Prav Unplugged

2011 - Year in Mokkais

2012-01-05T00:00:00.000+05:30

Yo boys. I am write blog. Mokka blog.

As I write this, India is mukking in Aus. 11 paeru. Moochu thenara thenara adikkaranunga. Mokka start to 2012. Mokka ending also predicted by Mayans. Gods are probably talking about it.

Shiva: Dei Vishnu
Vishnu: Yes mama
Shiva: I am only destroyer no?
Vishnu: Yes mama
Shiva: Then why you need Kalki avatharam? Sit simply.
Vishnu: 10 is very round number da. They took movie also with that name. So I will wonly take off da.
Shiva: Ok po, when you are taking da?
Vishnu: This year only, I think.
Shiva: What?? This year-a? Have you taken birth and all?
Vishnu: Yes da
Shiva: Adapaavi. Who?
Vishnu: Sachin da. People also know. They call me God.
Shiva: Semma. Destroy off today then. Very tiring, this job.
Vishnu: Pls machi. Innum orey oru century adichuttu...
Shiva: Aiyo, bleddy fellow, what is it with you and round numbers? I give you till end of year ok? If not I will destroy off.
Vishnu: Nanbaen da!

Ok mama. Now tune change-u. Small size mokkais about last year-u. Mostly english-u.

Ready. 1 .. 2 .. 3 .. 4 .. !

Gautham Menon released Nadunisi Naaigal without any BGM. Also without any story, screenplay and direction.

Captain caused confusion after a newspaper quoted him as saying, "Raja sould be arrusted for causing loss to the eggs checker". He supposedly meant exchequer.

Raja was arrested and sent to Tihar. Took offence when the jailor tried to console him saying, "(h)otha hai".

Animal Planet acquired 50% stake in Kural TV. TR released the Afro music that has since been scientifically proven to turn on a female hippopotamus.

India won the cricket world cup after 28 years. Indians were overjoyed that there will be no more Hindi interviews of Kris Srikkanth describing the catch which Kapil pakda for Richards out karne ka.

Sachin was spotted outside TASMAC with RC & water packet after he overheard Sreesanth speaking to his mom, "Enda amme, totally rendu world cup medal kitti"

Kalmadi was asked to organize the Common Wealth Games, and was arrested for taking it in the literal sense.

Before killing Osama, the NAVY SEALS asked him, 'Do you have a last wish you mother f*****?' He replied, 'Yes, kill me before RA.One is released'.

Jaya became CM. Praised Anna naamam & MGR naamam. Iyengars confused.

Inflation was a major issue. Especially for Thala Ajith.

When asked if he does any homework to practice his expressions, Cheran revealed that he does not go two bathroom during the entire shooting schedule.

Kalimozhi sent to Tihar. A visibly happy Raja called the jailor and told him, "(h)otha hai".

Jaya wrote 18923 letters to PM in 3 months. Not sure if they contained 'Will you have fraanship with me?' messages.

Amar Singh tried out phone sex. There was a leak and the world came to know. Pun unintended.

Farmers in UP protested that they could not live on Rs.32/day if Rahul Gandhi ate their dinner every night.

Vaughan suspected that Laxman used vaseline on his bat. Could be true or false depending on what bat he was talking about.

Troubled by Suriya's constant thoppai exposure, people suggested that BCCI send him on overseas tours to provide a flat track.

Tamil cinema got a vidi velli - Power Star Dr.Srinivsasan. He looks like shaving panna TR, that is, some one who justu missed two million years of evolootion.

There was an all India meeting to discuss why Prashanth was still acting in movies.

Gayle to WICB, "Guys, I am finally in awesome form, lets become great team!" WICB to Gayle, "Fack, you are dropped!"

Jaya announced that 250 public toilets opened by DMK will be converted to Urine Test Labs for the poor.

RA.One released. Manmohan speechless.

Sagarika Ghose conducted a interview with BabyB minutes before it was born. Later clarified that uterus cam and all was a technical glitch.

Burkha Dutt stuffed a mic in BabyB's mouth and asked how it felt. Later apologised for being naive.

Arnab Goswami questioned BabyB over the telephone and also answered on its behalf. BabyB cried and hung up.

Undiscolosed sources revealed that BabyB is currently taller than Suriya by a few inches.

Indian Kabbadi world champion team goes back home by rickshaw. Govt confessed that they were unaware of the event and thought it was Ghilli climax scene shooting for a Hindi remake.

10 Indians applied for Pakistan citizenship after they were harassed by the "Every Indian must read this" messages on Facebook.

Google search for "Vidya Balan hot" used to return images of her with an iron box. Naseeruddin Shah replaced the iron box.

Vidya Balan went to skin doctor for some treatment. Doctor told, 'It's ok ma, no need to show, yesterday only I saw in night show'.

Every one who has completed saralivarisai came up with a Kolaveri video.

Sharad Pawar slapped hard. Doctors confirm that it is a medical miracle that his face is still distorted.

TR danced topless in African forest. The term 'flash mob' was coined.

Godrej agreed to sponsor a saavi koththu for STR's kaakavalippu problem after seeing his love anthem.

Poonam Pandey offered to strip if Sachin scored his 100th ton. Sachin said, 'Podi Pandey', and later admitted to making a typo while speaking.

Kapil Sibal wanted Facebook to hire people to manually read through every single update posted. Somebody needs to tell him that all IT employees do this only.

PM visited Chennai to accept Jaya's fraanship request and collect any letters that have not been posted yet.

Captain was arrested for waving a black flag when PM visited Chennai. He was released after he clarified that he was actually drying his komanam.

After finding out that Power Star Dr.Srinivsan is in Chennai, Thane puyal thaane diverted itself to Cudallore.

Jodhida Megamani Lion K.Paarangal told Sachin that Sani is vakram-ly looking at him after peyarchi. So he has suggested that Sachin ethify nei vilakku in nearest Sani temple, and write 'Sachin 99+1' with kari on the wall.

Anna Hazare went without food for several days for a Lokpal Bill. Hence became the #2 Googled person in India, behind only Katrina Kaif, who released Chikni Chameli.

Poonam Pandey announced that she will strip for the New Year bash. Kapil Sibal confirms that she has nothing significant to censor.

AND

Happy New Year! =)

PS: Don't make resolution and all this year. Ulagam azhiya poguthu. Open the bottle!

Kodi Vilayaadu Paapa

2011-12-27T15:00:00.000+05:30

We have had a fair share of KBC variants in Tamil. It all began with the dubbed version of Amitabh's KBC. But it was discontinuted after some one pissed Amitabh off by asking why he was speaking Tamil in Nizhalgal Ravi's voice. For the uninitiated, Nizhalgal Ravi is the guy who comes on TV to sell land in areas expected to develop by 3000 AD. Mahavatar Babaji is the only investor who could potentially benefit from such a bargain. Anyways, the difference in stature of these two was so big that Amitabh had every right to be pissed. If Amitabh is like the guy travelling in his BMW on an eight lane highway @ 200kmph, Nizhalgal Ravi is like the guy who sells that yellow towel / multi-colour duster when cars stop at traffic signals.

Then there was this non-dubbed version by Sarath Kumar which never really took off. Sarath typically started the show with a "Naan reddy, neenga reddy-a?", thinking that would be some kind of a style statement. But it only caused confusions. People assumed only Reddy's could apply, while the Reddy's never applied because they could make more money in the same time by selling granite. Disappointed Sarath quit, joined politics and vowed that he will not become CM for more than two terms even if people insisted. Apparently they have not even insisted once yet.

Continue Reading . . .

SRK's KBC also did not last long. He appeared on show with one small kudumi, like one vedam reading brahmana boy. DMK told Vijay TV to only allow participants whose names ended with 'nidhi'or 'giri'. Vijay TV tried explaining that in a dubbed program, they can only change the voice and not the participant. But DMK members who are so used to these kind of hoardings, cried foul. SRK thus quit and went on to make his dream project..titled some Ra.One or Ra.Pichai or something like that.

And now, the big show is back on TV! The ad is being telecast 873 times in a day, beating the previous record held by Sun Pictures' Vettaikaran trailer. And the host... Suriya - son of Sivakumar, brother of Karthi, father of Diya and husband of Jothika. Pardon the rather elaborate introduction. But they come as a package. You buy one means, you get the other four free. So it is quite possible that you will see all five of them sitting around Computer ji in the show.

There are some teasers that show Suriya dressed in a suit and walking like a guy who has just appplied itch guard between his legs. Was not too impressed. I think Vijay TV would do better to tweak the show keeping in mind Surya's image. Below are a few things that might work.

Costume
Making Suriya wear a blazer is like making Sunny Leone wear madisar. Sacrilegious. So, like the popular jannal vecha jackets, there must be one cutting done to reveal the six packs. THE six packs that made even Anna Hazare so jealous that he goes on a GM diet every few months. Sample costume below!

Advertisements
No commercial breaks! All ads could be projected during the programme itself, right onto the six pack... thanks to the innovative costume! You know, like, "Guys, need a flat stomach? Contact 12345" or "Gals, need implants for a chest as flat? Contact 12345" written on Surya's tummy? Here's what it could look like on the show..

You could also follow the same approach for the sms thingy to get people involved, or even get ads for a social cause!

Seating
The host seat was actually designed with Amitabh in mind. So asking Suriya to get on it is a tall ask! So I have designed (& patented) a seat that works...

Lifelines
1. Family Poll (sample) : Anyone from Suriya's family, including onnu vitta mama's and all can vote.
2. Phone Sivakumar : Participant is allowed 30mins to get the answer. Ear plugs available on request.
3. Aspirin / Anjol Aluppu Marundhu : To deal with the fatigue of talking to Suriya family. Included on humanitarian grounds.

Sample Questions
There MUST be a generous amount of Suriya related questions so that there is better family viewership of the programme. Suriya family's viewership, that is. So here are few that could work...

Who choreographed the song Engenge Engenge from Nerukku Ner?
A. PT Usha
B. Milka Singh
C. Usain Bolt
D. None of the above. They kept running because there was a street dog during the shoot.

What does Suriya do when he sees the villain sexually abusing a girl in Ayan?
A. Beats him, he is the hero.. duh!
B. Enjoys the music in the club
C. Takes a video of it so that he can prove to the girl's dad that the villain is a bad guy
D. Both B & C

In 7am Arivu, why does Dong Lee tilt his head throughout the movie?
A. So that he appears shorter than Suriya
B. He had sulukku. The Iodex he bought from China was fake.
C. Hypnotism means like that wonly
D. He was playing Saanjadu Amma Saanjadu

Why does Suriya tell Jothika "Nee thottadhu edhayum naan thoda maataen" in the Sunrise ad?
A. Jothika aathula illa. Theettu.
B. She is currently cheetangol
C. S.Kozhuppu
D. So that one million people can say awwww for no real reason

Will such genuine sections be a part of the show? We'll have to wait and watch!

P.S. : Trying to remember when I became 'anti-Suriya'. Used to like him a lot during the Pithamagan days. I find his movies ok once in a while, but unable to tolerate him & his family in any stage show! Mosquito problem! :-S

P.P.S.: I have had a few people email me asking if I would ever blog (flattered!)...TRYING to revive the blog. Have no idea how long this would continue, but will try! In case any of you old-timers still around, howdy? :-)

P.P.P.S: This day, 2004, was when I started blogging! If I am allowed to say, this marks the seventh anniversary of my dormant blog! Yayy! :-D

Cheers!

Kandasaamy : The Kappi Crusader

2009-09-04T03:00:00.003+05:30

Kandasaamy is an epic of the 21st century, comparable to the Mahabharatha. If the latter tells you how not to live life, the former tells you how not to make a movie. Thanfully, Susi Ganesan did not use Pillaiyar to write the script. Pillaiyar kovathula thandhatha pudungi kanna kuththi vitturupaar!

Even if the unit spent the two years of production playing dikkilona and jalabalajals, they could have come out with a nice bit movie which could have released in Parangimalai Jothi and done good business. But Kalaipuli Thanu pumped in so much money that Susi started to write a serious movie. That's when it went wrong.

Spoiler Alert : If you have already seen Sivaji, Anniyan, Gentleman and Batman Begins, there is nothing I can spoil for you. If you haven't, I still cannot spoil it as much as Susi. So summa koocha padaama padinga.

Kokkarako Gummango... [Cock-talk for Read Review]

Kandasaamy has a very innovative concept of pudungifying black money from the rich and distributing it to the needy. India-laye, yaen indha world-laye indha concept-a yoschathu rendey paer dhaan - onnu GD Naidu, innonnu namma Susi Ganesan. Bodhi marathadi-la okkandha gnanam varum, but bethi-kaaga marathadi-la okkandha indha maadhri kadhai dhaan varum. A stale story can still be interesting with some slick screenplay. It could have been a fast paced 150 minute entertainer at best. But at 200 minutes, one wonders if Susi's payment was based on the length of film reel used. Like oru mozham paththu roobai or something. I am sure Thanu would have got better returns if he had bought Malli Poo! ;-)

People write their wishes on a piece of paper and tie it to a temple tree. Their wishes get fulfilled, supposedly by God himself. Anga dhaan director oru twist-a vechaar. It is actually the Kappi Crusader Kandasaamy who fulfills their wishes! There is also a CBI Aapesar Kandasaamy who raids big shots who have black money. Police Aapeesar [Prabhu] smells something fishy. There are a few villains who are after the CBI aapesar. There is one figure who is daughter of a villain and sets out for revenge, but unexpectedly falls in love. Please connect the dots and make your own ettu pulli kolam.

Vikram has tried out his luck with fancy dress after Kamal in Dasa. Grapevine has it that whenever Susi's kid would cry and not eat food, Susi would instruct the make-up man to do something new to Vikram. To kanakku kaamchufy for make-up money spent, they shot that look and put it in the movie. You would have expected better role selection from Vikram. But I don't blame him entirely. He must have fallen asleep mid-way while Susi narrated the story.

Tamil Cinema's first superhero will be remembered for long. The costume has been localized to suit the Tamil kalaacharam. Jetty goes back inside the pant fearing objection from Ramadas. The intro is one of a kind. Vikram comes flying around with the superhero jamakaalam tied behind his back. His hair looks like somebody has poured kaara kuzhambu on it. But closer inspection reveals that they are all cock (seval) feathers. While intimidating the bad guy he also does some cock-like (seval) mannerisms, along with a kokkarakko. There is a rap song for which I have not figured out the lyrics, but his hand gestures kinda sync with the very famous "Oh pillar, caterpillar" song which would be a sure hit with the girls. After 15 mins of flying around, cocking and singing, the audience wait with bated breath, for the interval.

It is said that good things come in small packages. But this one came in small dresses. Shriya. Her haircut helped show more of her back, and ofcourse there never was too much hair on the front anyways! There was only one scene where she was fully covered, but even that she tears during the scene. Brilliant characterization. Director touch pannitaar. It is well known that for her acting prowess, she needs multiple takes to show (emotions) well. Every time the director said "Cut", the costume person seems to have misunderstood and cut a portion of her dress. But yeah, we are glad about the misunderstanding.

The romance track is a comedy piece. During a raid at Aashish Vidyarthi's house, Vikram picks up a call. It is the villain's daughter Shriya who gives Vikram a website to visit if he wants to see her dance on webcast! Ippadi patta raid ellam irukkum therinja naan kooda CBI join panniruppaen, sigh. Before seeing the dance, Vikram dutifully finishes the raid which leaves Aashish Vidyarthi with a twisted face (more than the usual level). Shriya decides to make Vikram fall in love with her to take revenge! Adada, idhallavo revenge! They do not love each other for most part of the film. But they will go to each foreign location, drink coffee, sing song, dance and come back. Dei director, ivanga enna Karagaata troup-a oor oor-a poi aaditu, kaapi-thanni kudichuttu vara...appadinu logical-a questions varum. But Shriya's costumes, or the lack of it, rob the audience of the dhum opporunity.

Susi has been very particular about logic. He explains in excruciating detail how superhero stunts are performed with the help of ropes, choreographed by his friends. The friends bring a tape-recorder for BGM and even stuff for smoke effects. But when they showed a cock (seval) in their hideout which Kandasamy looks at to learn the mannerisms...shabba...sekaru sethutaan. Shakunthala Devi puzzles-la kooda ivalo logic thevai padaathu. They've tried out something like Batman, but ended up with a Pokiriman.

There are three villains. Aashish Vidyarthi plays PPP, and does justice to the character name by keeping his face constipated. Then there is a don called Mexican Pichumani [played by magician Alex!] who put Marlon Brando to shame with his amazing dialogue delivery - "Sekoority illama engayum pova koodathu", "Indha panatha bang-la podalam. Andha bang manager en friend dhaan" to quote a few. Mexican accent I guess. The third guy, Rajmohan, does a pole dance during the climax in mundaabaniyan and pattapatti undraayar. Among others, there is one head of CBI who speaks Tamil as though he is onnu vita cousin of Thatha Naharkar of Junoon fame. Susi Ganesan does a cameo - a pivotal role of a person who takes photographs of Mexico on his iPhone. Padayappa-la paambu eppadi oru turning point-o, adhey maari dhaan namma Susi role indha padathula. Indispensable. The only mistake in the casting department was naming Shriya as Subbalakshmi and giving her costumes of Jothilakshmi.

The movie is a collection of incoherent scenes with the editor doing his best to ensure this. CBI aapesar will suddenly go raid. Kappi Crusader will suddenly start cocking in front of a bad guy. Villain will suddenly decide that he needs to do matter. Shriya will suddenly decide to she needs to sing a sexy song. Pichumani will suddenly decide to do Billa don walk. Vadivelu will suddenly decide to put one mokkai. Hero will suddenly decide to get preachy and throw some statistics to villain who is standing in jetty. Like this wonly full movie. To bear all this for three and half hours, oru miga periya mana dheiriyam is required.

The re-recording was one nice aspect. Devi Sri Prasad did a good job with that and compensated for allowing Vikram to talk in all the songs. Vikram-ku pitching problems neraya. Neraya notes are orey flat. Voice-la throw seri illa. Innum nalla practice pannanum. Sruthi set aagala. Sruthi-oda akka-va vena try panni paakalam.

Cinematography is very mangalagaram. Ekambaram was warned by Sivagami Computers that he has gandam in all colors except yellow. All characters look equally jaundiced. I think while deciding on what to use for Mexico, he watched the Salma Hayek matter scene in Desparado and decided that everything in Latin America should be of that tinge only. Water, grass, people, everything. Mexico-la ellarum manja thechu kulipaanga-nu yaaro avarukku thappa informesan koduthirukkanga paavam. Very mangalagaramaana cameraman. All the scenes in Mexico have been shot in one open (yellow) grassland. For this why Mexico? Nonsense fellow.

Susi has donned many hats for this film...though none of them turned out useful. Susi the actor offers some solace to the audience...it helps to know the face of the person you are scolding in bad words. The powerful script writer in him has made heads turn across the globe. Sun Microsystems issued a notice banning Susi from writing any script in future, including javascript. The Human Rights Commission is planning a mass campaign with Susi's pic and a message - "Inime pena la kai vecha, mudhal dead body nee dhaan". He has also been extremely compassionate as a story-teller. For the benefit of heart patients and pregnant women he has ensured that the most nail-biting moment in the movie is the curiosity that builds up if Vikram will succeed in getting the cock (seval) body-language. He has also cleverly used slo-mos throughout the movie. So if at all you fall asleep, when you wake up you'll still watch the same scene. Total hollywood level thinking.

Overall, with few things right and most things wrong, the biggest release of this year is a disappointing attempt at commercial cinema. To pump in crores of money in this movie which took two years to produce, one has to be an utter dummy piece. It is high time Kalaipuli changes his name to Kaipulla Thanu.

I am glad I did not have to buy tickets for this movie! Thanks to Hamsini for the oasi tickets :-D.

The only good thing about the movie is that it made me put a big mokkai post after a year! Susi Ganesan vaazhga!

Dasavatharam: Review

2008-06-16T21:30:00.001+05:30

Phew! The wait is finally over! I watched Dasavatharam by paying 285 bucks for a ticket! I thought I will have one complimentary vellakari and one complimentary karuppi on either side for this price. But they just gave me one cushioned seat to park my ass. Bleddy inflason!

The hype was phenomenal. Especially after I heard that Kalaignar kissed Kamal after watching the movie! Kamalukkae muththam-a?! First of its kind, truly!

Now most importantly.. was I entertained?? Yup, surely. And would I like to be entertained again? Hmmm...May be not, unless I am given those compliments I expected! :D

Read Review . . .

Dasavatharam had an interesting concept which appealed to me - the chaos theory. No, wait, it's not the usual "chaos" aka "confusion" you associate with a Kamal movie! :D This one's about how one small event can get related to a series of other events; like in the movie "Crash". I see it as a smart ploy by Kamal to use this since there is probably no better way to make the characters converge. A film with an actor in ten roles is no joke. It is meant to celebrate the actor more than the tale and this did not come as a surprise to me. I have nothing to complain about a wafer-thin story line which puts off critics of 'pure cinema', the one's who've always held Kamal in high regard for his movies. But come on, the guy needs to make money too..he's not around to serve humanity :)

The film has overcome many hurdles. The most atrocious - "Kamal stole the story from me" is what some arbit fellow claimed and they went to court. When the judge took a look at both the stories (empty A4 sheets) he dimissed the case and used the A4 sheets to write Sriramajayam and tie it in Alwarpet Anjaneyar kovil tree. Story thirudittan, story thirudittan-nu koovina andha dog-a if me see, tongue plucking question ask: what story? where story? Bleddy fellow.

The 'story' revolves around a bio-weapon which scientist Govindarajan (PS: All characters unless and until mentioned are Kamal!) invents and some evil fellows try to put it to wrong use for money. Govindarajan tries to stop them and this results in a fast-paced turn of events within which many of the ten characters are woven nicely, and a few seem to be just there, staring at you. That's Dasavatharam for you. A good entertainer.

I may sound cliched if I say that Kamal has done a brilliant job portraying the ten characters. I think there can be no second opinion about it. The effort he has taken to showcase their body languages and accents is simply stunning. The body language of Krishnaveni Paatti and the Kung-fu master were top-notch. Dialogue delivery of Poovaragan, Nambi and my favourite Balram Naidu were clinical. If you are keen on celebrating Kamal Hassan, there is and if I may say, there will never be a better film for you. Just go watch it as many times as you want!

Two things which disappointed me about the ten avatars. One, their characterization lacked depth. The roles just had spell-binding acting, but not a single one in my opinion made me 'feel with the character'. Nambi and Poovaragan came close but that's about it. I also expected that the characters would be based on some theme, like the navarasas were portrayed in Navarathri, but that was not there. Two, the make-up. It was brilliant to see that all the ten characters looked different. But is a poochandi mask on the face compulsory? Maybe if it's a fancy dress competition, yes. But we want the guy to be able to emote well. Though Kamal still does a good job with emotions, that's his brilliance, we might have got a better result if they had not been obsessed with make-up!

The screenplay was decent. There were bright spots as well as duds. The film moves at a good speed which is its biggest plus but there were far too many disgressions - evils of dealing with too many characters! The main plot is a typical hero villain-chase with Fletcher chasing Govindarajan for the weapon. And there are subplots for the other characters who happen to get involved in the chase and Kamal does a good job connecting these subplots in simple, nice ways. It is not classy treatment, but something appreciable for sure considering this is commercial cinema! At the same time, in certain cases, like Dr. Sethu's (he's not Kamal!) death, there was no reason. The overall scheme of things look chaotic to me. The racy narration will appeal to the audience, but the disgressions and their connection may not appeal as much to the mass.

The first half hour of the movie had just too much English and infact had Tamil subtitles! Now, you are making a commercial cinema targeting the mass. You board a train when it is racing past a checkpost. When you jump from a bridge you always land on a nice cosy vehicle below. When Manmohan Singh (he's not Kamal!) and George Bush are listening to your speech (no translators), you speak in "sanga tamizh". Do we care? No, we don't! So please dub the first portion in Tamil and re-release, we won't mind :)

The 12th century scenes were the most interesting part of the movie. Nambi was really majestic and portrayed a lot of different emotions during his brief appearance. Napolean (not Kamal) tried his best to speak Tamil, aana paavam he can at best say "Chozha Saamrajyam" as "Sola Seraton". Fletcher was too Terminatorish for my liking, but he had style. Naidu, the cop, was top class especially when he says "Aathankavaathi", ultimate! The screen was so full of Kamal that I had intelligent questions like "Andha kutti koranga nadichathu Kamal-a?" and "Oru velai climax twist-la indha perumal bommai will reveal itself and say Naanum Kamal dhaan. Ivalo naal Perumal veshathula irundhaen a la Thillu Mullu climax?" Avtar Singh was a joke, really. He gets shot and the bullet shot cures his cancer?? This is a too much. Cancer research stop panni, Gabtun-a vittu all cancer-ku 'soot at site' order kodukka sollalam inimae!

Asin's (not Kamal) dialogue delivery was brilliant. Her hard work to memorize the dialogues are evident. The only dialogue she had - "Perumaale" (Rhyming bad word I am getting in my mouth-u, but for old time sake, I am no speak) was as likeable as Udit Narayan's Tamil. For the number of times she uttered the word, avalukku VIP seat Vaikuntam-la confirmed - innum oru vaati solli irundha naaney amchu vechiruppaen. Kamal tried to fill in the comedy track with Asin, but it has backfired badly. Neither the dialogue, nor the acting is impressive. And ya!! Mallika Sherawat (not Kamal) plays the role of a Tamil translator. Spashtama pesina. Suththi podanum. Avalukku illa, avalaye suththi kadal-la podanum.

The music department was a clear let down. Himesh has to start from Sa Pa Sa and Saralivarisai. I love "Kallai Mattum Kandaal" for the lyrics. BGM was thankfully nice and suited the movie. The special music for Balram Naidu was the best :D The songs did not intrude the movie at any point and that was a really nice thing considering the fact that they had a tough screenplay to handle. It nicely adds on to the commercial aspect. Good job! Climax-la KS Ravikumar (not Kamal) does an item number for Karunanidhi, Manmohan Singh and George Bush :D

Art direction and camera work were very impressive and were very apt for the film. There was not grandeur for the sake of it! Sensible. But the much hyped computer graphics - tsunami scene, under water shots look straight out of Finding Nemo kind. For a film of this budget and magnitude, special effects were far from impressive in the sense that you could realize what was graphics and what was not. Just because it is called special effects, it need not specially stand out! I am really surprised that this has happened in a 'tech-savvy' Kamal film.

The climax was dramatic. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it was handled in a amateur fashion. When you see a tsunami, would you run? Or would you look at it like Vijay Sarathi in Sun TV Neengal Ketta Paadal and say "Idhu dhaan tsunami"? That's what our Kung Fu master did :) The Krishnaveni Paatti - Poovaragan connection, me likey! Nice touch! Kamal debates with Asin the existence of god who has caused such a tragedy and Asin explains why it has happened for the good. Wokie. Then they show dead bodies all around. Next minute Kamal-Asin romance. Venaam. Valikkuthu. Message sollala-nu ippo yaar azhutha? "Meendum Meendum Sirippu"-la message solliyae aavaen-nu adam pidippangale, like that this comedy!

The last dialogue was nice though - "Naan kadavul illa-nu sollaliye, kadavul irundha nalla irukkumnu dhaan sollaraen" :) Kandippa will become popular! I already see this in various places - "Dasavatharathula kadhai illa-nu naan sollala. Kadhai irundha nalla irukkum-nu dhaan sonnaen". Namma pasanga kusumbukku oru alave illa :)

Lets not be finicky about logic and thin story-line. The film is meant to be a commercial entertainer and it is a good one. I refuse to accept though that this is the closest Kamal has come to bringing an 'intelligent' script to the masses. The film could have easily been much better and it's not. First, the script is by no means 'intelligent'. Second, he had done a better job with sreenplay in a Virumandi or a Devar Magan.

I did not mention Ravikumar anywhere since it was just Kamal's touch I could see throughout the movie. I am guessing Ravikumar was meant to tell Kamal what would be commercial and what wouldn't. In that case he was good, the commercial elements were mixed well. I still feel the treatment should have been more simple than what has come out. That's needed to get repeat audience from B & C and my guess is it will hit the collections. Time will tell the true story.

Overall, the film is worth watching once in theater if you are neutral. Leave your brains out and go looking for an entertainer. You will not be disappointed. Dasavatharam is meant to be an exhibition of Kamal's talents and it truly is a grand exhibition. Ensoi thangamani!

First Day @ Work

2008-02-11T23:00:00.001+05:30

Today was my first day at work. First ever jobless day. Orey the prayers, coconut breakings, feet fallings and all before leaving Chennai. Then in Bangalore, wearing new shirt with kungumam, god prayings and right leg keeping to get on Volvo Bus to office. So many auspicious things doing before joining job.

I reach office and am told that me just formalities completing today and given a bunch of forms to fill. And this is what I filled . . .

1) I, Praveen Krishnamurthy, hereby nominate X to get my Gratuity benefits in case of my death during service.

2) I, Praveen Krishnamurthy, hereby nominate Y to get my Provident Fund in case of my death during service and this nomination overrides my previous nominations.

3) I, Praveen Krishnamurthy, hereby nominate X to get my Life Insurance benefits in case of my death during service.

4) I, Praveen Krishnamurthy, hereby nominate Y to get my Widow Pension benefits in case of my death during service.

Aiyyo! Why does everyone have to start work on such a morbid note? Join panna annikkae naan seththa enna nadakkum-nu ezhuthi vaangikkanuma?! Yezhavu!

Update: It seems they lost one of the above forms and I need to die again! Hmph!

Echa Pasanga Naanga

2008-01-07T00:15:00.000+05:30

I thought I would never blog again! But, New Year adhuvuma, rendu paera echai thuppi mangalagarama oru post poda vaendiya kattaayam! :)

So here goes . . .!

Steve and Mark-nu rendu close friends. Paakarthukku rendum total opposites, aana character-wise rendum same worstu behaviour wonly. Oru naal . . .

January 1, 1968
Steve: Dei Mark, innikku New Year da.
Mark: Aiyyo! Nallavela gnabaga paduthina. Namma annachi innum daily sheet calendar kodukkala!
Steve: Yaaru Sarathkumar-a?
Mark: Chi.. namma maligai kadai annachi da.
Steve: Idhukku ellam kavala padatha Mark. Enga veetla avar pona varusham kodutha calendar use pannama appadiye vechirukkom. Adhai vaena naan unakku tharaen da.
Mark: Ennai enna muttal-nu nenachiya?
Steve: Yaen da?
Mark: Pona varusha calendar-a indha varusham eppadi da use panna mudiyum muttal. 1968 leap year-la?

*Ippadithaan chinna vayasulaenthey rendu perum romba brilliant. Oru naal they were deciding on their careers*

Continue Thupping . .

Mark: Steve, 8th standard-la 9th time-a fail aagarom. Varuthama irukka?
Steve: Illa da tension-a irukku.
Mark: Yaen?
Steve: 10th anniversary celebarate pannama poiduvomo-nu.
Mark: Chi! Vera edhavathu field-la achieve pannuvomey?
Steve: Padippu varala. Paattu varala. Drawing varala. Sports suththama varala. Ivalo yaen, pichai kooda edukka try pannitom, mudila. Idhukku maela enna da panna mudiyum?
Mark: Mudiyum. ICC panel-la umpire-a povom.
Steve: Seri ok. Porathu dhaan porom. Fourth Umpire-a povoma?
Mark: Why?
Steve: Fourth Umpire-na namma kooda andha Mandira ponnu okkarum machi. TV-la kaatuvan.

*ICC selects Steve and Mark for the job*

Steve: Cha!
Mark: Enna?
Steve: Fourth Umpire-a poda sonna, enna da field-la nikka solraanga. Orey veyyil-a irukku.
Mark: Don't worry da. Kelvi pattirukkaen ellarayum first field-la dhaan poduvaangalam. Fourth Umpire-ngarthu very senior position. As you grow unakku Mandira pakkathula seat undu.
Steve: Ennavo po. Machi naalaikku match. Indha, unakkaga naan soda bottle vaangittu vandhirukkaen. Idha udachu, kannu munnadi vechu paatha kannu paleer-nu theriyum.
Mark: Thanks da. Naan unakkaaga sunnambu vaangittu vandhirukkaen. Idha moonjila poosinda un complexion affect aagama irukkum. Appuram Sivaji Rajni maadhiri vellai-a aagiduva.

*Match Begins*

Mark: Machi nee kodutha kannadi semma sharp da.
Steve: Ellam nalla theriyutha?
Mark: Yes da. Ippo dhaan anga rendu vellai pura joing-nu paranthu poachu. Naan paathutteney!
Steve: Ada paavi. Appo ball-a paakaliya nee?
Mark: Adha pathi dhaan pesittu irukkaen!

Steve: Mark, yaenda en kai-laye innum ball irukku? Match innum aaramikkalaya?
Mark: Ada paavi. Ippo lunch break da. Un kai-la irukkartha poosanikka.
Steve: Oho. Enakku match aaramichuthu-nu yaen yaarume sollala?
Mark: Dei Sachin-a out vaera koduthaye da!
Steve: Appadiya? Yaaro nadoola howzzaaa-nu kathinaangale adhukku dhaana? Naan yaaro merattaraanga nenachu konnuduvaen-nu kai kaamchaen. Adhu dhaan out-a? Yaenda sollave illa!

Steve: Dei Mark, nee kodutha sunaambu seri illa nenaikkaraen. Eriyuthu.
Mark: Yaenda naaye kannu-la ellam poda adhu enna mai-a? Nallavela, osi-la kadachuthu-nu vaera engayum thadavama vittaye.
Steve: Ippo eppadi da manage panna?
Mark: Loosu. Kai-aala dhaaney out kaatta pora. Appuram edhukku veena kanna tharandhu vechirukka. Nalla moodikko.

Steve: Dei appeal panraanga da. Saththam kaekkuthu.
Mark: Machi Ponting edho catch-a pudichaan nenaikkaraen. Sure-a therilaye. Enna panna?
Steve: Avanaye kooptu kelu da.
Mark: Dei Ponting, catch pudichiya?
Ponting: Yes sir, one pitch one hand.
Mark: Plum out. Dei Ganguly, loosu payale, one pitch catch-la poi out aaraye vekkama illa?

Mark: Kumble, yaen ippadi kaththara?
Kumble: LB appeal.
Mark: Leg Byes-ku yaen appeal pannara nee? Kaetta koduthuttu poraen.
Kumble: Aiyyo, Leg Before Wicket. LBW.
Mark: Sellathu sellathu. Yaenda mandaya kaal-a stump munnadi vekkama pinnadiya vepaanga. Not out.

*Press Conference*
Journalist: Many decisions in this match were controversial. What went wrong?
Steve: Ofcourse, the decisions wonly!
Journalist: Why did you not refer Ponting's catch to the third umpire.
Mark: Idhu Ganguly, Ponting and naan sammandha patta vishayam. Idha oru moonavathu manushan kitta kaekka solreengala? Cha!
Journalist: Appo why is there a third umpire?
Steve: Idhu neenga avara kaekka vaendiya kelvi!
Journalist: Jaffer was bowled. But it was a no ball. Why did you give him out?
Mark: Adhu eppadi irukkara ball-a illa-nu solla mudiyum. Naan poi solla maataen! Umaachi kanna kuthidum!
Journalist: Why did you give Sachin out caught when he did not even play the ball?
Steve: Paarunga, naan menakettu andha physio payyan kitta kaettaen. Avan dhaan Sachin-ku mudhugu pudichu vidartha sonaan. So Caught Behind out. Rules are rules.
Journalist: Why did you not give Ponting and Symonds out even when they nicked the ball??
Mark: Idhukku ellam eppadi out kodukka mudiyum. Ellarum dhaan ball-a nakkaraanga!
Journalist: Nakked the ball illa nicked the ball!
Steve: Appo ball-a nikka vecha thappa?!
Journalist: Aala vidunga! Kumble, how do you feel about the umpiring? Any strategies for the upcoming matches?
Kumble: Yes. Inimae umpire kai thooka try panna non-striker-a vittu kichu kichu mootta solla porom. Vera vazhiye illa!
Journalist: Any comments on Symonds being called monkey?
Kumble: There is nothing racist about it. We called Ricky monkey too, he never bothered. Symonds-ku uruthuthu.
Journalist: Appadiya?
Symonds: Light-a!
Journalist: Ponting, shouldn't you have played the game with sportsmanship? Is this right?
Ponting: It is a matter of integrity and no compromise must be made.
Journalist: Yaarukku?
Ponting: Yaarukko!
Journalist: Last question. Umpires, neenga nallavara kettavara?
Steve & Mark: Aaah. Aaaaaaah. Therilaye pa! Therilaye!
Kumble: Appo mudhal-la kannadi-a vaangi podunga da echa pasangala!

Wish you all a very very happy new year!!! A lot of you have stayed with this blog despite all my laziness. Thanks a ton!! :)

A quick update. MBA mudiya poguthu. I begin work right from next month! Inimae enna yaarum velai vetti illatha payyan-nu solla mudiyaathu :D

New Film Poojai

2007-07-27T03:00:00.000+05:30

Gajananam bhoodha ghanaathi sevitham

kabhitha jamboo palasara pakshitham

umaasutham sokha vinaasakaranam

namaami vigneswara paadha pankajam

*ting ting ting ting* (mani adichings)

Start Meejik. . .

Starring

Tea.R as Hairy Potter

Gabtun as Alagesa Goundore

Sombhu as Kundalakesi

9thara as Manthagini

S.J. Soriya as Lord Labakku Das/Adhaan-Unakku-Theriyumae/Iruttu Raasa

Introduction - Pozhacha Pulla
*Rasathi Kuppam. Raathiri velai. Purushan sarakku adichu flat. Ponjaathi purushan adichu flat. All thoongings. Gumm iruttu. Thideernu oru moothra sandhu-la moonu uruvam repeat aavudhunga. Rendu aamblingo and oru pombley - Alagesa Goundore, Makku Munima and Pakkiri. Pakkiri kai-la oru koindha*

Alagesa Goundore : Pakkiri, koindha inna aachu?
Pakkiri : Inga paarunga, en kai-la dhaan keethu.
Munima : Enna azhagu, ethanai azhagu!
Alagesa Goundore : Munima, kannadi poduma. Unakku magic theriyara alavukku kooda kannu theriyala.
Munima : Aiyiyo! Indha chinna vayasula ivalo mudi-a?
Pakkiri : Ashwini hair oil use pannuthu. Mudi kottarthu suthama ninnu poachu. Podugu thullai suthama illiyaam.
Alagesa Goundore : Endha aabathum illiye?
Pakkiri : Illinga. Naanum chinna vayasulaenthu adhaan use pannaraen.
Alagesa Goundore : Dei naan uyira pathi kaetta nee mayira pathi pesinu keera.
Pakkiri : Imbuttu velai senjirukkaen, idhu paeru innango?
Alagesa Goundore : Potter. Hairy Potter.
Pakkiri : Soakka keethu.
Munima : Mandai-la kodu keetha Pakkiri? Paathiya?
Pakkiri : Ah aan ma. Irunthichu. Aana theliva illa. Idho ippo dhaan oru topaz blade-a vaangi innum oru rendu keeru keeri vittirukkaen. Paarunga pakka-va keethu.
Munima : Appadi. Koindha safe inimae.
Alagesa Goundore : Lord Labakku Das innum saavala.

*Koindha and one letter-a oru gudisai vaasal-la vechuttu Goundore, Munima and Pakkiri appeat aagitaanga. Appala kaarthaala aavuthu*>

Veerabagu : Hey Pattani. Ingittu va. Koindha onnu keethu inga. Un jaadai-la keethu di. Mavale, inna panna nee?
Pattani : Seriyaana imsai ba nee. Letter keethu-la. Padicha piriya povuthu.
Veerabagu : Pre-KG la enakku letter reading ellam solli kodukkala ma.
Pattani : *reads letter* Aiyiyo. Idhu en thangaachi koindha-yaam.
Veerabagu : Enakku machinichi irukka-nu sollama sadhi panniteengaley di neeyum unga appanum.
Pattani : Enakku bayama keethu.
Veerabagu : Unna paatha naaney bayappadala. Andha koindhaya paathu nee yaen bayappadara?
Pattani : Aiye. En thangaachi Malli evano Siluvai-nu oruthana odi poi kalyanam kattikina. Adhunga rendum oru maadhiri.
Veerabagu : Appadina inna mey aachu?
Pattani : Indha Malli chinna vayasulaye bayangarama magic pannum. Rendu vayasulaye vandhu enga kanna pothittu "Malli kaanum!" appadinu rousu panni enga ellarayum aacharya pada vekkum.
Veerabagu : Oh! Ippo indha koindha yaen inga amchaanga?
Pattani : Idha yaaro Alagesa Goundore eluthina letter. Siluvai-um Malli-um mandai-a poataangalam. Koindha Hairy Potter namma kitta valakkanumnu vuttu poirukkan.
Veerabagu : Aiyayo. Namma payyan Dadhi-a enna panna?
Pattani : Namma paya paerukku yaetha maadhiriye dadhi. Edhukkum indha Hairy payala konjam thalli-ey veppom. Ivana thookki poatta andha Alagesan namma veetukku auto anuppuvaen-nu poattirukkan. Risku vaenaam.

Alagesa Goundore nencha maadhiri Hairy avan chithi Pattani gudisai-la valaruthu. Hairy padhukaappu romba mukkiyam. Lord Labaku Das-kae dikalty kodutha orey pulla Hairy dhaan. Labakku Das-ku inna aachu-nu yaarukkum theriyaathu. Sila paer solraanga romba tholavu-la irukkara oru kuppathula porukitu irukkaan appadinu. Aana aal ambael. Address-ey illa. Oorey thanni adichu gummalam. Orey kaaranam. Hairy Potter. Pozhacha Pulla.

Note : Maramando shelved and no idea when I am going to finish this one. But as always, let me hope! :)

Disclaimer : All names and characters are fictitious. Resemblence to any popular book is purely coincidental :D

PS : HP fans, edhuva irundhaalum pesi theethuppom, ok? :)

Ushaar Mein Hai

2007-07-19T16:15:00.000+05:30

Yes. Be careful when you are chatting with a girl and want to ask her "Paathiya?"

'P' and 'O' are next to each other on the keyboard.

Ushaar. Wokie? :)

Pichakaara Interest Litigation

2007-07-10T14:45:00.000+05:30

After seeing two pichakaara PILs mentioned in the last two days, I guess its apt to refer to them as Pichakaara Interest Litigation intead. One, the Mumbai Metropolitan chief talked of a PIL to prevent Tata's 1 lakh car from entering Mumbai fearing constipation, nausea, pregnancy and besides other things, traffic congestion. Two, a Congressman has filed a PIL against the film Sivaji for showing a photograph of the villain with Sonia Gandhi and Manmohan Singh claiming that it defames national leaders. The only thing which has come out of this is the important piece of information that Congress regards them as national leaders. I just hope the government has not introduced tax benefits for filing PILs!

At this rate, what can we expect to see in future?

Read On . . .

The cow with yellow teeth in the Happydent Whitening advertisement has filed a PIL in the Madras High Court seeking the ban of the movie Sivaji. It claims that the director took a dig at it by portraying the bad guy with ootha pallu and insulted the entire Go Matha clan. It demands that Shankar use graphics to whiten the ootha pallus, failing which the movie must be banned. As compensation for the damage caused, it demands one year supply of kadalai punnakku and five years supply of horn paint for maattu pongal.

All donkeys in and around Chennai city have filed a PIL against Mansoor Ali Khan for using the copyrighted phrase "Ennai Paar Yogam Varum" as the title for his upcoming movie. They claim that Mansoor is trying to gain undue popularity with this move and made it clear to the world that he will not be accepted as one among their species until confirmed reports are obtained through DNA analysis. The shooting of the next Ramanarayan film has come to a halt because of this unprecedented act by the donkeys (the ones with four legs). The director is believed to be persuading Mansoor to keep a more apt title, "Ennai Paar Vandhi Varum", for his movie. Mansoor was not available for comment because nobody bothered to check his availability.

The bears in Vandalur zoo have filed a PIL against Vijaya TR stating public humiliation. They claim that ever since the release of Veerasamy, the visitors have all started singing "Varaan paaru varaan paaru Veerasamy" in front of the bear's cage which it claims is the second most humiliating thing which has happened to it. The first, ofcourse, being that it doesn't wear an undergarment. The bears demand a public clarification from Vijaya TR that he is one stage behind them in the evolution process and a disclaimer in all his films that "All characters are fictitious and any resemblences to bears are purely because I quit shaving in 9th standard."

Congressmen have filed a PIL seeking that actress Roja should change her name. They demand that because of the popular (once upon a time) actress, the phrase "Nehru Roja Vechirukkaru (nenjula)" is painting a very bad picture of a national leader. Since it is not possible now to change the habit of a person who died decades back, the Congressmen demand that Roja change her name within 24 hours.

If the politicians are so idle to think of such things, it is high time they develop a good hobby or join some summer coaching camps. Adha vittutu ippadi kaamedy keemadi pannarthu ellam thevaiya?

Disclaimer : If a work of fiction resembles facts, there is something seriously wrong with the facts :D

Thalaivar

2007-04-06T02:00:00.000+05:30

Can't wait for the movie!

Thanks to Aunty for ripping and uploading it :-)

Bleddy Budget

2007-03-20T23:49:00.000+05:30

*Echoos me for trying to make some intellectual comments and all. I also the MBA-nu kaatikka enakku vera vazhi therila!*

The Union Budget. A document which has not been understood even by the elite few who deciphered Inzamam's English. A session which has as much viewership as news for the deaf and dumb on DD. An event which recieves so much coverage that it pushes news of national importance like Abdul Kalam tripping and actress Namitha's advise to youngsters about Indian culture to the lower section of the front page of newspapers. A license for the Government to showcase stupidity and, ironically, enlarge their vote banks.

The budget makes no sense to the common man. This blog is replete with nonsense. So, what better place to read about something as complex and useless as the budget? :-)

Continue reading crap . . .

Being a socially conscious blogger (oru small effect dhaan, kindly echoos!) with an objective of educating my readers, I managed to sneak into the conference room of UPA (Useless Parties Alliance) to capture the meeting between a bunch of ministers discussing the budget before it was presented. They were Mr. Madmohan, Mr. Chee Bambaram, Mr. Moron, Mr. Sottai Singh and Mr. Lollu.

Madmohan : I welcome the honorable members . . .
Sottai : Oh, can I stay then?
Lollu : Sottai ji, that is just formality. If only honorable members were to stay, only the watchman would be permitted inside Parliament.
Madmohan : Silence! Please take your seat.
Sottai : 50% seats reserved for rear class. Please follow rule.
Madmohan : *kottifies on Sottai ji mandai* Chee Bambaram ji, please throw some light on this years budget plans.
Moron : Neenga avara velakku pudikka solreengala?
Chee Bambaram : Moron ji, siththa adha saathindu irukkaela?

Madmohan : Ok ji, what is the major objective of this year's budget?
Chee Bambaram : To increase the growth rate of the country.
Lollu : Oh, you've made condoms expensive?
Chee Bambaram : Economic growth! I have looked into the future and proposed long term measures.
Madmohan : When will the measures show effect?
Chee Bambaram : As early as 3007 A.D.
Moron : Late Justice! That is against Dravidian principles!
Sottai : Me also object. Rahul Dravid front class!
Lollu : But his wife first class!

Chee Bambaram : The government will spend a lot on Health and Infrastructure improvement this year.
Lollu : Yes, first invest some for Rabri and improve her structure.
Sottai : Ha Ha. With bad structure Lollu ji have 239 baby, if Devi ji good figure Bihar population all call Lollu as papa.
Madmohan : What's the expenditure?
Lollu : Pure hardwork. No shortcuts. Vali dhaan vetriyin ragasiyamey.
Madmohan : Not you Lollu ji!
Chee Bambaram : First it will reach the minister, then the state officer, district officer, panchayat leader, country tortoise Sarath Kumar, secretary, car driver, office boy and the watchman. The remaining amount will be available to the general public to buy either a crocin or a brick depending on whether they want to invest it or health or infrastructure.
Moron : We should have more funds for the mid-day meal scheme. Tamil Nadu-la naanga muttai podarom for Mid Day meal.
Lollu : Muttai podarthukku neenga enna kozhi-a?
Madmohan : Stop the nonsense please.
Sottai : Oh, meeting over ji?

Chee Bambaram : I've also increased the investment immensely in Agriculture and Education.
Moron : Why?
Chee Bambaram : Because farmers and illilterates do not know about the Right to Information Act as yet.
Sottai : Act? You mean drama? Then we give all forward ticket to rear class ji, good idea no?
Chee Bambaram : *pointing at Sottai ji* See the proof.
Lollu : So, all investment for Agriculture and Education ministry?! Please, I want that portfolio ji. I want to serve the country!
Moron : Appo Vasantha Bhavan-la server-a join pannu! Madmohan ji, there is nobody educated like me in the whole of India, I should only get that portfolio ji.
Madmohan : Ya nobody else failed four times in fourth standard.
Sottai : Ji, idea. I permit rear class alone to fail eight times in fourth standard. We pass law?
Madmohan : You first pass SSLC. Chee Bambaram ji, but if nothing progresses will we not lose vote?
Moron : That we can promise home theater system to all farmers before election so that they watch Vayalum Vaazhvum and increase productivity.
Madmohan : What if they watch midnight masala and increase their reproductivity?! Where do you get such salivated ideas?
Moron : Err...what..?
Chee Bambaram : Indha echai idea ungalukku mattum eppadi thonuthu-nu kekkararu.
Madmohan : We should probably encourage corporate spending in rural areas to ensure faster growth. Public Private Partnership (PPP) and all.
Chee Bambaram : The communist parties will oppose it.
Madmohan : Why?
Chee Bambaram : Because they are communist parties.
Madmohan : How do we please them?
Chee Bambaram : 1) Keeping quiet. 2) Call for a nationwide strike.

Madmohan : Good then, lets continue with these and then if farmers can't wait until 3007 A.D. and commit suicide, we will punish them.
Chee Bambaram : Yes. We will collect one rupee from their forehead as death tax and impose a surcharge on cotton stuffing in the nose.
Sottai : Ji, idea. We put law that all rear class body lie face down, so rear will come up.
Moron : Ya, then we can promise Sudermani jetty to all the rears below poverty line!
Lollu : Jetty below waist line-la?

Madmohan : Let us know what the corporate will be paying.
Sottai : You mean just for jetty?
Chee Bambaram : *kottufies on Sottai ji mandai* IT companies will also pay MAT.
Madmohan : We are already getting around 85% from the corporates. Let's concentrate on the defaulters, no?
Lollu : No no, mummy paavam. I am honorary member, ji.
Chee Bambaram : Oh, I've ammended Section 80(G) of the I-T Act and made ministers exempt from taxes already. This will ensure that there are no defaulters.
Sottai : 80G? Is it Parle G super saver pack?
Madmohan : Ok, ok. No changes. I heard you were considering DDT too?
Sottai : No no ji. That my area. DDT is Daman District Tribal. They get 7% seat.
Madmohan : Bleddy, I am talking about Dividend Distribution Tax!
Chee Bambaram : 15% tax will be levied on dividends declared by the companies for the shareholders.
Moron : But didn't you say that DDT is like double taxation because a company pays taxes on its profits and declares dividend only with the remaining amount?
Chee Bambaram : Adhu pona maasam. Naan sollarthu indha maasam!
Madmohan : Super.
Chee Bambaram : Soon I'll include DGT and BJADT also.
Madmohan : Which is?
Chee Bambaram : Dividend Govinda Tax and Bleddy, Just Another Dividend Tax.
Madmohan : Which means?
Chee Bambaram : That the companies will have to send all dividends directly to the government.
Moron : Ji with all the extra money can we give one Padmashree for my second daughter studying in third standard?
Chee Bambaram : What is she doing?
Moron : She has great interest in ball porukkifying in tennis matches ji.
Sottai : Oh what a feat. Ji I recommended her for Bharat Ratna under BRKRR scheme.
Madmoham : ?!
Sottai : Bharat Ratna Kilo Rendu Roobai scheme ji.

Lollu : What about the tax slabs?
Chee Bambaram : I've increased the non-taxable amount by as much as 10,000!!! So each person gets a tax benefit of like 1000 rupees in a year, which is like 3 rupees per day!
Moron : Oh, idhukku paeru benefit-a?
Chee Bambaram : Ippo Royapettah Benefit Fund-nu illa? Adhaala yaarukku enna benefit? (except Kamal) Same logic dhaan.
Moron : Logic-a?
Chee Bambaram : Ya, tax is for them and benefit is for us. Nobody will understand anyways.
Madmohan : How are you so sure?
Chee Bambaram : Even if people end up understanding the tax laws by mistake, I will make sure they won't understand the tax form.

Lollu : But there is this 1% education cess increase which would perhaps cost more than 3 rupees per day?
Sottai : Yayy! We include Bayangara Backward Class as rear category with that money.
Madmohan : Always quota! Were you born in ration shop?! Fine ditch it. Chee Bambaram ji, the corporates are contributing to the growth of the country and we are not giving them any incentives to grow further?
Chee Bambaram : If we give incentives to them, we cannot meet other important commitments like exempting duty on imported Ferrari's and Bentley's of prominent personalities. Bleddy, I am aiming for inclusive growth. Naalu perukku nallathu seyyanumna edhuvumae thappu illa.
Moron : Yaar andha naalu paer?
Chee Bambaram : Nee, naan, Madmohan ji and Lollu ji.
Lollu : Then Sottai ji?
Chee Bambaram : He has already grown enough. If he grows more he will cause inflation. So I have left him out.

Madmohan : Ah, most imporant. What have you done to control inflation?
Chee Bambaram : VLCC membership will be free for all now.
Madmohan : Ayyo not that. The economic inflation?
Chee Bambaram : I am making dog food cheaper. This ensures basic necessity of good food for married men.
Madmohan : Then how will we call this Aam Aadmi Budget?
Chee Bambaram : The same way we call ourselves a progressive alliance!
Madmohan : Alright. Don't you feel the inflation is more due to supply side constraints?
Chee Bambaram : What is the shortage for supply once Lollu ji sets up the Independent Child Factory in Bihar?
Lollu : Err. I said there'll be a coach factory there, not a child factory.
Chee Bambaram : I mean your house.
Madmohan : No, I mean Agriculture is growing at such a slow pace that it is not able to supply goods to the market and this scarcity is causing the price rise. Is it not?
Sottai : Idea ji. We give Horlicks to farmers. It grow taller, higher and stronger. Yepang, opang, japang!

Lollu : Any other reductions?
Chee Bambaram : I've cut duties.
Moron : Cool. I will now have lesser work.
Chee Bambaram : Not your duties, Moron ji. The duty on items I mean.
Moron : Which means?
Chee Bambaram : Many useful items like umbrella parts, door handles, shower caps, bluish black colour leather seat covers, bathroom slippers, cricket bat rubber grips and masuru from Sottai ji mandai will be extremely cheap.
Moron : Oh yaanai mudi maadhiri paanai mudi-a?
Chee Bambaram : Ya, laik that wonly.

. . . and thanks to the live telecast on DD, we all know how the farce ended! :-)

Unfortunately, the first budget I tried to make sense of was utter nonsense :-(

Disclaimer : I completely disown this post. It has been reproduced verbatim from piece of paper lying on the streets of Andheri. All legal disputes may thus be directed to the municipal corporation of Mumbai, if such an entity exists! :-)

Thanks to Sruthi for the budget data and being of help for the first time ever! :-)

And importantly, Happy Birthday Sandhya! :-)

How to become President

2007-02-18T17:30:00.000+05:30

India is claimed to be a land of equality. To validate this claim, the Government had already taken an innovative step towards making everybody in the country equally backward. Next, it is rumoured that steps are being taken to make even the post of President reachable to the common man.

Learn how to apply . . .

1) Application Form

The application form above has been issued by the Samajwadi Party for them to evaluate the candidate whom they would be backing. Take a print out of the form, fill it up and send it to them at yervadi@samajwadi.com.

If you haven't started wondering how would you e-mail a print out, the chances of your application being considered are very bright. Congrats.

2) TASMAC Challenge

Buy a quarter from your nearest TASMAC outlet and collect the letters below the bottle cap. If you succeed in forming the word 'President', you get to participate in the Guduvancheri Spelling Bee contest. If you form the word 'Amhithabbh Bachchchann', you will get the support of the Government to run for President.

Terms and Conditions Apply. This is fine print and is not supposed to be visible. If you are able to read this, call 100 and say 'Mamu, therithu ba' and you will be prostituted or prosecuted as the company deems fit.

3) SMS Contest

Send an SMS to 35007 saying "Pliss, I also the President" and you will be automatically considered. Charges Rs. 10 per message. The money collected will be donated to Shilpa Shetty Welfare Association for building a temple for her in London. Media will be given 10% of the funds to encourage them to cover the event in depth.

Disclaimer : Facts in the above post are as credible as promises in an election manifestoes. Anything which seems insulting is purely a result of possessing knowledge which is against the ideologies of this blog!

Cheers :)

Veerasamy, The Bold God

2007-02-14T03:00:00.000+05:30

First, congratulations for seeing the pic and staying alive to read this. If you were thinking that the snap was taken last year during the elephants' yearly vacation in Mudumalai, you are probably viewing a thumbnail. Joom in, view full size and you will repent for calling elephants fat. There you have India's answer to Jurassic Park : Veerasamy, a Vijaya TR film. A bunch of us representing the Chennai Cheri Bloggers Association relished the fruits of the good deeds we did during our previous birth by watching the best entertainer ever produced, beating Captain's Sudhesi and Narasimha hands down.

*You may read the review without any fear of spoilers. I assure you that there is no story to let out*

Start the Jungle Safari . . .

The screening rights for Veerasamy were bagged by a whopping 43 theaters in the city. Unfortunately only one theater managed to acquire a floodlight to project the film, without which it was impossible to penetrate TR's hair and get the picture on screen. Abirami mega mall is a pepped up version of Saravana Stores with 19 people appointed specifically to do a Tirupati style jarugandi jarugandi at the entrance. The theater was maintained as well as the toilet at Sathyam Cinemas with clear instructions for the visitors to spit their paan on the walls and not on the floor. Watv, lets start!

The city is troubled by Rousu Rani who is doing a gouravamaana vibachaara business. She tries to expand her business to a Special Economic Zone which happened to be Veerasamy's area. The bad guys start bullying people. Suddenly, four people fly out of an asbestos tent. Bang. The tent door opens. There is a road roller parked there. Joom in. It's Veerasamy in black and black to complement his kumkumapoo colour. Weapons are thrown at him but nothing happens since he has as much hair on his body to shield him from a nuclear attack. Karnanukku eppadi oru kavasa kundalamo, adhey maadhiri TR-ku mayiru. This is followed by amazings stunts in which Veerasamy jumps atop cars and eliminates the bad guys. It was the first time in history that an Ambassador car sustained damage.

Veerasamy is a highly respected bear in his constituency. M.A.B.L padichirukkaaram, adhavathu andha naalu alphabets avarukku thorough-va theriyum. He is also an MLA. That mishap occured in the year Salman killed the blackbucks, which resulted in a huge sympathy wave for all animals including bears. He appears whenever people are in trouble and solves their problem by staring at them, thereby making them realise that there are bigger problems in life. When a corrupt official tells a poor guy, "Indha kaaryam nadakkanumna weight-a edhavathu kodu", bear appears with a paarangal and asks "Indha weightu podhuma?" The officer wonders whether Veerasamy was referring to the paarangal or himself!

Mumtaz has taken up the most challenging role in her career, which is to constantly drool at Veerasamy. In most scenes she lands up in trouble and is rescued by Veerasamy making the audience wonder whether MLA stands for Member of Legislative Assembly or Mumtaz Lovers Association. She is delighted when she gets a job as a servant at Veerasamy's house for the only reason that she had never seen a zoo.

Veerasamy has a sister who he holds close to his heart. [Trivia: The closest anybody can get to TR's heart is a distance of 1.3 km taking into account all the masculine hair] Never in the history of Tamil cinema have TR's parents died without giving him a girl child to take care of. *tortoise coil* One thin boy [who would have been ragged to death in school by now for playing junior Veerasamy] affectionately feeds his sister bread and porai. However, looking at their current sizes, that was probably the only scene in which she got to eat! The boy works for daily wages in a construction site and makes his sister study in a convent [confirming his knowledge of M,A,B,L]. He also talks about a billionaire Ibrahim Ravuthar who had brought him up and died subsequently due to lack of funds.

The sister, Senthamizh, falls in love with a 'guy', R.Arun brother of RousuRani. He looked like a person whose sex change operation was halted mid-way due to shortage of a few vital organs. He is a modern guy with something like a Navarathri golu padi screw in one of his ears. Though Veerasamy is againt their love, he fights till the end because he knows that avan azhagukkum arivukkum sathyama vera yaarum kadaikka maatanga.

The romance between Veerasamy and Mumtaz is elevated to new heights. Mumtaz steals Veerasamy's Pears soap and uses it. Do bears use Pears? Anyways, Mumtaz passionately uses the soap thinking about Veerasamy and feels so proud probably because she rescued the soap. She starts hallucinating that Veerasamy is on top of her. Fortunately for her, they remained hallucinations. She lies down everyday on a poster of Veerasamy which was printed on paper manufactured by destroying half the bamboo trees in China. But for Itch Guard, she wouldn't have been able to rest her face on his beard. She drinks the water dripping down from his beard, as a result of which she had cholera for fifteen days and the shooting was postponed. Finally, in an ultimate expression of love, she tattos his name on her chest! [Am considering quitting MBA and becoming a tattoo artist]

Songs take up 140 mins of this 150 minute film. 9 minutes have been used for TR punch dialogues and 1 minute for the story. Almost all songs have the word Veerasamy in them, be it a duet for his sister and ajakku or an oppari song for a person in his thoguthi. It is said that TR put in a lot of effort and refused to shit for two days upto the song shooting. His perfect steps are a tribute to the dance classes he attended at Slim Line Gym. He has worn everything from sherwani to suits to plain undraayer revealing lungi, but always managed to look like a jute bag containing Ponni raw rice. The songs have been picturised in grand sets which make as much sense as having a room heater in Chennai. There is a special romantic song with Mumtaz in a tub of milk. Only two packets of milk were used for it but the tub appeared full when TR and Mumtaz stepped in.

Veerasamy is faced with too many problems. He loses the elections and compares himself with MGR, Kamarajar and Sachin Tendulkar to justify the loss. Luckily for him, the first two are dead and the third one does not know Tamil. Police arrest him under ganja case and tell the Commissioner, "Ivana adichu road-la jetty-oda izhuthuttu varanum-nu nenachaen sir, aana pannala" to which a person from the crowd promptly added, "yaena avan jetty podala sir". Mumtaz is forcibly married off to the new MLA. Dejected, Veerasamy jumps into a rocking chair and defies the laws of physics by not toppling it. Tears drip over his beard and reach his mouth which is opened like the lid of a western closet. In all senti scenes he pointlessly looks around like Pithamagan Vikram. He blurts out, "Enna dhaan irundhaalum naanum manushan dhaaney ya" for which the crowd unanimously cheered a "Illa, karadi!"

In the climax, Veerasamy fights Rousu Rani's rowdies with an aruval and also dances simultaneously because of which his dhothi falls down to reveal his undraayar. Impressed by what they saw, Sudarmani Inc has signed TR as the brand ambassador for their latest free size jettys. Veerasamy picks up his dhothi and continues the steps he learnt in Gemini Circus during his internship. In one last romantic depiction, Veerasamy's dhothi orasifies Mumtaz face during the fight. After succesfully nadathi vechufying his thangaachis marriage, Veerasamy looks down and finds that he has been standing in his jetty aka undraayar for the past fifteen minutes. Avamaanam thaangama he sits down on his rocking chair. The chair doesn't rock. Thamizh cinema dictionary padi, doctor kannadi kazhattinaalo, aadara chair/oonjal ninnalo aal gaali-nu artham. Mumtaz dies too since she had been holding her breath ever since dhothi had orasified her face. The whole theater gave Veerasamy a standing ovation for his energetic body language even after death.

TR had said that he is very slim in the film. Very true. He is the second slimmest person in the film, next only to Mumtaz. The entire cast is eligible for transport only via cargo. It is thus capable of breaking the box-office itself. He has worn sleeveless shirts, track suits and tried his best to look 'youth', but ended up looking something rhyming. Simbhu photo appears throughout the film and beats the 'Pulli Rajavukku AIDS varuma?' campaign for being the most effective disease awareness campaign.

TR is the producer, director, story writer, script writer, art director, music director, singer, cinematographer, clap-board handler, light boy, office boy, hero and comedian in the movie. This has ensured that all aspects of the movie were equally bad except for comedy because it was unintentional.

The film is doing brisk business and is a potential threat to Sudhish's 'That Four Letter Word' which is releasing later this month. It is rumoured that the TV rights for the film recieved bids from international channels like National Geographic, Discovery and Animal Planet leaving Sun TV with no chance at all.

On the whole, please make sure that you watch the movie on the big screen if you want to watch the whole of TR! :) TR-in sevai indha naatukku thevai!

Note 1) Happy New Year :D Vaakku thavara maatom-la! :P

Note 2) Happy Valentines Day! Stop gifting teddy bears to your girl friends. Be creative and buy tickets for Veerasamy to show her the real bear! :)

Note 3) 30 more posts and one lakh more hits! Thanks a ton!! Pardon my laziness! :) I am getting back to my old commenting system not withstanding the trouble of spammers :(

'Genderal' Science

2006-12-26T23:59:00.000+05:30

*Warning: This post contains few gross matter references. Reader discretion is advised. Children are requested not to seek parental guidance and damage their image as well as mine in the process*

Science stands for truth. Nothing is accepted without proof. Thus, speaking scientifically, political science is the best oxymoron known to mankind. A proof establishes new facts using already established facts. Like, Vijaya TR being the dad of Chimpu is an established fact [Source: Animal Planet]. Using this to establish the genetic similarities between a gorilla and chimpanzee is establishing new facts, which are increasingly more complex than the established facts. In short, this process is the sole cause of science text books being as voluminous as Vijaya TR himself. The resulting complexity makes science students wish that Newton had sat under a coconut tree instead.

Read on...

Proof was first stressed in the age of the kings in India. I am making this statement with a reasonable certainity since irrespective of whether we practice something or not, we always have ancient records which undoubtedly indicate that we were the pioneers. King Ashoka was the first to point out that war was indeed a bad thing, which he proved by making thousands of people shed blood. Pallavas proved that sea water is capable of eroding rocks by building temples along sea shores. There was thus a craze to prove anything and everything. One such proof was the gender proof. The members of a kingdom used to prove their gender to the king by going to his 'andhappuram'. The gender was determined by whether the person bent front or back for the king. This was the first ever case of gender test known to mankind.

The first gender test carried out on a global scale was in the 1960s during the Olympics, after reports reached the officials that Karan Johar was born. His/her birth made the officials realize that a middle path could be taken too. He/she opened up a new school of thought. So they started insisting on gender test to ensure fair participation in the games, especially in the women's category.

Initially, as part of gender test, the athletes were required to parade nude in front of a panel of gynecologists. This suddenly threw open a new job opportunity for millions of youngsters who realized that work could be fun. The boom of male gynecologists which started then is yet to subside, since SEX was etched in the minds of guys even before there was big bang [If you are a guy and thought this was something like gangbang, you are a potential gynecologist!]. The practice was discontinued after the news of the birth of a baby named Prakash in TamilNadu, which impregnated the delivery nurse, reached the Olympic officials.

Clinical tests which determined the chromosomes of the athlete soon came into the picture. However, the procedure was termed to be as accurate as the weather predictions of Chennai Meteorological department. When Karan Johar was certified to be male, women's welfare organization came to the rescue and filed a petition to withhold the results of such spurious tests. Trivia: Karan Johar took part in the 2000 Sydney Olympics Marathon and won the gold medal at the 2004 Athens Olympics Marathon, when he finally completed the event after numerous shittings on the way which shifted his priority from completing the event to getting the shit cleaned up soon, just like he does with his movies.

The IAAF was the first to stop this practice, not because it felt that it was humiliating, but because the athletes had to submit a urine test under close medical supervision; which means someone will stare over there when you pee into a glass, if only you manage to gather some pee under external pressure and let it go with sufficient internal pressure to satisfy the needs of the person who is probably holding the glass for you. The IOC stopped this practice after male gynecologists protested against the unnecessary use of technology which was unreliable and urged to get back to the old practice which was natural and ofcourse, a lot of fun.

The Olympics Council of Asia alone continues the practice because they think this is the coolest new thing which is in. Their records are so inaccurate that they still do not know that the process itself is inaccurate! They argue that without testing it is not possible to differentiate amongst the Chinese male and female who all have a flat nose and mostly flat everything else. Why not take gender tests as an eligibility criteria instead of making one famous and humiliating them? No, no, never, they there just for jetty....if everyhting happens according to logic, I would have to shut down this blog :)

Santhi Soundararajan was recently stripped of her silver medal in Doha Asian Games because she failed a gender test. The tests used latest technology of vethalai-la mai thadavarthu, which were far more accurate than the methods Arjun 'Sottai' Singh used to determine the percentage of backward caste people in the country. Santhi has so far been declared male twice and female once based on similar tests and the decision was based on a best of three basis. Since accuracy of the test is a concern, a best of five approach is being recommended by the Olympic Council for future games.

NDTV flashed the news as "India's Shame" because, in an attempt to deliver the news first to their viewers, it parsed the information so quickly that it interpreted "Santhi stripped of silver medal in Asian Games" as "Santhi stripped in Asian Games". With this authentic news it collected by advanced Chinese Whisper techniques, this is how they worked out their headlines: Strip = Nude = Puppy shame = India's shame. The quick work is all set to earn the channel the award for the best news channel in India for the year 2006.

The Government of India was unavailable for comment on the issue since they had much pressing issues like the performance of Indian cricket team in South Africa, deciding on the next hot chic after Sania to award the Padmashree etc to discuss in the assembly. Besides, India was already in a healthy situation with a total tally of 201 medals (in all Asian games put together, obviously) that one silver medal was going to make any difference at all. By telepathy, a far more reliable technique than gender tests, it was found that Dr. Mani Shankar Aiyer, our Sports Minister, was reflecting on his goals - to groom new talent, filter them based on looks and finally have a huggable product.

We the people of India, solemnly swear to nurture talent irrespective of caste [general category excluded], creed, religion, state and economic background [eligible if annual income > 3 lakhs] as long as you are a hot chic. If not, please apply for sports quota in IITs.

Disclaimer: Unless you are the person being accused, all these are facts. If you are being accused, you must know that the previous statement is false :)

Note: This marks my second anniversary in blogosphere. Chennai vandhu I have met bloggers on three occasions and this is my first blog :D

Lotsa topics to write on. But interest dhaan illa. To rejuvenate some interest in blogging I am gonna analyse my Google Adsense Revenues and optimize them, till I can find a better strategy :)

Hope you guys had a merry xmas!! Happy New Year adutha blog-la wisharaen! Tata :)

Err

2006-11-26T01:45:00.000+05:30

You must have heard of reinventing the wheel, but ever heard of reinventing the clock? It's simple really. All it takes is a little bit of carelessness and people here already have the first movers advantage! :)

Decided to take part in some competitions before I get back to this blog, but why say no when something comes knocking? :)

Am pretty convinced that the web development was outsourced. But why choose one who doesn't know the difference between 'therapist' and 'the rapist'? Enna kodumai idhu, Saravanan? :)

To err is human. To forgive this, you must be a swine! :)

In other matters:
1) Vote asap if you find the choices convincing!
2) Chimpu speaks like lord langotti after doing all this.
3) If you interested in kavithai and other senti matters, go here since am trading foreign chocolates for visitors to that site and keeping up my vaakku :)

Ippothikku ambuttu dhaan. Next meet pannaraen :)

Dharmapuri : Review

2006-11-12T20:30:00.000+05:30

Lifestyles have advanced so much these days that police are kept on high alert with intelligence information indicating a possible Al Qaeda terrorist attack. If only such advancements existed three decades ago, many tragedies like the birth of our very own 'Imsai Arasan' Perararasu could have been easily avoided. The man's image among the masses has made the likes of Gillette consider marketing their new series of razors with the 'Perarasu' tag. Anyways, lets concentrate on the real hero of the film, our very own Gabtun!

Read the Captain sized review. . .

The year 2006 has been the best year for Captain fans with three of his films hitting (and damaging) the screens. Dharmapuri was believed to be a youthful love story when it was announced. I was taken aback then. The only way a Captain film could be a youthful love story was the heroine being a narcissist. Nonetheless, I decided to check out the film while in Chennai. With great difficulty Ferrari, Magix and myself got tickets for the night show at Woodlands Symphony, where we were the only ones who did not drive an auto or rick.

Two villains named Peruchaalikaruppu (Rat black) and Silandhikaruppu (Spider black), while the name of their dad is Mokkaiyan (Perarasu) adichufy in many villagers stomach. [Most of the pre-production work of the film involved naming of characters] The villagers realise this is because they were unable to karachufy the oorlaye periya manushans asthi in their oor, which they decide unanimously in their AiNa sabai meeting under aala maram. Tamil cinemas unwritten rule states that all the 18 pattis are by default headed by Vijaykumar, or atleast by his photo if he is already dead. They believe that Vijaykumar's aathma has not attained shanthi [Yaen ellarum Shanthi-a adayanum-nu aasai padaraanga? Ava enna appadi oru gumeel figure-a?] and only his son Sivaram can karachufy it [appadiye asthi karaikka NIIT course padichirukkanum-la]

Four edupudis of Vijaykumar set out to find Sivaram with a chinna vayasu photo. They however roam from city to city since they actually do not know which city the guy is in [Padathula yaarum logic illa-nu sollida koodaatham]. In Rameswaram they adopt the Singara Velan's 'mayiru kudu Sumathi kaataraen' technique. Joom panni paatha one big image with a yellow-black-red ring as big as Nokia 3310. Camera slightly going up. I was glad to discover that Captain was not standing in the same Singara Velan Kushboo pose. Instead he had turned his head. Ellam oru effect dhaan. Whatever said and done, Captain is a mass hero aachae; mass ofcourse can take more than one meaning here.

Captain intro. Rowdy gets hold of a girl and shoots Police mama who comes to rescue her. Mama cap flies off and Captain catches it. Oru oattai cap-a pudichuttu perumaiya oru look viduvaar. Bad guy shoots at Captain. Bullet in slo mo. I thought Captain was going to bend in Keanu Reeves style and dodge the bullet. But no. I guess neraya ippadi kuninju he had iduppu vali. So he decided to stay still. The bullet hits his chest and bounces back to kill the bad guy! To make this logical, Captain takes an archanai thattu hidden inside his shirt which was fastened to his body by means of an arana kayiru and throws it down. Impressed by this, our Chief Minister has promised to give away free archanai thattus to all families below poverty line and arana kayiru to all the backward classes to protect themselves from terrorist attacks.

Captain and his friend supply chairs for marriages, but still he does all charity as if he is Gulf return. The title song "Annan kotayila kodi parakkamuda" was penned by Peraruvai to suit Captain's image. But he failed to anticipate that a slight mispronounciation of kotai can cause great embarassment to Captain. Meanwhile the edupudis manage to trace Captain with Google Earth since he was the only person in Rameswaram to be visible from a satellite picture.

Start flashback. Vijaykumar was the oor periya manushan who insisted that not even one pudi sand should go out of the village as sand and they should make earthenware and sell it. Idha oru periya mayiru policy-a vechundu kaalam muzhukka he was there. One day, he supplies hundred earthern horses as a gift to the temple and like moolai ketta naai keeps all the horses by the pond so that his brother Mokkaiyan pushes ten horses into the pond to spoil his name. Later when the oor makkal tell him, "Ayya paththu kuthirai kuraiyuthu ya", instead of just replacing them, like periya pudungi he shouts "endra solli poatta neeyii", that they have sandhega pattufied him. Vijaykumar is the closest relative of kavari maan that mankind knows of, so he dies soon, telling them that his asthi should be karachufied in the same oor. When they try to fulfil his last wishes, Spiderblack and the other black stop them. Adhaan matter. Captain also vaguely remembers that he was playing hide and seek with his murai ponnu at that time and was about to open a koodai to check if he can go hit eyes boys!

Now Peraruvai gives a twist. Captain takes a promise from the edupudis that he will do lot of thillalangadi in village, but nobody should complain. The entire village is waiting for Captain's arrival. His murai ponnu is also waiting to sight adichufy him [Kali kaalam]. Captain cleverly swaps roles with his servant who enters the village as Sivaram and his murai ponnu is mighty disappointed. Ofcourse unmai therinja disappointment suicide aagi irukkum. All edupudis now only remember the promise and understand Captain's plans. Idhu enna periya Pokhran anu gundu plan-nu suspense-a vechirundhaaro therila.

Captain will be sleeping in kayathu kattil with the ropes almost touching the ground. Bad guys come to kill him. As and when the villains come nearby he will shake his leg or arm, the bad guys bulti adichu fall down and the kattil understandably breaks. Cut. Next shot. New kattil. One more bad guy and more kattil. Art director suggested that they can use thenna maram instead of thengai naaru to support Captain. Idhu enna Shankar padama onnuku poratha irundhaalum adha Ohio-la porathukku? Peraruvai is budget masala director. So he refuses the offer and manages by making the bad guys run away by showing his face in close up.

Heroines of Captain movies always thurathi thurathi sight adichufy Captain. Ippadi oru role accept pannara alavukku paavam avanga kudumbathula enna kashtamo. Mama yaaru-nu kandu pudikka pora vazhila oru koodai veppa namma heroine. Servant will walk off, but Captain nice-a poi will check if his murai ponnu is still under the koodai. Ippadi patta soft, touching senti scenes-ku match panna mudiyaama dhaan Mani Ratnam Mumbai poitaaru padam edukka. Enna oru emotion. Cha. But if a person sits inside a koodai for 25 years in two bathroom position, she can survive only if she has some compelling reason to do so. If looking at Captain's face 25 years later is that compelling reason, then she'd rather die a peaceful death. This scene thus stands out as the biggest flaw in this otherwise completely logical movie. The edupudis fix up marriage of heroine with Sivaram. Thinking Subramani to be Sivaram, she decides to hang herself and fan-la she kayiru kattifies and stands on a stool. Her father rushes in and vendha pun-la verala paachara maadhiri tells her that Sivaram is Captain and not the servant. That was enough reason for her to kick the stool. But idha graphics-la edit pannitaanga. It still is a budget film. Graphics was used because Captain offered to help free of cost and MS Paint poi rubber vechu stool-a azhichutaaru.

Interval vidarthukku munnadi Captain says oru super punch dialougue to the villains who are trying to kill him. "Enna nambaravangalukku naan nambikkai. Nambaathavangalukku....", tshk tshk tshk, Captain splits into three Captains on screen and the audience wake up in fear, "echarikkai". Actually by default Captain said "thumbikkai", which was later changed during dubbing. Rocking BGM by Srikanth Deva, who plays part time music in films and full time in Kannammapettai.

Now Captain sees that the entire village has named their sons Meiyappan (our kavari maan's name). Meiyappan I, Meiyappan II, Meiyappan III [King George III irukkarchae Meiyappan III irukka koodatha enna?] appadinu one one kid tells his name [now we know why female infant moratlity ratio is high in villages, yes, Vijaykumar dhaan kaaranam] and Captain-ku orey grass itchings. He gets into serious action. There is this ayyanar kovil festival in which oor periya manushan dressed as ayyanar runs around the village. Captain oor-a suthi odina, suthi vara oor irukka vaenaama? That's why he made the servant act as Sivaram. Classy touch from Peraruvai, with layers of the plot slowly being unravelled. So Subramani runs as ayyanar around the village and the bad guys try to kill him, when Captain takes this avataram. . .

Body full-a sandal. Sathyamangalam is now obviously out of the map. In this costume even ayyanar would have been shit scared to come in front of Captain. The bad guys were shattered.

Next, Captain lures Spiderblack and Ratblack by selling them both the same piece of land in return for hopsital turned club and school turned wine shop, which kavari maan had built. After fooling them, he re establishes the school and the hospital in the name of Meiyappan. Innum toilet vaasal-la gents and ladies bathila Meiyappans and Meiyammas-nu ezhutharthu mattum dhaan baaki. School, teacher, students ellarukkum name Meiyappan dhaan. Proxy poda easy.

After enough action, Peraruvai has given a fast paced duet for Captain with orey fast beats and you can see how much weight Captain has lost. Captain's best by far. The human rights commision is recommending this song as a substitute for the death sentence of Saddam Hussein. Rumours say that Saddam has indicated his preference to be hung nude in public instead of being subjected to this. Verdict, as always, is pending.

Climax-la Peraruvai has brought Captain's presence of mind to the fore and made us realise its absence. Spiderblack, Ratblack, Mokkaiyan and MLA come with an army of people to take away sand after realising Captain is Sivaram. Fifty people stand in front of Captain, one behind the other, in height order. One punch from the man. They fall like dominos. The fiftieth person doesn't move away even though he knows that the tenth person has started falling. Selai maadhiri nipaanga and they all fall down making a "aaah" sound. Valikkuthaam. Then without getting close to Captain, they all run to fetch the sand. Captain warns them. Then he takes out an MP3 player remote which has 3 buttons in it and activates 30 bombs with it. How? Diwali-ku orey thiri-la 7 shots vedikkuthu-la, ennikkavathu how-nu kaettirukeengala? Adhey dhaan idhuvum.

The villains then go to school and catch hold of Meiyappans VI, X and XXI. They announce in the speaker that they have got a bunch of Meiyappans with them and they make the Meiyappans cry into the mic to make Captain realize the seriousness of the issue. Captain rescues the kids and appifies mannu on the villains face and they gasp for breath. When they are about to collapse, Captain pours water on their face to save them. They open their eyes. See Captain. Die.

Appuram "Annan kotayil kodi parakkumada" paattu replay panni embarass pannitaanga Captain-a, paavam.

Peraruvai also made a guest appearance as a lawyer, mentioned all his movies till date and assured the audience that he will surely direct more movies. Irukkara mokkai poraathu-nu Steven Spielberg range-ku dialogue vaera. Narayana indha kosu tholla thaanga mudila da, marandhu adichu kollunga da!

The film had a lot of political flavour to it. I understand they are trying to project They Mu Thi Ka [not ketta vaarthai, katchi name]. Adhukkaga jetty kooda yellow-red-black la podarthu is a too much. Captain also has a sandhanam-kungumam (yellow-red) combo always on his forehead. If you are wonderin where's black, hey, that's our man! Poraatha kurai-ku lotsa Captain praising dialogues like . . .

'Ivaru naadodi illa da, naadodi mannan' [Next enna ivaru Sudhesi illa da Paradesi-a?]

'Ivaru kootani amaikka maataru da, thani aala dhaan nipparu' [Thani aal-ey kootani maadhiri irundha appuram kootani edhukku thaniya?]

Overall it is a treat for Captain fans, especially for the guy sitting next to me who made a big issue about somebody dancing during the title song saying that he can't see Captain on screen. Sathyama this happened. I was thinking appadiye Captain maranjuttalum!!

Thats just all I can remember from the movie!! Long time aachu, ellam google amukks pannitu pogavum :D

This post is dedicated to Witchu who had her birthday a week back and failed to remind me to wish her! I don blame her at this old age though :D

And best wishes to all those writing that dreaded exam next week. CAT! Special wishes to Magix who is writing it on his birthday :)

Note: The lack of spoiler warnings for this movie might piss off some ardent Captain fans. But what do I do when the whole movie is a spoiler? :D

Taking off

2006-10-31T02:00:00.000+05:30

Warning : To all those who read the title and were all excited thinking this is a matter post, please spend some time on debonairblog before you get back to read this informative post.

Air travel has become excessively popular these days. There are perhaps more number of airlines in operation today than the number of backward castes in the country, which give us a lot of choice to confuse ourselves and mess it all up. Taking my valuable time off from Orkut, I am trying to throw some light on all these matters in this blog. Throwing light on matters may sound ironical to some, but all like angelic souls would understand my commitment. So let's take off!

Until about 2 years ago, I had no idea as to how it looked inside an aircraft. Although my first travel in an Airbus was in 2002, it did not give any clear picture because it was an SRM college bus, not the one made by Boeing. My first flight was to Bangkok on Thai Airways. Understandably I was keen to look at the airhostess since they were expected to be gumeel figures in international airlines. They were dressed in traditional Thai costume, which consisted of an ulpaavadai, blouse and a kaasi thundu on top. In the dinner they served, only bun and butter were edible, but they were also unlimited, so koocha padaama kaettu mukkinaen :D. And yeah, Thai naatin thaai kulam are not bad :D

One thing I understood during my first flight journey itself is that all of them begin on a note of yezhavu. Immediately after you sit and make yourself comfortable, you hear a voice which says, "Here is what you have to do in case of any unfortunate happenings during the journey". As soon as you see the live demo going on, demonstrating the use of life jackets just in case the aircraft were to land on the sea, you feel like telling them a lot of things including "Un vaai-la phenyl oothi kazhuva", "Un vaai-la dharbai-a poattu posukka" and "Un moonji-la en peechangai-a veikka". Then they serve sweets which no one feels like eating after hearing all the yezhavu talk. Imagine that you are going to the beach on your bike and somebody stops you to say "Just in case accident aagi nee mandai-a podara nilamai vandha bayappadaatha, indha number-ku call panna mortuary van varum. And yeah, indha paal paayasam kudichuttu po, idhukku appuram kudikka nee iruppiyo maatiyo".

I travelled by Indian on my first trip to Mumbai. The name of the aircraft, Indian, was apt - the crew on board consists solely of Indian thathas and paattis. This is actually a smart move by the Indian government to cut costs - since they have to accomodate the crew on board free of cost, they were actually losing out a lot of money. So they decided to recruit only senior citizens - which means they lose less fare. (I am not sure about the authenticity of this, but I am sure our government is capable of such reasoning) Paattis are dressed in saffron to make them look like kollu paattis. The entire flight is lit by a dull light normally used in kattana kazhipparai (pay toilets). They give pretty decent food, but the quantity is so much that they make sure you waste it. Only sincere people like me who treat food wastage as a crime do justice :D

Air Deccan had to be on my list since Mumbai-Chennai takes 24 hrs by train and I am incapable of ignoring mother nature's calls for such a long duration. Luckily they fly an airbus between Chennai and Mumbai, not the ATR which I've always suspected to use a discarded engine from KPN Travels' busses. The aircraft would have cost a couple of lakhs of rupees, and hence the tag 'low cost airline'. The boarding pass is printed on recycled toilet paper and does not contain any useful detail which you might look for; like say, seat numbers. It's free seating. So if you are a pakki looking for a window seat, like me, or a pattikaadu who pronounces aisle as Isil, you need not be embarassed any more. Just carry a turkey towel and throw it on the nearest seat you want and it is reserved for you. For a better flight, make sure your towel lands just behind the emergency exit coz that's approximately where the air hostess figure would demonstrate the yezhavu awareness lessons. Kodutha kaasukku atleast sight adichuttu pogalaam. Not that the airhostess are pretty and all, the consolation is that they are not double your age. So manasaatchi uruthaama you can sight. The Air Deccan flights have a weird air conditioning system - you see a lot of smoke like in Kailasam behind Lord Siva. This I guess is to make the passengers aware that the AC is switched on. Further, if you have no other velai masuru, you can even bid for something on-board (not the hostess). Importantyly - No food. No sweets. No cotton. No water. The hostesses are actually trained to say a stereotypical "Sorry sir, we do not have it on-board". You might probably get the same reply if you ask for the captain. Kodukkara 1000 rupees-ku vada payasathoda saapada poda mudiyum? Ambuttu dhaan.

Go Air, another low cost airline, is similar to Air Deccan. The hostess and stewards are all dressed in dubai pink/green/blue/orange which if you wear on the road, street dogs would chase you to death. The figures are slightly better on this one, but I cannot comment much since the only time I flew Go Air, I slept through the entire journey, refusing even the free water bottle which they give! (Muzhicha appuram romba feel pannaen oasi item miss pannitaen-nu) The flight landed in Mumbai at 2.30 am and there was this terribly long journey of 20 mins to the airport in the bus! I do not know why we travelled for such a long time, but I was wondering if we were thiruttu thanama entering the airport. Enga Mumbai secoority aapeesar kitta "I am Gaja ka dhosth"-nu solla solluvaangalo-nu nenachaen. But appadi endha asambaavithamum nadakkala.

I have not flown on Jet Airways or Kingfisher. If I tell my dad I've booked my tickets on those he'd say, "Onnum vara thevai illa, angaye kada". Pretty expensive, but I've heard the service and all is excellent. Irukkara 1.5 hrs-ku service enjoy panna thripthi irukkathu in any case, so why waste money! But am determined to fly back by Kingfisher once I get placed! I've seen some samples of air hostesses in the airport and I've concluded that Vijay Mallya is one kalaa rasigan. Bloody bugger. All gummel figures only. I'd keep calling the hostess to ask the time when am on-board. Window seat vaenaam, Isil dhaan bestu :D

A few learnings from my kutti experience flying between Chennai and Mumbai.
1) Never sit on the emergency exit or in the last row. The guy in front of you would definitely push his seat back and all you can do is abuse him quietly in a language he does not know.
2) If you are really despo, do something which you are not supposed to do and the hostess will automatically come to you.
3) Do not read the magazine in front of you especially if you are in Air Deccan. It will be filled with recipes and will remind you to be hungry, and on the next page you see that water costs 10 rupees.

Ippo ellam I am and all only the flight flying. Helps me stay in Chennai as long as possible and I can't even think of wasting the time in a train journey. Back in Mumbai after a 17 day stay in Chennai and already planning the next visit! Seekiram padichu mudichu kalyanatha pannikkanum :D

Last blog panna date paatha July 25th. Almost 100 days aachu bledy! Not that I was extremely busy and all, just that I did not know what was happening around to make fun of. So oru starting point-a irukkattum wrote some crap now. Saw Dharmapuri while in Chennai, thalaivar kalakittaru! :D Many good souls mailed/scrapped/smsed me asking me to blog. Very happy-a poodchu. Thanks to all of you. Adjust with this blog for the time being :)

Here is wishing Vidya a happy married life! She's a good friend I earned through blogs. Vidya, un kalyaana saapadu was super di! I doubt if she'd still be reading my blogs after marriage, but still :D

I guess I have polambified enough about what all has been happening. Nextu meet pannaraen :)

I've begun quizzing

2006-07-09T11:19:00.000+05:30

Things in a B-School are so different. People here are kinda intellectual and do wanna lotsa stuff other than academics. They conduct e-mail quizzes and have all quizzer of the month fundas which they believe will improve their general knowledge. But enakku general-a knowledge-ey kadayaathu! Still, I decided to attend one of these quizzes since googling was permitted But since, even googling was not of much help, this is what happened . . .

Name the 1st ISI certified product.
Bihar Telephones, certified by Institute of Statewide Ignorance as early as the birth year of Lalu.

Sania Mirza and Sunil Gavaskar were signed up as brand ambassadors by which company?
Sania for Pepsi, Yeh Dil Maange More.
Gavaskar, I don care!

In "TIPS Cassettes Industries", what does TIPS stand for?
Maybe the chairman’s initials. But then which chairman wud have initials that when read the other way reads SPIT? Whatever! Pass!

Name the biscuit brand which has the highest sales in the world.
Tiger biscuits (before Ganguly endorsed)

Name the 94 year old product created by Hakim Hafiz Abdul Majeed which translates into English as 'Soul Enlightenment".
One of them may be Lalu Prasad Yadav, which literally translates into “Sole Entertainment”. Not sure about the other.

A soap's name which reads the same backward as well?
Seriously, Liril. *claps*
The product had been positioned so well that it still remains etched in my mind. By product, I obviously mean the girl who came in it and not the soap.

Which is the largest traded e-commerce site in India?
www.indiagov.org
That’s the biggest trade thing in the world! That explains the .org extension instead of a customary .gov

Name the bank endorsed by Hema Malini. (a sitter)
State Bank of India. If not, this is not a sitter!

A mega hit advertisement, 1st of its kind, created by Mudra`s high post guy who got the idea while watching a cricket match. Name the Ad.
The DHL Jumbo ad which said however big it is, we carry it or something like that. The idea might have occured during the 2003 World Cup Extra Innings 'show'.

Name the production companies floated by Shahrukh Khan.
The latest float was by the man himself, in a bath tub with rose petals. Shux...I mean, Lux!

Cheers!

Note 1 : This educative and informative post is dedicated to this pullankuzhal illa krishnan and and this playboy and this silent romeo for all getting placed in Infy. Congrats!! Continue working for CAT!!

Note 2 : Girls are requested not to attend Infy interviews henceforth in their own interest.

P.S. : Inga me the speak orey the inglipis and hindi . So en thamizh veena pogaama irukka naan nextu blog-u tanglish-la ezhuthalamnu irukkaen. Maramando-3 poatta yaaravathu padipeengala illa puthu movie-a launch pannanuma?

Away From Home

2006-06-20T23:30:00.000+05:30

Being away from home is one of the most bugging things in life, barring the case of honeymoon ofcourse. It gives you so many things to take care of; responsibilities you'd be proud if your child had, but really not interested in having them yourself. It is said that it transforms a boy into a man. But for people like me, who've already been through this transformation and all geared up even for a honeymoon, it doesn't really matter

Language is a small barrier, not because I do not know Hindi. I infact know Hindi very well, the only problem being that the people here do not know the Hindi that I know! I know numbers from Ek to Therah (thanks to the song from Tehzab), then I know Bhaiyya, then I know the all important Thoda Thoda Maalum and Mujhe Hindi Nahi Maalum which I use based on the Hindi proficiency of the person I am talkin to, and I also know a bunch of expletives which play a vital role while interacting with my friends here. Honestly, I can understand Hindi very well provided it is spoken at the speed of Ooty toy train. Whether I learn to speak Hindi fluently or not I've started teaching them Tamil! They find Tamil funny. Chumma means kiss-aam. Idhula avungalukku enna avalo sandhoshamo therila. Namma oorla kooda dhaan Hotha (H silent)-ku vaera meaning. Idhellam jagajam dhaaney?!

Bachelors hostel rooms are generally pathetic, giving the picture of a slum dwelling (minus the colour TV if you were thinking of a slum area from Tamil Nadu). But here, they are super well maintained. Though the bathrooms are common, we generally do not face a problem since Arjun Singh has not yet introduced reservations in this segment. If that happens, I'll have to keep one leg outside while taking bath I believe. And then one washing machine per floor, which 25 of us use till the coil burns

It is supposed to be rainy season here in Mumbai. It was infact raining heavily when I landed here (nallavanga irukkara edathula ellam mazhai peyyumaam, so no wonder) and continued to do so for a week, after which the meteorological department played spolisport. They predicted extremely heavy rainfall here from the 6th of June. The rains stopped on the night of 5th June. Since then, the sun has been shining brightly as if the heads of thousands of Deve Gowdas are being used as reflectors here. I strongly recommend the Government to stop investing the money in Met Dept and instead start a matchmaking (not sivakasi theepetti match) forum which would be a lot more profitable. Or it can even be used for other useful purposes like teaching Arjun Singh simple mathematics - percentages in particular. I mean, the forecasting is so bad that it stops raining even during monsoon! Namma sattelites ellam what doing? Seriya dhaan irukka? Or Baakistan Deeviravathigal hack pannitaangala?? I am going to try scribbling INSAT 1A, INSAT 1B etc on Saneeswaran kovil sevuru to help them function properly. Edho nammaala mudinjathu.

Food here is terribly monotnous! Though we get chapathi with different side dishes everyday, for rice its always one pichakaara dhaal! For morning breakfast I have a technologically advanced Idly which reverses the irreversible process of steaming and becomes dough again. Colour plays a vital role in helping me distinguish between Sambhar and Payasam. The left over Sambhar can be used as Manja Thanni for aththai ponnus to pour on mama payyans, without requiring any dilution. Diabetic patients are generally requested to avoid eating Dosa in Andheri area. Even milagu appalam tastes like our ulunthu appalam! I guess chilli powders are used only on the eve teasers here. My tonugue thus has RIP embossed on it, and I have resorted to the only possible alternative of asking mom to send parppu podi

Girls are one of the main reasons people do not wish to leave Mumbai! Being from down south, I was under the impression that girls always prefer to wear churidhaars. But there seems to be a blanket ban on such costumes in Mumbai. So far I have seen girls only in T-Shirts, that too ones which are a couple of sizes smaller! Also, "sleeveless" here means "nearly topless" for most, which is nothing but our Sudermani banian in Tamilnadu. Theatres like Jothi and Pilot are thus of no necessity here. Since we have a B-School, Engineering College, Arts College and School in the same campus, I get to see people from all age groups and all walks of life . Edho naan nallavana irukkarthaala naan undu en velai undu-nu irukkaen....!

One thing which I miss majorly is being out of touch with whats happening around!! Reading news online is kinda irritating but I gotta get used to it I guess Inga TV nahi. TV-ey irundhaalum Gabtun movies arumai eppadi puriya veppaen ivangalukkellam?! Those of you who are still around checking this blogspace, HELP!! How do you guys stay up to date with clowns like Arjun Singh and periya thalais like Gabtun? This info me definitely need to continue blogging

Anyways amidst all these matters I do get time to study. Four years aachu padichu! I am infact known to be studious here, always in my room with my laptop it seems! Test vecha how much u getting-nu enna paathu ppl asking!! Periya insult!! In my four years of college life nobody has dared to ask me the portions even!

***

Those in Chennai, I hereby invite you people to THIS bloggers meet on 24th June, which I will obviously not be attending . Somebody go and eat something on my behalf and pay for it without fail! From my past experiences at bloggers meet, I advise you guys to carry some cotton with you to stuff them in your eyes coz Sandhya is expected to grace the occasion. Ava flight maadhiri. Take off-aana kaathu gaali. So you shall the take care. I don want people complaining here tommorow and suing me in case of ear bleeding

***

One important matter. I am the Praveen B.E. officially! Arrear vekkama 4 years. Aatha I am the pass!!

Note : Before I officially put up a "I am back" board out here, I need some vetti websites. Till then ippadi mokkai blog-a poattu bore adippaen

Me the escape!

2006-05-31T08:00:00.000+05:30

In the airport.

Pic taken using Integrated Webcam of Lenovo 3000 N100.

Blogged using wi-fi.

Vetti scene.

Its all in the game.

Tata Chennai. See you in Mumbai :)

Me into Politics

2006-05-09T21:30:00.000+05:30

The number of political parties in India is simply phenomenal. New parties crop up every year which, even in a country where citizens do their night duty perfectly irrespective of whether they pay heed to other duties, easily outnumber the number of birthday parties. Karthik recently joined the list of actor turned comedians like Pandiarajan, Bagyaraj etc, when he announced his affiliation to All India Forward Block, which planned to contest in a mammoth 2 out of 232 seats all over Tamil Nadu. The party later withdrew from both the seats since the party members unanimously decided that the deposit money could be used to buy tea instead. Inspired by Karthik, I have decided to float my own party which will contest in the next elections.

The first task was to decide the name of the party. Since the party has its base in Tamil Nadu, I decided that it must incorporate Dravidian principle for it to even stand a chance. Dravida Munnetra Kazhakam, Anna Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam, Marumalarchi Dravida Munnetra Kazhakam and Desiya Murpoku Dravida Kazhakam were already taken. Even Karadi Kutti TR has a Latchiya Dravida Munnetra Kazhakam, the only possible latchiyam of whose members is to find out what lies inside TR's beard. So, with almost all the Dravidian names taken, I am going with the only name spared. My katchi will be called Rahul Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam (RDMK)....

Being farsighted, I decided to release a ten point maifesto right away. They have been formulated with the sole aim of getting the poor people support. The rest can go to hell.

1) Free computer with matter CDs to all students who fail to make it past second standard. Provision of matter CDs makes this scheme a part of the "Suya Udhavi Kuzhu" thittam since they wouldn have anything better to do. So we keep you occupied.

2) Free cycle for all people who are below poverty line with one year International on-site warranty on the cycle chain. International warranty will be useful if your cycle faces technical problems on your way to Afghanistan (which we assume you wouldn be stupid enough to do). Note : Warranty void if your name is Cheran.

3) Free plasma colour TV for villagers, after they manage to a) build a house b)get electricty for it c)sustain electricty connection by paying the bill for one year. If not, doesn't really matter, I'll be campaigning for the next election by then, when I'll promise free house for all citizens.

4) Free 10 acres land for the poor landless farmer, for which you need to convince us that you really are poor and landless. (Fineprint, don't read : The cost of convincing us would be decided based on land prices at that time. And yeah lotsa conditions apply)

5) Free LG Microwave Oven and Jaadhika Badrinath's "Samachu podu di kasmaalam" recipe book for all poor housewives who manage to pronounce Microwave Oven without any mistake. If you have problems doing that, you get one month supply of LG Perungayam instead. Same brand, fair enough?

6) Free 10Kg Ponni Rice to all families below poverty line, provided Ms. Ponni agrees to part with her rice. If not, we are sorry, our government is committed to providing quality goods and hence we cannot give you low quality ration rice.

7) Free mobile phones for the poor under the "One Kuppam" scheme. Since people in the area speak at aaproximately 120 decibels, it involves the use of cutting edge technology to dampen these voice signals by pouring water from the top, to make sure the entire kuppam does not overhear you.

8) Free ceiling fan to all those who live in huts. Our team is already trying to figure out how this could be done. Once that is done, every family gets a free ceiling fan provided they have facilities to fix a switch board on the wall.

9) Free washing machine will be given to all poor families that have the habit of washing their clothes. This scheme will be implemented after approval from the Prime Minister, Finance Minister, Home Minister and the Chief Ministers of all states, just to make sure that the scheme is not implemented in 5 years. We take complete responsibility in blaming one of the above mentioned persons for the delay in implementation.

10) Add to the greenery of the state with the "Pothar valarpom, pin matter seivom" scheme.

I promise that I shall be committed and work towards the fulfilment of the above objectives. Seeya in five years time! :-)

Arjun Singh : Exclusive Interview

2006-04-24T11:00:00.000+05:30

Suggestion : If you are seriously looking to know what Arjun Singh said, I suggest you watch the Mr. Bean show. The consequences are similar.

One of the greatest reforms introduced in independent India was announced this month, by our beloved minister Arjun Singh. It is the best thing to happen to India since the MoU signed between the Indian Government and MNC Kaekraan Maekraan for the "non-yellowy" maintenance of public toilets. 22.5% of the seats were reserved during the formation of the Indian republic, because it represented the percentage of people who belonged to the backward sections of the society. Now, applying the same logic, or the lack of it, Arjun Singh calculates the percentage to be 49.5% and confirms it saying that the highly reliable figure has been calculated using Casio calculators. In this Pravunplugged exclusive, Arjun Singh shares his pearls of wisdom, gokulam and champak with us.

Read Interview . . .

Note : The name Arjun Singh has been abbreviated and represented as AS in the following interview. Please do not conclude that I am mocking at the minister by reading AS as a single word. I have no necessity to do so since we all know how AS himself manages to add an extra S behind his abbreviation.

Interviewer : Hello sir, how do you do?
Arjun Singh : Hello. Do not ask personal questions. You should have paid better attention to your biology class in 9th standard to know how you do.

I : I meant how are u, sir.
AS : Oh like that-eh? Me, I am very old, fat, bald and fair. You?

I : I am fine sir.
AS : So, what are we here for?

I : (Hmmm..Un mandai-la kuttarthukku!) An interview sir, can we start?
AS : Yes, ofcourse.

I : What is your opinion about reservations?
AS : They are very good. They give you confidence that you have seat for sure.

I : ??!?!?
AS : Yes, we should more reservations and reduce the number of RACs and Waiting Lists.

I : Sir, I am talking about reservations in educational institutions, not railway reservations.
AS : Ha Ha! What a fool I am!

I : Sahi jawaab.
AS : Eh??

I : Pardon me, so what's you opinion sir?
AS : They very important for country like India.

I : Why so?
AS : Areey. I pity the ignorance of youngster like you. Because India obviously fall under the category of country like India, if not fully, atleast partially.

I : I mean why is it important for countries like India?
AS : Because population different. One section front, other section rear. Front section going fronter and rear section going rearer.

I : You have studied your 9th standard biology perfectly, sir!
AS : Ha Ha! I always bright student.

I : Ofcourse you are very bright sir, especially when the sun is shining and the reflector on your head is well oiled!
AS : That's why I thought 49.5% reservation can be brought about. So that rear can also come front and both will be front.

I : Do you plan to increase the percentage further, sir?
AS : Yes. Presently there are SC/ST/OBC category. In future I bring in AFOBC and YIABC category and there will be 100% reservation.

I : AFOBC and YIABC??
AS : A Few Other Backward Classes and Yayy I Also Backward Class category.

I : With 100% reservation, what about General Category?
AS : This is master plan boy, you no understand. With this scheme, there no general category. Everybody in backward category somehow and we can have equality. So the front also go to rear and from there equal competition between both the rears to go to front.

I : But what about the country's economy?? Will that not be affected without progress?
AS : That Chidambaram ji handle. If he can unable to, then I temporarily include RAC and Waiting List in educational institoosan, so that if reserved seat not taken by rear, the front can take the rear seat.

I : Waiting list is ok, how RAC??
AS : RAC students given seat and education, but no degree.

I : Great! Do you think reservation will affect the quality of students in premier institutions?
AS : No No. Everybody will be as brilliant as me.

I : So that's precisely what I am talking about.
AS : You no realize that this a long term solution for inequality. You wait and see, time will tell.

I : (It's already saying you are stupid!) Don't you think its better to have a equal basis for selection and instead provide those deprived with a proper study environment etc?
AS : No. That not possible since environmentalists oppose change in environment. Menaka Gandhi risky lady. Sonia fire me.

I : (Damn!) Ok, so are you going to extend the reservation concept in other spheres?
AS : Yes, yes. Very much. There will be cricket reservation, football/hockey reservation etc.

I : Ah!! What's the cricket?
AS : 50% of the players in team must belong to SC/ST/OBC

I : A team has 11 players, so how 50%??
AS : Oh, that i din think. Anyway I give spontaneous solution. 5 people from FC, 5 from BCs and one person is child of intercastly married parents.

I : Brilliant! Anything else in cricket?
AS : During powerplay, only 1 FC allowed to stay inside circle, rest all BCs. That way all BCs move front.

I : !! What about football?
AS : It very racist game, needs many changes.

I : Racist game??
AS : Yes. Attacking position called Forward. From now on we have Center OBC, Right Center SC and Left Center ST. There no backward position. Everybody stand near goal for equality.

I : Aiyyo! Anywhere else?
AS : Yes, public toilet also reserved.

I : ???
AS : 50% of toilet for SC/ST/OBC only. All FC while going toilet stand only on one leg. The other position for keeping leg reserved for rear class.

I : I think it is time to end the interview.
AS : No, wait. Escalator reservation policy you no hear?

I : Ok, go on.
AS : Front people not allowed on escalator. Only rear. So rear will go front faster than the front. All my idea.

I : Ofcourse! What is your answer to your crictics who say all this is vote bank politics?
AS : Definitely not. False charges.

I : How say? ... shit .. I mean how do you say that?
AS : In India there is Indian Bank, State Bank, Canara Bank, Reserve Bank, but no bank called vote bank. If they want to prove charges, ask them to show pass book.

I : That's it. Thanks a ton for your time Mr. Arj....
AS : Thanks is reserved word for rear. Front no say that, ok?

I : ...un Singh. Good night!

Huh. Such government policies make it seem a lot better if the parliament is adjourned sine die! Mandaikku maela masurum illa, mandaikulla moolaiyum illa. Orey kushtamappa!

Disclaimer : All names and designations are as usual fictional. Any resemblences to a real life character is purely because of the matching stupidity levels

****

This post is dedicated to this lady, for threatening me to post soon or have my fan status withdrawn on Orkut

Awards, pudhusu kanna pudhusu!

2006-04-01T01:00:00.000+05:30

With elections around the corner, MUMMY is taking full fledged action to please the people, section by section, strategically. Last month, the list of Kalaimamani awardees were announced, which featured everybody including Kalai's uncle, who was given a numerologically modified "Kalai Mama Nee" award. As the next step, relaible sources of pravunplugged confirm that MUMMY would be naming awards after prominent people for their contribution to the country. This exclusive report elaborates on the details.

Henceforth, the best actor would be given the 'Statue of Bulty' award to celebrate the historic nuclear deal which provided all the nuclear fuel that India needed to accomplish tasks which are no more harmful than aani pudungifying. [Pravunplugged comments : Honestly, we don't require nuclear fuel as long we have Aalo Parathas, but it is upto the government to realise.]

The best actress each year would get the 'Urgent Bathroom, Hence I Resign Gandhi' award since it is widely appreciated to name stuff after members of the Gandhi family. [Pravunplugged comments : Matter movie actresses viz. Bollywood heroines and people who hold similar offices of profit must be exempt from the category]

'Arey Haan Ji' award would be given to the best Music Director, who would be selected on the basis of their originality. This highly controversial stipulation rules out the Anu Malik and Deva families for their next seven generations. [Pravunplugged comments : Harris Jeyaraj must be given special consideration for his inclination towards the language of the Australian aboriginal's, who incidentally speak no known language and are infact non-existent in the first place]

Next on line is the 'Karumai Nira Kannan' award which honours the person with the most romantic expression in films which may include the rolling of the tongue and a romantic bite of one's own karugi pona lips, a naughty pinch on the hips, bambaram spinning etc. [Pravunplugged comments : Black Cat secoority must be provided to the affected heroine since the after effects can be deadly]

The best newcomer receives the 'Kokkara Kozhi Raasathi' award, which is a special category applicable to both the male and female gender. The award is to honour Top Star Prashanth, who has acted in 17 films in the last one year alone, fortunately none of which have been released. [Pravunplugged comments : Prashanth must stop acti..err...doing films]

The next award, the 'Sokkai Podaatha Swapna Sundari' award, is to encourage youngsters, who may have may not have talent but possess a lotsa other things which are vital in nature, to come up and show the world what they have got. [Pravunplugged comments: I volunteer myself to be the umpire at the next WTA tour, without salary and other perks]

To instill team spirit into the youngsters, MUMMY is also giving away a special 'Namma Ooru Paanjaali' award, which highlights the values of working together inspite of age barriers, ego clashes, salary issues and two extremely ugly faces. [Pravunplugged comments : Indha kodumai-ku Namitha nadicha matter padamey thevala]

The 'Kolangal Loosu Abi' award is for those people who possess a strong belief that a pinju pona Pondy Bazar handbag always holds enough money to help those in need, in short, it is for the mentally challenged. [Pravunplugged comments : A strong contender for this award is Saritha, who boldy and stupidly, agreed to wear TShirts in June R]

The last, but the most prestigious award is to kindle the scientific brains to come up with answers for baffling questions like - 'TR moonjila mudi molachu irukka, illa TR mudi-ku nadoola moonji molachu irukka' and 'How Simbhu missed the evolutionary process'. It will be known as the 'Karadu Kutti Veerasamy' award. [Pravunplugged comments : No comments!]

Disclaimer : If you really did believe all this crap, well, Happy Birthday!

Shock

2006-03-23T02:00:00.000+05:30

Before somebody asks, NO, I have neither had a sex change operation nor do I plan to have one!

Before the rest ask, NO treats shall be entertained!

Sudhesi : Must Watch

2006-03-21T12:00:00.000+05:30

Finally!! I watched THE man on big screen and fortunately, being really strong hearted, I am living to tell you about it. I found it an amazingly entertaining movie and would recommend it to all you guys and gals out there for two main reasons. One, its super fun. Two, its totally economical - you can buy a ten rupees ticket and still manage to sit in A row, for all you need to do is turn back and understand that you are alone. So lets get to the review of Sudhesi, the film of the year 2006.

Read Review. . .

I watched the film on Saturday with a huge bunch of friends. The theater was jam packed with around 12 people and over 948 seats. The whistles began right away. It was a pleasant shock that the film was produced by Sudhish, an ultimate fan of Captain. I guess he chipped in with this movie before "That Four Letter Word" so that he could possibly invest the huge profits obtained from Sudesi. He told me that he did not sponsor Captain's clothing alone, which is understandable since buying off Aravind Mills is not an easy joke.

The film starts off on a political note : the death of the Chief Minister, which completely puzzled the viewers since Captain hadn shown his face yet. Riots break out everywhere after the new Chief Minister is decided and that is when Captain comes into the picture. Such an awesome intro he gets. A group of rowdies try to kill a poor man during the riot and suddenly the theater erupted as the camera joomed to show us a man wearing a sports soo and running on the road like Gilli Vijay. [Trivia : This road later came to be known as Bannerghatta Road] When the camera joomed out, there was an amazingly youthful Captain in a red tracksuit. He was drop-dead gorgeous : five people dropped dead. Captain came walking towards the rowdies with camera trying to focus his face from beneath his shoes like in Chandramukhi, but unfortunately his stomach stood in between and they ended up focussing something private. This was followed by terrific fight sequences, at the end of which there was so much destruction that all the shop owners felt that it was more economical to allow the riot to continue next time.

Sudhesi is basically a do-gooder. He helps people round the clock. Velai vetti illa-nu vidhyasama solli irukkar director. He solves a mystery involving the death of a young boy and gives a half an hour lecture in the court which impresses the judge so much that he appoints him as a Public Prosecutor in his court. However, Sudhesi's extraordinary language skills played spoilsport since a Bublic Brasecootar made him appear like a Naidu Hall salesman he loses his job. He has statistics about each and every thing in the universe in his finger tips and often lectures people with such intensity that it would make even Ramanujam hate numbers. The only other thing possible was mentioning his vital statistics, which was left out since it hasn't been measured accurately due to inadequate technology.

As always, Captain proves that he is highly romantic. He is constantly nagged by his mora ponnu who, for some reason, finds him to be the hottest person on earth and troubles him to marry her. I did not find any compelling reason why a girl would love Captain, considering the death rate of his heroines, unless ofcourse she'd been paid all the extra money like Isha Kopikar in Narasimha. So, the director had to be really smart and he was. All scenes were shot in the evening coz the heroine had maalai kannu noi.

Karunas has been included for comedy, but he pales in comparison to our MAN. I pity Sudish who ended up spending extra money for a redundant character. There is a scene in which Karunas and Sudhesi travel by bus. They were both supposed to travel on the footboard. However simple equations of physics showed that if that scene was shot, the bus would topple for obvious reasons. So Sudhesi alone got a nice place inside the bus, as a result of which it was completely crowded and Karunas had to hang on for dear life hoping that Captain doesn't sneeze or cough. In certain scenes, the direction was completely flawed - Captain says to Karunas, "Dei nee powder poosina panni maadhiri irukka" - it is always better to rehearse the scenes so that you don't end up saying the other person's dialogues.

Captain's costume in the movie were revolutionary. His wardrobe was provided by M.A. Jacob, the carpet people. The colourful flowers on his shirts are only found in two other places - bedspreads and ooty flower show. It is said Sudhish refused to buy faded jeans and so Captain bought normal 52inch jeans, forced himself into it and made faded designs with chalkpiece. Such wonderful costumes made Sudhesi appear so youthful that it gave us a glimpse of how Captain might have looked during his adolescent ages. He was equally scary then. He infact rides an Enticer with such ease that it looked like he was riding a tricycle. Such was his class. In one scene, the heroine jumps into the bathroom where she thinks Sudhesi is taking bath and with her looks matching that of her man's, the guy inside comes out shouting "Ayyoo Peyiiiii". Thank god Captain was not inside the bathroom, or else the heroine would have come out running. There is a duet song in the movie which has extremely relevant lyrics about Pongal festival. Captain has danced very lightly for this song and thus the heroine was reported to be safe.

Kadhai-la ippo dhaan taRning point. The Chief Minister and his right hand are totally greedy and selfish in this awesomely innovative script. They do lotsa kedi thanams including killing the ex-CM, which the right hand secretly tapes using a micro camera. This video falls on the hands of Sudhesi. After having watched Ramana, the right hand knew that this was highly dangerous since Captain was the only person capable of dragging and dropping new pieces of information into videos using Windows Media Player. The right hand comes looking for the CD and holds Sudhesi's mom a hostage with a knife and a gun simultaneously. But he had already seen Narasimha, he knew that Sudhesi would dodge all the bullets and decided to use a time bomb instead. He locks Sudhesi and his mom inside a room and fixes a time bomb. The bomb explodes. Mom dies. But amidst the flames thalaivar comes out flying. Sudhesi escapes. The bomb had actually thrown Sudhesi out of the house into a safe area. Friendly bomb.

In the second half of the movie, Sudhesi decides to use the CD and blackmail the CM to do good stuff for the people. The CM decides to kill Sudhesi and there is a super fight in a shopping complex with Captain wearing the kalyana band master dress seen in the posters. He freezes after every punch he delivers and the camera jooms to show his eyes in close-up which had as much sex appeal as a garbage truck. Even his coolers refused to stay in its place and flew away, but Captain pulls it back with a romantic stare and a there-is-nothing-like-early-morning-shitting smile.

Sitting on the stairs of a half-constructed building, Sudhesi proposes reforms in the medical field to the CM. This caused unnecessary expenditure for Sudhish, who had to pay compensation for damaging the foundation of the building. So next time onwards they decided to use fax mizeens. Sudhesi, who failed four times in fourth standard, now proposes educational reforms that take the entire state by storm. All this increase the popularity for the CM and he wins the elections easily, while it was the mastermind of Captain in the background!

So the CM calls Sudhesi to a place that is supposedly a factory but has a double cot in the manufacturing section. What sort of a factory would have a bed in such a place? Sudhesi senses that there is something fundamentally wrong and just as he expected the bad guys appear out of the blues. Plenty of wired stunts in this scene with Captain being wired with Amman TRY Murukku Kambis and lifted by cranes. One senseless guy tried hitting Captain with a steel rod, which just bends around Captain's wrist like a watch. What a man. Suddenly one bad guy says, "Dei ivan romba nallavan da, evalo adichaalum chamatha freeze panni nikkaraan" and the fight stops. The CM apologises to Sudhesi and urges him to become the CM. That triggered a half hour Sudhesi sbeech which makes you desperate to take a dip in the evergreen cooum and close your ears with cork. After the speech, the CM commits suicide for making the deadly mistake of holding "talks" with Captain.

Captain is back in form after a really dry period last year. Punch dialogues like, "MGR-kum enakkum orey oru vidhyasam dhaan. Avar kai-aala adipparu, naan kaal-aala adippaen" made us have a hearty laugh in the theater after we made all crooked sentences out of it! (Purinjavanga sirichukkonga pa, inga me no tell that, naan good boy!) The heroine disappears after the first half since Sudheshi did not want to distracted by silly matters. Everybody wondered what happened to her, but I am sure she must have cancelled her dates on the pretext of going on a sight seeing to Dumil Kuppam, after the duet song with Captain.

I thank Sudhish from the bottom of my heart for giving us such a wonderful film, and hereby confer upon him the title, "Sudheeshi".

Disclaimer(s)
1. Sudhish Kamath ! = LK Sudhish, the producer, even though its nicer to assume it that way. Any koshteens about this matter greatly denigrates Suderman's image as a Captain fan and thou shall be taken to court
2. Heroini-ku maalai kan noi-ngarthu poi!
3. Matters mentioned in the review have been assumed to be factual, they may or may not be facts and I may or may not speak the truth!

Yabba...vaera edhavathu miss pannitaena?

Women's Day : The Complete Story

2006-03-08T23:00:00.000+05:30

Today, millions of women across the globe are celebrating their social, political, cultural and economic achiemevents which have aided in their transformation from mere objects of pleasure to really powerful objects of pleasure. So, as always, I am commiting myself to analysing the scenario and spreading awareness about how woman have been smart enough to acquire a day for themselves and are really happy celebrating it, while the still smarter men are extremely pleased to silently watch the group of girls in such celebrations.

Let me warn you before hand that the analysis shatters the myth that women had been suppressed for many years. It's based on the fact that women suffered at the hands of men for decades and inflicted suffering for centuries. So it's basically like Da Vinci Code : totally exciting and completely false.

It all started off long long ago, so long ago that nobody could say how long ago.

Creation of Universe
God was busy creating the universe and he had only 7 days for that task. However God, being God, handled it all like a child's play. "Let there be light", he said and there was light. "Let there be animals", he said and there was the Vijaya TR family. After God received complaints of ear bleeding from their fellow animals, he thought that Vijaya TR must be made to sleep to prevent ecological imbalance. So he said, "Let there be darkness", and consequently there was Dr. Prakash and Sivakasi Jayalakshmi. Finally, the tough part. Humans. After putting a lot of thought, God created man first. He thought to himself : Umm, I can definitely do much better! He tried again and this time created woman. Now he thought : Damn my overconfidence, I swear on God, yeah that's me, that I'd never try again! Thus came two of the most important species on planet earth.

1589 BC
Man and woman did not know the very purpose of their existence in this cruel world, for there were no porno movies then. They were pretty stupid. Woman had however discovered a new weapon - her speech, one that continued to torture man for centuries to come. The fact that the speech consisted mainly of "Grrr", "Tutt tutt" and "Baa Baa Boo" did not make matters by any means soothing. Man could speak too, but he was usally left speechless, understandably so, since they had not discovered as yet that leaves could be used for clothing.

483 BC
The torture was on the rise with the woman's lexicon increasing a rapid pace and man had to find out some way to cope up. "Baa Grrr", he used to curse the guy who, of all things to do in the world, discovered clothes. If that was not enough, he haid to pay 10 pebbles for a plankton leaf skirt and coconut leaf tops for her, while there was just one type of clothing for himself- cactus briefs, which he figured he'd rather stay without.

12 AD
It was in this year that the female domination faded away a little. Man had effectively devised a method to make his female partner finally shut up. Gopale Kissne, a native of France, discovered the solution while administering mouth-to-mouth on a hawt chic and got really excited that the chic choked to death. This was later named after Kissne and came to be known French Kiss. This was, however, not a definitive solution since for figures like Soha Ali Khan, the tip of the nose was 1.4 km from the face and this made the approach difficult. Nonetheless, a revolutionary breakthrough had been made.

638 AD
In accordance with Darwin's theory of evolution, which was non-existant then, women learnt to adapt after 500 odd years of suppression. It took them such a huge span of time to realise that they could cry and use it effectively against the menfolk. So they started crying day in and day out, without glycerine, without provocation, without Ekta Kapoor and Karan Johar. All men hate tears, except Karan Johar ofcourse, and by the same non-existant Darwin's theory they knew that it would take around 500 years for them to adapt. Why the hell did the non-existant theory have to be so slow? That was still a mystery obviously because the theory was still non-existant.

1256 AD
The solution did come, but it was an expensive one. The male gender decisively concluded that to stop the tears women had to be distracted. They had to be involved in something that enchanted them. Something stupid, coz that's what girls fall for. So, men decided to send them off shopping. The possibilities were never ending since every woman was capable of identifying the difference between a Blackish Black and a Very Very Dark Blackish Blacker Black. Men were not allowed to accompany them, since women felt it was sacrilegious that men were incapable of spotting discernible variations between a Blackish Black and a Very Very Dark Blackish Blacker Black, which the men gladly accepted. Woman were thus under control, yet again.

1859 AD
Darwin proposed his theory of natural selection exactly ten years before the birth of Mahatma Gandhi. Not that this adds any significance to our analysis, just that I know these details.

1909 AD
Women finally started realising that shopping had distracted them so much that they did not even know the really obvious fact Mahatma Gandhi was forty years old, Nehru was twenty and most importantly that there was no difference between a Blackish Black and a Very Very Dark Blackish Blacker Black. So they decided to protest, make their presence felt and get back to shopping first thing the next day morning. A National Conference for Women was held to spread awareness and this was attended by 3 women from 5 countries (two of them had dual citizenship), who decided that it din matter if Mahatma Gandhi was forty and went on to discuss why one of them was wearing a Blackish Black earring for a Very Very Dark Blackish Blacker Black dress (some people held their beliefs that these were two distinct colours and that those who believed otherwise were men). The conference made waves all over the world and all women finally decided that it din matter to them if Mahatma Gandhi was forty.

1917 AD
Women in Russia demanded bread, peace, cheese and a diamond ring from the Czar on the last Sunday of February. The Czar decided to hold a meeting with women and settle the issue.

Czar : So, what is it that you people want?
Woman : (After was a quiet discussion with all her mates) Nothing.
Czar : Nothing?
Woman : (After another quiet discussion) Yeah, nothing.
Czar : Then whay are you out here protesting?
Woman : The shops are all closed on Sunday. We heard you were free, so we thought we'd just drop in.
Czar : Do you demand bread, peace, cheese and a diamond ring?
Woman : (After yet another quite discussion) Yes.
Czar : Ok, peace. Granted.
Woman : You are giving us only peace. What about the bread, cheese and diamond ring?
Czar : I mentioned peace as in lets have peace between us.
Woman : We are not going down so cheap. We want the bread, cheese and diamond ring too.
Czar : Ok ok. So you get the bread, cheese and diamond ring. Happy?
Woman : Now, what about the peace, you bastard!

The Czar abdicated. This historic day later came to be celebrated as woman's day; the last Sunday of February.

1925 AD
There cropped up a problem with having the celebration on the last Sunday of February. A teaser ad which did the rounds on lotsa television channels, "Sunday-na rendu" became so popular that the men started to read between the lines. They took it as a Government request to the public and implemented it with full vigour. By the time the Government explained that it was not a sex drive, the TVs had been switched off. So, Sunday was ruled out. The date for the event was decided with an overwhelming majority by the same 3 women from the same 5 countries, two of whom had dual citizenship. It would be March 8th, they said and so it is.

1975 AD
God is believed to have made a secret attempt in this year, breaking his vow that he'd never ever try to create another species. Ravi Krishna was born. "Old age, I need rest...whoever forced me to do this", he said under his breath and disappeared.

2005 AD
With the verdict of the 3 women from 5 countries still under effect, women have made great progress in all spheres, rendering men jobless at times. As a desperate measure to turn the tables, Shahrukh "Queen" Khan stepped into the bathtub with rose petals reassuring the world that men and women are equal.

Women now have an equal footing in the developed sections of the society and are revered all over the world. However, shopping still distracts them so much that they still do not know that if Mahatma Gandhi had been alive today he'd be 137 years old!

Happy Women's Day!!

Disclaimer : The above analysis is false to the best of the profound knowledge of a person who knows Mahatma Gandhi was born in 1869 and most importantly that there is indeed no difference between a Blackish Black and a Very Very Dark Blackish Blacker Black.

Update : On a serious note, the least I could do . . . Please Go here

Finally, the man is back

2006-03-02T16:00:00.000+05:30

Its time to rejoice for millions of Captain fans around the world and even those from the planet Kandravia Galactica, where scientists say they have found traces of the DNA that match Captain's. The man is back with his latest flick, Sudhesi, in which he obviously plays a cop.

The advertisements were flashed in all leading news papers in the country like Dinakaran and Thamizh Murasu announcing that Sudhesi, the most awaited film of the year (amongst wild boars) would hit the screens tommorow. The film must have been out much earlier, but people said that the theater owners were not willing to buy a Captain flick. What crap! Sources close to pravunplugged recently confirmed that the news was entirely false. They say that the actual reason was that the theaters did not have the proper infrastructure to screen his films, the screen was way too small and the projectors were not sturdy enough to run a Captain film, they collapsed in 3 micro seconds.

Sudhesi is rumoured to be a remake of Swadesh, with slight changes to suit Captain's image. Shahrukh played the role of a NASA scientist who returns back to his motherland after being fascinated by it. When the movie was proposed to be made with Captain in the lead, NASA threatened to soo (sue) the producer for denigrating its image. So Captain decided to play an Indian cop (the kalyana band-master dress which he is wearing in the poster is him in mufti) who returns to his hometown, Vandalur, which he finds to be infested by terrorists and vows o get rid of them. It is the first bi-lingual Captain film. The film is simultaneously being release in Telugu under the name 'Paradesi'. When asked how Captain managed to speak Telugu, the director says, "Tamil mattum ozhunga pesidaraara? Adhey maadhiri dhaan Telugu-um pesinaar".

Mother nature spat her rage all over the globe last year since she was in a really depressed mood and there was unfortunately no Captain flick to cheer her up. Terrorists started showing their ugly head in many parts too. All that will not happen this year, for our Captain is back! Yayy!! One person, however, who is in grave danger is the heroine of Sudhesi. After learning about Pratyuksha and Soundarya, the actress has asked for police protection.

It's been my long time aim to watch a Captain flick first day. Seriosuly, does anybody have tickets??? Please help me!! I badly need them

Update : I have uploaded another pic of Captain from today's papers. The page may thus load a lot slower owing to the 1.3GB size of a Captain pic. Sorry for the distarpance

Thanks a ton people!!

2006-02-28T15:00:00.000+05:30

Fourteen months. Hundred and twelve posts. One lakh hits. Yaayy!!

Thanks a million to all those people who've visited this space, including the guy who came her looking for "Nayanthara wet saree pics" and vowed never to come back again after he learnt from my blog that Nayan was too big to be covered in a saree; and the mami who landed her searching for guidelines to make a "Kambi Padam" for her pori urundai!

Every new blogger on the block has just two things in his mind. One, to increase the blog traffic. Two, to increase the number of comments that he gets. If you disagree, then you'd probably record 8.2 Richter in a polygraph test. The easiest way to get both done, is being a hot girl or atleast pretend to be one. I used to be spellbound by their capacity to stir up 179 comments for a "I am having loose motion" blog, that includes 150 'take cares' and 29 odd suggestions to try Andial tablet, M-seal, cork etc. Narayana, indha alanjaanunga thollai thaanga mudila da. Orey kushtamappa. Since I was neither smart enough to know this strategy earlier, nor was I rich enough for a sex change operation, I was terribly stuck up with a useless blog.

It was Google which helped me increase traffic in a strategic manner by directing people searching for "Dikkilona", "Under skirt pics", "White wet saree pics" to this blog. Though such referrers made me feel as if I was the owner of Desibaba, I was extremely happy, desibaba is a popular site nonetheless. There were people who wanted to see Trisha and Kushboo taking bath and came her with great hope. Sorry to disappoint you guys. If at all you succeed in your quest, please forward them to pravunplugged@gmail.com. Am equally keen.

The spammers deserve a mention too for earnestly offering me best deals to buy anything from golf clubs to viagra pills and simultaneously making the number of comments look more impressive. I have no idea why they thought I'd be interested in playing a game as stupid as golf. It's got the fundamentals absolutely wrong. You are supposed to put the ball in the hole asap. No wonder its dumb.

I get few mails as well, from those who are not upset with my blog, for they did not come her looking for 'Mallika Sherawat Topless'. My favourite, is a mail from a Captain fan requesting me to send nice pics of Captain Vijaykant. Whatever made him think that 'nice' pics of Captain were a possibility. I din want to disappoint him anways and so I tried to upload some pics to the Google server and send it to him. Understandably, the server crashed.

Special thanks to all those who've linked me on your space despite me being a guy. Ungalukku ellam periya manasu. Neenga ellam 16 pethu big life vaazhuveenga

I realise I've been highly dormant in the past couple of months and you guys have been visiting despite that. Adhukkum thanks!!

I've said so many thanks in this post. So let me follow the protocol and mention that Mother Teresa is my role model and I'll strive for world peace!

Thank you and keep visiting!!!

The Bird Flu Bible

2006-02-23T12:00:00.000+05:30

The detection of bird flu in India has caused great panic in many parts of the country, especially among those organisms which are apparently not birds, viz. humans. However, the birds, being the second most dim-witted creatures after George W Bush, bite the dust even before they realise that they need to panic. Thus, as an owner of a socially conscious blog, I have decided to write in detail about bird flu, so that fellow humans stop panicking and the birds realise that it's high time they start panicking.

Avian Influenza, which is better known as 'Bird Flu' among humans and simply as a 'Darned F*cking Cold' among the birds, is caused by a H5N1 Influenza virus. These sets of influenza viruses are incidentally part of an elite group of viruses that have names as dumb as those for U.S. visas. They are generally contained in the intestines of wild migratory birds, which use them as a lethal weapon when a domestic bird refuses to comply to the wild bird's demands of a one night stand. The wild birds live up to their name and go wild over the fact that they had travelled half the bloody globe just to be shown the middle claw by these desi birds. Hence, they pass on the H5N1 virus to the domestic birds which catch a really bad cold and sneeze so hard that the neighbouring domestic bird threatens it to either leave the farm or watch Aadi and Sivakasi back to back. As I said, being the second most dim-witted species on earth, they choose the latter and inevitably die.

The first case of bird flu was reported in China a year ago. It slowly spread to other species in China including snakes, squids, sea-horses, octopuses, crabs, monkeys, caterpillars, centipedes, millipedes, cockroaches etc etc, as a result of which one quarter of the Chineese population died of starvation. The Chineese birds were understandably the dumbest in their species since most of them were bound by the Imperial Decree, which explains why it all started there. (Trivia : The only non-Chineese to be bound by the Imperial Decree is George W Bush) From China, the disease spread to Thailand, Malaysia, Russia and other neighbouring nations except India where the migratory birds dare not set their claws since they heard Salman Khan was on a killing spree (one half of the casualties were shot dead by Salman himself and the other half died of disgust, watching the man topless for the 1754th time in two years). As soon as he was thrown into jail, the deer population threw a party with chants of 'Get a life, and a shirt, Salman!'. Tons of birds and animals, including Deve Gowda, attended the feast. It was during this time that a drunk wild bird approached to a desi chick for some fun, for which the desi bird said, "Saale, mein mar hee tho jaaon, par thumhare saath matter nahi karoonga" (Meaning : I'd rather watch a Karan Johar film instead of sleeping with you). Thus began the outbreak of bird flu in India.

Bird flu spreads at a rapid rate from one bird to another and is thus as fatal as watching a close-up shot of S.J. Suryah at midnight. The fatality rate for the former is however a meagre 90% in comparison to 100% for the latter. The virus spreads through the mucus and droppings of the infected bird and it is thus highly advised that these domestic birds form a Panchayat headed by a Naatamai and cage-a vittu othukki vechufy the infected birds or risk death. If the infected bird fails to comply, the Dubai technique of throwing stones is recommended. This process is widely known as 'cull-ing'. The humans, however, don't need to worry as long as they are not inquisitive enough to analyse bird droppings and mucus, or Japaneese enough to bite raw chicken.

The symptoms of bird flu are fever, cold and a severe running nose. If you become really really weak and end up saying, "What the bloody hell is wrong with me?!", it's time to see a doctor at the earliest. The doctor might advise you to take ECG, EEG, urine test, stool test, X-Ray of your right leg and a scan of your brain and analyse it greatly, by which time you might be dead. If you die, then the doctor confirms that you had an acute case of bird flu, or else it was just a bloody cold for which you had spent 25K like a nutter.

The Government is taking all necessary steps to contain the outbreak. As a first step, Salman has been released on bail. The deer population immediately announced a 'Fast until Death' protest in a remote forest area which was so remote that the Government din get to hear it. So they decided that it was better to return to their habitat and start grazing instead of trying to reach the ears of the Government past Manmohanji's turban-ed ears. Next, the authorities are culling the poultry in a 10km radius from the outbreak with special attention to those who attended the "Get a life, and a shirt, Salman!" party. The Parliament has banned chicken, turkey, duck and Laloo from the entering the Parliament. The Border Security Force has recommended huge cut-outs of Laloo to be placed along the Indian border in an attempt to scare away the even the wildest of birds. The RSS is pressurizing the Government to cancel all permissions given to latenight parties saying that it was the anti-cultural activities that caused the disease. They also hailed the chicken which said, "Saale, mein mar hee tho jaaon, par thumhare saath matter nahi karoonga" since it displayed a great deal of respect for our cultural values.

Down here in Tamil Nadu, all hospitals are on a high alert. The Chief Minister has also ordered that actor Ajith Kumar be quarantined because of his suspicious looks. There was little confusion over whether S.J.Suryah was affected, but that was clear after the actor showed his childhood photos and proved that he'd looked the same right from childhood.

So spread word guys. Please don't pan. . . *achoooo* *sniff*. . .ic.

Was with this really hawt chic named Asin yesterday. I doubt if hawt chics can cause bird flu as well. Why else would I be sneezing? :-)

Disclaimer : All names used are fictitious. Any resemblences to anybody living or dead are fictitious as well

Maramando : Part 2

2006-02-08T13:00:00.000+05:30

Read Part 1 Here

After having succesfully gilled one bad guy, Gabtun has to go home soon and decides to gatch an aaddo. He however had no idea that his jetty tag had been left at the grime zeen. Ordinary-a aaddo budicha Gabtun fans kova baduvaanga-nu, avungala blease banna Gabtun bulti adichu, kaathula baranthu boi oru running auto munnadi land aagi foo-nu oodhararu. Driver loses gondrol and stops the aaddo.

Continue reading Maramando . . .

Driver : Dei, auto vaenumna kai kaamchu nirutha maattiya?
Gabtun : En vazhi, thani vazhi!
Driver : Appo nadanthey po!!
Gabtun : Aaddo varuma varaatha?
Driver : Varaathu.
Gabtun : Enga enna baathu sollu, en ganna baathu sollu.
Driver : Indha iruttula nee theriyarthey periya matter, idhula specific-a un kannu ellam paaka mudiyaathu!
Gabtun : Meter-ku maela nooru roobai tharaen.
Driver : Nee okkantha auto-ve nasungidum, idhula nee kodukkara 100 roobai vechu naan enna Marutius-ku poi matter-a panna mudiyum?
Gabtun : 1000 roobai tharaen, varuviya?
Driver : Dei, enna da night time highways-la gujili-a koopdara maadhiri koopadra? Irundhaalum nee ivalo kenji kaekkarthaala naan varaen. Enga poganum?
Gabtun : Indha boto baar.
Driver : Idhula enna?
Gabtun : Nalla baar.
Driver : 1st Cross, Beasant Nagar-nu ezhuthi irukku. Adhukku enna?
Gabtun : Anga dhaan boganum.
Driver : Ada naathaari naaye, adha neeyae padichu sollarthukku enna? Indha yezhavukku oru colour photo veraya?
Gabtun : Enaggu Sort Tarm Memary Lass ba.
Driver : Oho. Adhu enna Beasant Nagar 1st cross, 2nd cross-nu?
Gabtun : Beasant Nagar-la motham 278 gross irukku, adhula mudhalavathu gross-a first gross-nu, rendavathu gross-a second gross-nu.....< Driver : No, no, never! Paavi, Short Term Memory Loss-la idhellam marakka maattiya da nee? Seri okkanthu thulai!

Gabtun reaches his house showing three other photos to the driver each of which contained one line of address including pin code. Driver-ku semma kaduppu. Enga vaai koduthu maatinduduvomo-nu bayathula he kept quiet. Gabtun meets the watchman in his abartment.

Gabtun : Neenga...?
Watchman : Abdul Kalam-oda right hand.
Gabtun : Enna??
Watchman : Pinna...light blue shirt and dark blue pant poattu, kai-la lathi and whistle-oda suththara naan enna US Ambassador-ava iruppaen? Watchman dhaan.
Gabtun : India-la motham...
Watchman : Neenga edhuvum pesa venaam. Unga veedu 2nd floor-la rendavathu veedu. Edhavathu help vaenumna enna please kooptudaatheenga. Pona vaaram dhaan kaathu operation pannirukaen. Unga kitta pesina uyirukku aabathu-nu doctor solli irukkar.

*Scene cut. Riyaz Khan is investigating about the jetty tag in Tirupur*

Riyaz : Inga Sudarmani-ngarthu?
Manager : Naan use pannara brand dhaan sir sollunga.
Riyaz : Adhu enga manufacture panreenga?
Manager : Sudarmani jetty-a Disney Land-laya manufacture pannuvaanga. Inga dhaan factory-la.
Riyaz : Unga factory-a naan suthi paakalama?
Manager : Sorry sir, adhukku warrant vaenum. Jetty-la naanga latest designs poattuttu irukkom, trade secret, veliya theriya koodathu.
Riyaz : Jetty-ey veliya theriyaathey! Perusa super-man-ku jetty thayarikkara maadhiri peethikkareenga?!
Manager : Irundhaalum adhu enga mudhalaali-oda order sir. Jetty-a kaatta mudiyaathu.
Riyaz : Appo atleast enakku unga customers pathi info kedaikuma?
Manager : Yes.
Riyaz : Neenga all sizes jetty produce pannareengala?
Manager : Ofcourse. Thevai patta tailor vechu thechu tharuvom!
Riyaz : 180cm-ku yaaravathu jetty vaangi irukaangala unga kitta?
Manager : One second sir, en database-a paathu sollaraen.
Riyaz : Oru naatham pudicha jetty-a thaeda oracle database-a? Idhellam too much-a illa?
Manager : Rendu paerukku dhaan sir thechirukkom.
Riyaz : Avunga paer and address vaenum.
Manager : First. Ganesa, Temple Elephant, Guruvayoor, Kerala.
Riyaz : Innonnu??
Manager : Vijay Munusamy, 1st Cross, Beasant Nagar, Chennai, TamilNadu.
Riyaz : Perfect! Avar photo irukkuma?
Manager : Inga dhaan sir irundhuchu, but ippo illa. Dhrishti pooshanikkai-la print panna bayangara demand irundhuchu. So avungalukku vithuttom. Oru oru pooshinikkai-kum engalukku royalty kidaikkum.
Riyaz : Oh. Ungalukku andha moonji gnabagam irukka?
Manager : No, daily kanavula vandhu bayamauruthuthu-nu maranthuttaen!
Riyaz : But 180cm jetty-na adhu kandippa measure panni dhaan thechirupeenga, right?
Manager : Yes sir.
Riyaz : Appo andha tailor-a naan paaka mudiyuma?
Manager : Sure.
Riyaz : Konjam urgent.
Manager : Bathroom pakkathula dhaan irukku. Don worry, naanga cam ellam edhuvum fit pannala. Dheiriyama poitu vaanga.
Riyaz : Aiyyo, naan tailor-a seekiram paarkanum sonnaen sir.

*Manager informs over phone to bring the tailor. After 5 mins one man comes inside the room*

Tailor : May I come in sir?
Manager : Idhellam veliya ninnu kaekka vaendiya kelvi! Anyways ivar un kitta edho kelvi kaekkanumaam.
Riyaz : Vijay Munusamy-ku jetty thechathu neenga dhaana?
Tailor : Yes sir.
Riyaz : Avar face ungalukku gnabagam irukka?
Tailor : Yes sir. Urundai-a theenju pona paanai maadhiri moonji. Kunnakudi neththi pottu maadhiri red-a kannu. South Indian Amul Baby. Enna colour mattum konjam butter-la kari-a kalantha maadhiri irukkum.
Riyaz : Eppadi ivalo proper-a gnabagam vechirukeenga?
Tailor : Rendu inch tape idhu varaikkum vaera yaarukkum use pannathey illa.>
Riyaz : (shows the tag to the taior) Idhu avarthu dhaana?
Tailor : Kandippa sir. Idhula 180cm, Sudarmani-nu ezhuthinathu naan dhaan!
Riyaz : Thanks a lot! Indha case mattum naan solve pannina, ungalukku commisioner kitta solli puthu jetty vaangi tharaen. Bye!

*Riyaz Khan now starts towards Gabtun's house. Scene cut*

*Gabtun has now reached his house and looks into his room. Sevuru ellam kirukki irukku, oru map maadhiri...to "find im and gill im"..Desk full-a naraya snaps...velakkari photo, thoattakaari photo, paalkaari photo appadinu Gabtun-ku yega patta figure contacts. Gabtun adhellam uththu paarthu konja neram sight adikkaraaru, giving romantic looks and biting his theenju pona lips. Appuram Gabtun udambula kuththi irukkara pachai ellam padichu, adhula irukkara instructions follow banna try bannaraar. But avar skin colour-ku kuththina pachai oru yezhavum kannukku therila. So udambula torch light adichu onnu onna padikkaraaru. Gabtun thodai-la oru message "Save Here" appadinu. So Gabtun starts saving there, and adha sutheevara save panna oru 3 hrs aaguthu. Riyaz Khan meanwhile slowly enters the room and he sees Gabtun shaving the thodai. Gabtun-a paarthu bayanthu poi, orama he sits telling Sashti Kavasam and waiting for Gabtun to be done with it. Methuva Gabtun pakkama poi oru kattai-aala Gabtun mandai-la adikkaraaru. Kattai thool thool-a odanju poiduthu. Gabtun turns back and stares at Riyaz. Riyaz bayathula mayakkam boattu fallings*

*After sometime, Riyaz slowly opens his eyes and finds himself tied in a chair. Gabtun is sitting in front of him with a diary*

Riyaz : Enna pannara?
Gabtun : Naan en gathai solla boraen un kitta. Flasbak.
Riyaz : Adhukku edhukku enna katti vechirukka?
Gabtun : En kooda yaarum besave maataengraanga. Bayanthu odaraanga. Adhaan unna gatti vechiruggaen.
Riyaz : Karichettikku black paint adicha maadhiri oru moonji vechukittu irundha ellarum odaama enna pannuvaanga?
Gabtun : Enakkku enna guraichal?
Riyaz : Ellam jaasthi-a irukku, adhaan kurai!
Gabtun : Naan udambu kuraikka Exorcise bannaen. Aana use illa.
Riyaz : Udambu kuraikka pei verattiniya??
Gabtun : Chi chi. Udarpayirchi. Exorcise.
Riyaz : English varala-na vittu thulaiyaen! Adhu exercise!
Gabtun : Ogo. Seri ippo gathai gaelu nee.
Riyaz : Dei nee dhaan irutta irukka, atleast veetla light-aavathu poattu vidu da, bayama irukku!
Gabtun : Su. Besaama gathai gaelu.

*Gabtun opens the diary*

To be continued...

PS 1 : Public Service ads running-naala no ticket charges this time. Besides this is the second version of Part 2 I've written. Touch vittu poachu! So, free show

PS 2 : I shall be more regular henceforth, provided no more sodhanais come my way. Padu mattamaana 2006! Aappu maela aapu vechings!

Death

2006-01-22T20:20:00.000+05:30

My wish to post something serious this year has come true in the most cruel possible form. It caused me great pain to digest the news that my junior in college, Krithika, died in a train accident. Too saturated with grief to even shed tears.

She is one person I'd be grateful to all my life. One of the very few saintly souls that I happened to know in my life. A person who regarded me as her elder brother and made me feel important on numerous occasions. She has left a lasting impression despite me knowing her for a really short period in my life. Such feelings wouldn change no matter what. I just wish I had the chance to know her longer.

It's the second time in my life I am going through this phase of losing a real gem. Such people just don't deserve to die so young in their life.

May her soul rest in peace. I pray to god to give strength to her family members to face the loss of their only child.

***

2006 has been really hard for me. First, the CAT fiasco that made me lose interest in everything. After having finally put that behind me, I am faced with this loss. I know this would pass too, but at the moment I really dunno when. 2 days or 2 weeks, I don't know. Bye for now. See you guys soon.

Myth : Marana Mokkai

2006-01-19T10:00:00.000+05:30

I strongly recommend the latest Jackie Chan flick Myth to all you guys. I do not wish to be the only person who spent sixty bucks on a movie whose script was written on toilet paper. So, before you read the review, swear on god that you'd watch it and spread word so that 'we' don't feel left out!

Read Review . . .

Jackie Chan films, with their blend of action and comedy, are usually a good timepass. This, coupled with the thought of Mallika Sharawat in clothing that would easily pass as a shoe lace, was compelling enough for a group of guys to watch the movie. But the moment we saw Jackie Chan on screen, dressed in a warrior costume that even Ramarajan would think twice before touching, we knew Mallika and her shoe lace were going to be the saving grace of the film.

Jackie Chan plays the role of an archeologist who has weird dreams of rescuing a Chineese princess. I am not sure what his name in the film was, but after having watched loads of his movies I can make a sensible guess that it was Jack or Lee or Ch_n, where _ represents a vowel. For the sake of my typing comfort I'll assume it was Lee. As I was saying, Lee rescues the princess with his heroic efforts in his dreamworld. There is a great scene in which Lee ties a falling carriage to his waist with a rope and tries to pull it back to save the princess. The princess could have just stepped down from the carriage, but she doesn not, since she is bound by the Imperial Decree. By the Imperial Decree, a Chineese princess must not get out of her carriage. By the Imperial Decree, she must not touch a General. By the Imperial Decree, she is dumb.

Lee is extremely disturbed by these dreams. Understandably so, coz they get to live in a dark cave and nothing fruitful has happened yet. So, he puts in extra hours of sleep and tries his best, but no use as yet. Probably the perfectly dumb Chineese princess doesn't know 'how to', he thinks, and tries sleeping again. No use. The princess was indeed perfect.

Now Lee is approached by his friend who was doing some research in levitation and he wanted some help on it. But Lee wouldn't budge. He just wants to sleep and keep trying. The friend manages to lure Lee into it with sentimental stuff that's characteristic of Tamil cinema. He lies face down on a golf course with the golf ball on his rear and says to Lee, "I will trust you with my life, please come". Lee is terribly touched by this statement and takes his shot. The screen blacks out. "Lee, am glad I did not lie face up", says the friend. So Lee and his friend go to India for their research where they see this temple in which a Sadhu floats in the air. The friend does something stupid in the temple (no, he's not a Chineese princess), digs out some weird stone and the Sadhu gets a free trip to heaven. The friend escapes in a helicopter while Lee jumps into the water.

Mallika and her elephant, Lakshmi, rescue Lee from the water. "Look Lakshmi, a body", screamed Mallika. I did not care to look at Lee's body (I am not a Chineese princess). So I don't know how exactly he was rescued, but he was. "Good boy Lakshmi", said Mallika patting the elephant. I knew deep inside how stupid the director was to refer to Lakshmi as a boy. But with Mallika in a wet saree, I wouldn complain even if Lakshmi ate Butter Naan and Paneer Butter Masala.

Lee's dream was not succesful as yet. He wakes up to find Mallika dancing in some skimpy white clothing and decides the dumb Chineese princess can wait. Mallika takes Lee to a sottai mandayan whose words are just not as plain as his head. Lee and Mallika suddenly spot two policemen and utilise the opportunity to run away from the sottai mandayan. There is a small fight sequence in which Mallika breaks the myth (padam paeru mention panniyaachu, ellam kai thattunga!) that she wears undergarments. The censor board official probably sneezed at the right moment and missed what I saw, but am glad he sneezed. Lee then takes this circular boat that is used in paasathukkuriya Bharatiraja films and travels all the way to China.

The dreams continue but the sequence then shifts to a battlefield in which the soldiers wore costumes that were used in Paalayathu Amman veppalai dance. I don't know what the battle was for, but they ought to have realised that they were probably using stuff which Mallika was supposed to wear. Lee dies at the end of the battle. An anticlimax.

Lee decides to find the princess and goes searching along with his friend. They reach a cave finally. Lee loathed being there, for he remembered his dream in which a dumb princess had outsmarted him. A bit further, they see a masouleum and a huge army of dead soldiers lined up in rows, levitated by the meteorite stone. A dead army? I realised now that there was no point blaming the princess. It was genetic.

Lee wants to take the princess back home. She had afterall told him that she'd wait for him all her life. But she refuses to come. So, Lee decides to make his move right away and starts stripping. This was expected. Just as Vijaya T.R compulsarily has a sister in all his movies, Jackie Chan includes two standard scenes in his movies - One, his underwear has a smiley or a teddy bear placed at a strategic position. Two, darshan of his rear. Thumbprint is common, but bumprint is used only by Jackie Chan. Chineese people have infact seen it so many times that they are capable of identifying Jackie Chan just by looking at it. So, as I was saying, Lee strips. His friend nondifies a meteorite yet again and everything that was up, now begins to fall! Lee curses him and is forced to run for his life. The cave collapses and the audience applaud in joy that the film is finally over.

Jackie Chan, who is known for his bravery, proves it yet again by investing millions of dollars in this film. He has fought really well in the film, but the audience fought a greater fight trying to remain seated.

Ippadi oru mattamaana padatha idhu varaikkum yaarum eduthathu illai, inimaelum yaaralum edukka mudiyaathu! Indha maadhiri mokkai padatha vechundu enga thalaivar Captain-oda Perarasu release panna theater illaya?? Thookungada indha padatha!

PS : Maramando Part II next post-la puttings :)

Maramando : Part 1

2006-01-12T01:00:00.000+05:30

Buratchi Kalaignar Gabtun

and

'Kutti yaanai' 9thara

in

Maramando
. . . the unbreakable head

Continue Reading Part 1

Joom sot into Vaaniyambadi Dr. Babar Kausar's Chittukuruvi Legyam Research Institute. Background ellam oru effect-kaaga blue-a irukkum, adhukkaga idha blue film edukkara edam-nu nenachudatheenga. Sutheevara orey test tubes and beakers. Adhaavathu ippadi ellam vecha oru oru research centre-aam. Nadoola namma doctor final year students-ku lecture kodukkaraaru . . .

Doctor : Brain is the most important part of the human body. Udambin mukkiyamaana paguthi moolai. It controls our sense. Namma unarchigal ellam moolai dhaan kattupaduthum.
Gumitha : Sir, neenga yaen Balachander padathula vara maadhiri English dialogue-a tamil-la translate pannitae irukeenga?
Doctor : Konjam moodittu irukkaya nee? 1 hr lecture kodunga-nu Principal sollitaaru, andha alavukku vishayam theriya vaendaama enakku?!
Gumitha : Sorry sir.
Doctor : So, as I was saying, the brain of an average man weighs about 2 kgs. Saraasari manidha moolai-in edai 2 kgs.
Gumitha : Sir idhu Chanakya pada trailer laenthu dhaaney copy adicheenga?
Doctor : Oh, neeyum andha trailer-a paathutaya?
Gumitha : Ada, adhula naan vaai-la veral-a vechundu dancey aadi irukkaen sir!
Doctor : Karmam nee dhaana adhu? Padikkartha thavira ellam pannu!
Gumitha : Next enna 95% of the human brain is filled with oxygen-a?
Doctor : Inga naan doctor-a illa nee doctor-a!
Gumitha : Oh neenga doctor-a? Sollave illa!
*bell rings*
Doctor : Nallavae-la bella adichuduchu. After class hours enna question ellam kaettu disturb pannarthu enakku pidikkathu. Naan en room-ku poraen, thank you!

*scene cut to library*

Friend : Namma final year project pannanum-la?
Gumitha : Aamam andha yezhavu vaera irukku.
Friend 2 : Inimae daily kaarthala 6-ku ezhunthu lets work on it di.
Gumitha : Kaalankaarthala ezhunthu panna adhu enna margazhi maasa bajanai-a?
Friend 2 : Unakku ippadi dhaan seriousness-ey kedayathu. Udambu vecha aandavan unakku moolai-a vekkala!
Gumitha : Adangu nee. Seri endha topic-la pannalam?
Friend : Marma saamiyaarin inba leelaigal topic-la pannalama? Adhu namma instituion-oda chittu kuruvi legyam research-ku romba useful-a irukkum.
Gumitha : Idhu Pilot theater-la release aara padam title maadhiri irukku!
Friend : Appo neeyae idea kodu.
Gumitha : Edhavathu oru famous personality-oda moolai-a aaraichu pannuvoma?
Friend 2 : Like?
Gumitha : George Bush?
Friend : Adhu romba kashtam.
Gumitha : Yaen?
Friend : First avar moolai-a kandu pudikka oru visaaranai commision vekkanum. Adhu kandu pudichu appuram project pannarthukkulla Deve Gowda mandailaye mudi molachidum.
Gumitha : Ayyoda. Ippo enna paannarthu?
Friend : Hey indha case file paaru... Vijay Munusamy. Interesting-a irukku.

Friend 2 : Ayyo paavam. Accident case nenaikkaraen. Face paaru evalo mosama damage aagi irukku.
Gumitha : Chi, adhu avar original photo di!
Friend : Hey, va ippove doctor kitta poi permission vaangidalam.

*scene cut to staff room. only gumitha goes in, others wait outside*

Gumitha : Naanga final year project panna porom.
Doctor : Nee konjam gundu dhaan. Adhukkaga unnaye plural-la refer pannika vaendaam ma, its ok.
Gumitha : (turns around and sees none of her friends around) Aiyyo ulla vaanga di, en maanam poguthu.
Doctor : Evalo paer pannareenga?
Gumitha : 11 paer sir.
Doctor : Ithu enna cricket team-a? Oru team-la 3 paer dhaan ma.
Gumitha : Illa sir, gumbal-a panna konjam jolly-a irukkum.
Doctor : Gumbal-a edukka idhu enna kaavadi-a? Project ma.
Gumitha : Seri sir. Naanga indha Vijay Munusamy case-la dhaan project panna porom sir.
Doctor : (shocked) NO. Pona varushama ippadi dhaan avara naer-la interview edukkaraen paervazhi-nu ponaan oruthan. On the spot ear-laenthu bleed aagi seththu poitaan.
Gumitha : Ear bleeding-a?
Doctor : Aamam. Avar pathi unakku theriyaathu. Avar oru aeroplane maadhiri.
Gumitha : Appadina?
Doctor : Speech start pannarchae kaathula panju vecha, adhu niruthara varaikkum edukka koodathu.
Gumitha : Edutha?
Doctor : Adhey panja mookula vechukka vaendiyathu dhaan!
Gumitha : Please sir. Romba interesting-a irukku sir.
Doctor : No, indha project-ku ungalukku permission kodukka maaten.
Gumitha : Seri sir, indha project dhaan illa. Atleast avar-oda problems ellam sollunga sir therinjukkarom.
Doctor : Avarukku aayiram prechanai irukkum. Adhellam en kitta vandhu solla naan enna Aunt Agony column-a nadatharaen!
Gumitha : Aiyo illa sir. Avaroda medical condition pathi sollunga.
Doctor : Oh adhuva. He is suffering from Short Term Memory Loss.
Gumitha : Gnabaga marathi-nu sollungalaen!
Doctor : Chi moodhevi. Idhu oru vyaadhi. 15 mins dhaan edhuva irundhalum gnabagam irukkum.
Gumitha : Enna kodumai sir idhu?
Doctor : Avar thalai-la yaaro balama irumbu rod-aala adichutaanga.
Gumitha : Appuram?
Doctor : Adhukku adutha naal Army leave vuttu ellarukkum chocolate ellam koduthaanga.
Gumitha : Oh avalo periya manushana avar... Seri, adhu enna sir vyaadhi Dang Dwist?
Doctor : Adhu for example, nee "toilet poitu varaen" appadinu en kitta eppadi solluva?
Gumitha : Naan toilet porathu yaen sir unga kitta sollanum! Enakku ennavo doubt-aave irukku. Doctor, unga nick name Prakash illaye?
Doctor : Aiyyo, oru example-ku sonnaen, sollu, eppadi solluva.
Gumitha : Toilet poitu varaen sir, appadinu solluvaen.
Doctor : Adhu avarala mudiyaathu. "Doilet Boitu Varaen Zir" abbadi...chi...appadinu dhaan solluvar avar.
Gumitha : Oh avarukku P seriya varaatha?
Doctor : Ennama asingama pesara!
Gumitha : Iyyo, alphabet sir.
Doctor : Oh, adhuva. Aaamam. Avarukku tongue konjam ullukkula sozhatti sozhatti indha vyaadhi vandhiduchu. Adhaan paeru Dang Dwist.
Gumitha : Ippo avar enga sir irukkaru?

*scene cut*

Oru door breakings and adhulaenthu dhoosi ellam kalambi one person fallings. Gabtun face-a joom panni kaattarom.
Bad Guy : Naan appove sonnaen-la?
Vijay : Ennathu?
Bad Guy : Door maela saayaatha, thaangaathu-nu sonnaeney, kaettaya?
Vijay : India-la moththam 4 kodi gathavu irukku. Adhula paint adicha gatahavin ennaikkai 3 kodi. Varnish bannatha gathavin ennikkai 1 kodi. Indha gathava dhaappa boattu matter bannavanga 1 kodiye 2 latchathi 17 aayiram baer. Dhaappa bodaama matter bannavanga 2 kodiye 4 latcham baer. Matter bannartha etti baarthathu naan oruthan dhaan da! Arricane-a irundhaalum seri, buyal-a irundhaalum seri, indha Vijay baer-a kaetta dhirumbi gadalukkae boidum!
Bad Guy dies on the spot.
Vijay : Dei, naan innum dialogue solli mudikkala, elunthuru da!

Vijay oru paper cutting vechu seththu ponavan face-um andha paper-la irukkara face-um match aagutha appadinu nalla checkings. Appuram adha photo eduthuttu he writes "Saapter Glose" and walks off as if nothing happened.

Police (Riyaz Khan) come to the scene and investigate. The villain (Lakshman) also comes with all his adiyaal to survey the scene. Riyaz benda down and checks everywhere and with one kuchi he nondifies one small bit of evidence.

Riyaz : Indha oru evidence pothum, avana seekiram pudichuduvaen!
Lakshman : Appadi enna evidence?
Riyaz : Idhu paarunga... (he shows a small tag with the number 180 written on it)
Lakshman : Ennathu idhu? Token-a?
Riyaz : Illa, pin pakkam paarunga Sudarmani appadinu ezhuthi irukku. So idhu kolaikaaran-oda jetty size-a dhaan irukkanum!
Lakshman : 180 cms-a? Appadi!
Riyaz : Correct, adhaan main clue. Normal-a kadai-la 105 cms size varaikkum dhaan jetty vipaanga. 180 cms-na kolaigaaran naera Tiruppur factory-la dhaan order panni irukkanum!
Lakshman : Brilliant inspector!
Riyaz : Jetty-la enna brilliant vaendi kedakku? Avan en kitta vasamaa maatikittan! Poraen, innikkae Tiruppur poi complete-a visaarikkaraen!

To be continued . . .

P.S. : Ticket rates one Google amukks ellarum pichai podunga

Looking back at 2005

2006-01-06T11:00:00.000+05:30

2005 remains a truly forgettable year plainly because of the number of disasters that caused great damage to life and property. Minus that, and you are left with a huge bunch of funny events.

Nature
2005 saw the wrath of mother nature. After tripping over and causing a tsunami with her dance in the sets of Ghajini, Nayanthara was fortunately bedridden. However, South Asia experienced numerous aftershocks in the beginning of the year. The Central Beero of Investigation probed into the issue and brought the situation under control by ordering the Telugu dance masters to refine their dance steps immediately. Another major quake rocked Bakistan after Gabtun sky dived into the gamps of the deeviravaadhis and fell on his butt. The death toll was close to 30K, but Captain escaped unhurt.

Meanwhile, several hurricanes battered the US of A and the people were clueless about how to face them in future. Condoleeza Wheat suggested the screening of Shakthiman everyday at prime time to scare away the hurricanes. The idea clicked. After watching one episode, the people of Florida moved out faster than the hurricane and Wilma refused to go past Mexico. Wheat said, "We are considering changing our national emblem from Bald Eagle to Bold Shaktiman."

Floods in Chennai are usually as common as hot babes in the IITs. However, incessant rains this year flooded Chennai, Bangalore and Mumbai. Aerial surveys were conducted by all party leaders who had not been on a helicopter earlier. Mr. Mike Mohan Singh exclaimed, "The ride was breathtaking. I wonder why Essel World and Kishkintha don't have such rides. The fan, however, was outside the chopper. I will discuss with Ponia ji to change the design. Either the fan must be inside or I must be outside!"

Politics
The American President George Bush waged a war on Iraq because he suffered from severe constipation. The British Prime Minister Tony Blair supported the move since his dog suffered similar symptoms. After 1.5 million deaths, Saddam was taken to court, where he was found guilty of possessing biological weapons when he let out a loud fart. Bush's constipation has cleared up now, but the judge and the jury have got their nose blocked.

The dumbness of many Indian ministers was exposed when they were caught on cam taking money for asking questions in the Parliament. One of them agreed to ask the Honourable Speaker what he did during his summer vacations, while the other one, addressed to the Prime Minister wanted to know why Margazhi Kutcherys were held in RR Sabha, Narada Gana Sabha etc but not in Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha.

Natwar Singh and his son were caught in the food-for-oil scam. The BJP leaders demanded that Natwar resign. Natwar failed to oblige. Manmohan Singh was under fire from them as well. He turned a deaf ear to them. They then demanded that Congress President Sonia Gandhi resign. She didn't care either. Thus, with no other choice, Advani resigned.

Sports
India's most brilliant Captain Saurav Ganguly, who had an average between Pi and 2Pi in his last twenty innings, was surprisingly dropped from the squad. The Prince of Kolkatta was so talented that he could bat at any position for full two minutes (action replay time inclusive). Greg Chappel sent a confidential e-mail regarding this to Mr. Raj Singh Dungarpur, which was published in the newspaper before it reached his mailbox.

Sharat Pawar, who knows as much about cricket as Mandira Bedi, now heads the BCCI. India thus became the only country in the world where a politician is in charge of cricket, an actor in charge of administration and a buffoon in charge of the Railway Ministry.

Sania Mirza took the whole of India by storm after she jumped around the court in skimpy clothing. She has a cute face with glamorous eyes, tiny pink lips, terrific thighs, sexy hips and a great figure. And if I remember right, she plays Tennis.

Movies
Rajnikant made a comeback as Dr. Saravanan; Dr. Bradley's first disciple. (Enna koduma Vasu idhu?) Vasu spent around 20 crores to buy Eyetex for Jothika's eyes and 10 crores to buy Tantex to cover up Prabhu and Ramkumar. Ramkumar also made a special guest appearance in the film, which incidentally was the most scary scene in the film.

Shankar managed a comeback too, with Anniyan. The film was initially given an A certificate since there were too many close-ups of Sodha..err..Sadha. However, Shankar corrected it with graphics. Those close-ups were later printed on pumpkins during Ayudha Pooja and were a huge success.

Ghajini, another superhit movie, was Surya's biggest hit of his career. Though Surya's dance steps in the film reminded the audience of the Bagyaraj of yesteryear, gals somehow appreciated it and found him oh-so cute. The film was a big opportunity for Nayanthara to showcase her talents. After seeing this film director Ramanarayanan has signed her for his next film where she plays the lead role of Ganesa. Sodha co-stars as Ramu. [For the uninitiated, Ganesa and Ramu are traditional names of elephant and monkey in Tamil films]

Verdict on Cheran's Thavamai Thavamirundhu is not yet out. The first show of the film, which started at Dec 9th at 11:00 AM, is still going on. Theater owners want the film trimmed since they believe they will be unable to accommodate the Pongal releases. According to the latest information, Cheran stopped his cycle at Coimbatore for a tea break on his way to Kargil. Realistic cinema at its best.

Music
Pop King, Michael Jackson, was accused of sharing his bed with kids and molesting them. However, he was cleared by the jury, who said, "No kid in his right mind could afford looking at Mr. Jackson at such close range and then survive to tell about it". It may be noted that Jackson had undergone 4x10¹¹ plastic surgeries to change his face into something like that of Ravi Krishna.

Britney Spears became the proud mom of a baby boy. Britney was uncertain about the child's surname as she could not pin point a single person. She was clueless as to who got lucky and who didn't. The matter was resolved with a lucky draw, the results of which were published in Tamizh Murasu. Ticket number 3,27,085 was declared the winner. Summa nachchunu irukku!

Yuvan Shankar Raja had a great 2005 with really nice albums to his credit. However, it is greatly advised that he visits the bathroom and eases himself before he sings. A couple of bananas a day might help if he suffers from the same problem as George Bush and Tony Blair's dog.

Srikanth Deva and Sabesh Murali received Matrix and Warriors of Heaven and Earth sound tracks respectively as a birthday gift from Deva. Greatly inspired by these masterpieces, they have used it in every other film of theirs, as a tribute.

Misc
Matter Saamiyar Chaturvedi was released after he proved in court that the man in the video was not him. He argued that he did not have a machcham in the iduppu and urged the judges to watch the clip again. The fear of watching a matter video starring Chaturvedi, who was like a hairy version Captain's younger brother, made the judges skip the video and pass the judgement.

Bill Gates, during his visit to Chennai, met the DMK chief Mr. Karunanidhi to discuss the development of IT sector in Chennai. After one and half hour of thorough discussion, they decided that Bill Gates did not know Tamil and Karunanidhi did not know English and that it was best to say "bye", for that's the only common word they knew.

The name of a popular gameshow on Jaya TV, Jackpot, was aptly changed to Jacket. Kushboo's massive collection of torn blouses have been displayed at the Madras Museum for the 'pinnala vara sangathigal'. Since words like inflation, economy, market, export etc made no sense to political parties, they decided to shift their focus towards Kushboo's jacket, which is of utmost importance for a developing country like India.

The biggest disappointment of 2005 was that there were no Captain films!! 2006 is in for a double treat with Perarasu and Sudhesi both looking good!!

Have a blast this year folks, as there can be no better reason to celebrate!! Hope u guys had a great new year! :-)

Disclaimer : All facts stated in the above post are fictitious :)

P.S. : With this post, me ends my self-imposed exile

Maramando : Trailer

2005-12-26T23:00:00.000+05:30

Click pic to enlarge

A.R. Mottaboss Presents

MARAMANDO

Cast
Gabtun as Vijay Munusamy
9-thara as Alpana
Gumitha as Chatra

Music
Zolufis Xamiyaj
(Pronounced : Harris Jeyaraj)

"Sir, naan Vijay Munusamy case-la project panna poraen"
"Onnum thevai illa, pesaama Mudumalai poi rest edu!"
"Atleast andha case-a pathi explain pannunga sir"
"Sorry ma, enakku 15 mins maela edhuvum gnabagam irukkarthu!"

"Enga sir poganum?"
"Veetukku"
"Endha veetukku?"
"India-la motham 2579 crore veedunga irukku, adhula 1267 crore veetukku asian baints adichirukaanga..."
"Sir, sir 15 mins aagiduchu, please idhellam maranthudunga sir!!"

"En baeru Vijay. Vijay Munusamy. Naan blane-laenthu erangina, en binnadi naalu baer varuvaanga"
"Without-la travel panna appadi dhaan!"

"Naan Vijay Munusamy-a love pannala paaa!!"
"Neeyae avana love pannati, vaera yaar pannuva?!"
"Avana manushan love pannuvaana?!"
"So nee dheiriyama pannalam!"

"Alpana naan US boraen"
"Uzhavar Sandhai dhaaney? Poitu va"
"Illa illa Unided Sdades of Ameriga"
"Oor paerey vaai-la nuzhaiyala unakku, nee anga pona seruppala adichu thiruppi anuppuvaanga, pessama ingaye kada!"

"En Alpana-va kolai pannavan moonji en kannu munnadiye irukku"
"Moodhevi, edhurlaye ninna kannu munnadi dhaan irukkum!"

See Was Gilled

See Is Gone

Find Im and Soot Im

Coming soon to a blog near you!! :-)

Disclaimer : All characters are fictitious. Any resemblences are supposedly coincidental

PS 1 : Me hopes to write this as a series starting from next week :-)

PS 2 : And with this post I celebrate this blog's first anniversary! I have tried on so many occasions in the past to cook up a serious blog, but have never been succesful! Lets see if I succeed in the coming year

Thanks to all you guys!!

Not here, please!!

2005-12-20T01:00:00.000+05:30

Are you sweating profusely inspite of a cold wave? Is there a traffic jam on the footpath? Does the smell around you make you badly want to bury your face in a railway toilet? Welcome to T.Nagar - the busiest shopping area in our galaxy.

Shopping in T.Nagar is not an easy task. It requires a lot of patience and a great amount of stupidity to choose it as the venue. If you were to visit all the shops in the area, you'll actually not come out before 2020 A.D. So, here's a little FAQ that would help you guys to go around the place and be prepared for the worst.

Where is this T.Nagar?
Nobody knows accurately. It is just this lovely place in Chennai, which if you decide to visit for the second time, you get a free seasonal pass for a window-side bed in Kilpauk hospital.

Sounds like a holiday package..what if I manage a third visit?
You get one year free admission at Yervadi, next to Sethu Vikram. Cost of chain included in the package.

Oh! You said it's a lovely place. Do people go there for sight-seeing?
Kinda yeah, it is Chennai's own version of "Suicide Point"

Can we shop there?
There are just two things you can do at T.Nagar. One,shop and two,die. The former is optional though.

My wife wants some good silk sarees. Where do I take her?
Push her into Pothys and run. This is your best chance to live with some self respect in future.

What if I stay?
You automatically qualify for Bihar elections.

What if I go in too?
If you are Gopi, you'll come out as Gopi 65.

I heard gold is pretty cheap at some place there?
Very cheap yeah, not just the rate. I guess you are talking about Ranganathan Street, Annachi shop.

Ya ya. How do I go there?
You just need to stand at the start of that street. Close your eyes. Open your eyes. You are inside Annachi shop, courtesy : fellow shoppers.

Can I take my vehicle?
Shut up! Even Laloo wouldn't do that!

Oh is it very crowded?
Yeah, by the time you count the number of people around you, they can telecast Junoon twice.

Junoon?? What's that?
Kadavule! Paathathu illiya Junoon neenga? Periya athu megaserial. Pesuvaanga maathi maathi thamizh athula.

Oh! By the way, do men shop in T.Nagar?
Wise men stay away. Married men do shop.

I heard there are lots of platform shops?
There is no platform. Only shops.

Whatever, how good are they?
Very good infact. You get all sortsa brands including Nykee, Ribok and Adeedas. At cheap rates that too!

Hey isn't that phony? The spellings are all messed up!!
Naah. They have been changed according to numerology, that's all.

Fine. Is there any good restaurant there?
Ya, Saravana Bhavan.

Wow! What would I get there for, say 50 rupees?
Quite a lot. Half a dosa, 5 ml Sambhar and some pebbles.

Pebbles? Why??
Huh, you are dumber than a crow! To raise the level of sambhar ofcourse.

No chutney is it?
They have it in a big vessel near the entrance. You are allowed to take a peek.

That's bad. But I heard there's a hot chips too?
You'll be a hot chip yourself once you step into Ranganathan Street.

How is the air pollution level in T.Nagar?
One deep breath and you'll die on the spot, money back guarantee.

So many issues, eh? Finally, what's the best thing about T.Nagar?
Variety. So many shops, so many dresses and so many accessories. Even if you escape death by other mean, you'll be confused to death!

***

I sincerely hope this FAQ doesn't become applicable to Mylapore in the near future. I've been here for more than twenty years and can't bear to see Mylapore become as chaotic as T.Nagar! I have no clue why the Govt. gives permission to build multi-storeyed buildings in the crowded Mada streets - Saravana Bhavan, Kumaran Silks, SM Silks and Sukra Jewellers all have shops in the area now. Pothys and Nathella are planning to open big showrooms too, I heard. Boo hoo! Get away, we don't need you!! :-(

The Boss

2005-12-14T10:00:00.000+05:30

Pic : Suruttified from newspaper

Varippuli jaathi-a irundhaalum seri, Sakthi udambula paathi-a irundhalum seri, michcham meethi-a irundhaalum seri, ini ungalukkellam beethi!

Konjam unga BGM ellam mute-la veyyungappa, enga thalaivar varaaru!

Shooting starts today! Yayy!!

Irritating IVRS

2005-12-09T01:00:00.000+05:30

IVRS : Hi. Welcome to Customer Care. If you want to continue in English press 1. For Hindi press 2. For Tamil press 3. If you are Harris Jeyaraj, press 4.
Guy : 1
IVRS : If you want to talk to our executive, press 1.
Guy : un kooda manushan pesuvaana!! 1.
IVRS : All our executives are currently busy, please stay online. If you would like to talk to Saurav Ganguly in the meanwhile, press 1. Else press 2.
Guy : Ganguly-a vida unga executives busy-a?? Anyways 2.
IVRS : If you are sure you don't want to talk to Ganguly, press 1. Else press 2.
Guy : Idhukku maela 2 press panna, confident, lock keejiye ellam kaekkum pola irukku. Namma 1-ey press panniduvom. 1.
IVRS : Sorry, this service is currently unavailable since Ganguly has been unexpectedly named in the test squad. Do call back next week. We are sure he'll be back with us. Thank you. We will now try transferring you to our executive. Please wait.
Guy : Ivalo nerama adha dhaan pannitu irukkaen!
IVRS : Sorry, all our executives are currently busy. If you like to listen to some jokes in the menwhile, press 1. Else press 2.
Guy : Jobless anyways, atleast some jokes would help. Okie 1.
IVRS : This Lok Sabha session is brought to you live. Sorry, the house has been adjourned after the opposition blamed Ms. Ponia for giving permission to Italian Pizza outlets. Mr. Natwar Dance is also facing charges in the Oregon Seasoning scam.
Guy : Huh! Now what am I supposed to press??
IVRS : All our executives are currently busy. We predict that you'd have a couple of grey hairs by now. Press 1 to buy hair dye. Press 2 to buy Henna. Press 3 if you are not interested in the offer.
Guy : Saniyan! 3.
IVRS : We are currently transferring you to our executive. Please stay on line.
*SA Rajkumar style lalala in the background*
Executive : May I help you?
Guy : Pinna unna pathi visarikkava call pannaen!
Executive : Your name please, sir.
Guy : Lord Labakku Das.
Executive : What should I do for you sir?
Guy : My balance has reduced suddenly.
Executive : Pass book-a paarunga!
Guy : I mean my prepaid account balance!
Executive : Sorry sir, I handle only postpaid accounts. Please dial 35007 for prepaid accounts! Now please be online to listen to S.A. Rajkumar's lalala tune before you disconnect. Thank you!

Presently, 'Customer Care' remains no more than a 'Kashtam'er Care.

Update : This post has been edited since I was told by someone close that it hurt their faith - the reference to Adam and Eve. I did not mean to do that, sorry! Anyways what you find above is what I wrote in the beginning, before going beserk

PS : The original post is here.

Sivakasi 'n' Maja - Review

2005-12-05T22:00:00.000+05:30

Diwali signifies the triumph of good over bad. However, this year was an exception, for the world witnessed the release of four films, each of which was as good as Kris Srikkanth's Hindi.

Sivakasi : A film that must definitely be watched first day, first show, so that you can warn all your buddies at the earliest.

Majaa : One that had a director bold enough to make a movie without any story and fail.

Bambara Kannaley : With Srikanth in the lead, I was sure that the nearest theatre I had to visit would be 50 km away from my place. So skipped it, but ofcourse, the movie is bad.

Chidambarathil One Appasaamy : That was released worldwide on Jaya TV for dhrishti purposes.

Read Review . . .

Let us focus on the two main movies alone - Sivakasi and Maja. Both moviemakers made sure that once the movie started, all passages were sealed and screams of 'LET ME OUT' were not heard outside.

Hero
Sivakasai, as the trailor claims, has Ilayathalapathy Vijay in the most versatile role of 2005. Considering the greased banian and unbuttoned shirt that Vijay has been wearing since 2002, he walks away with the most 'versatile' actor award for the fourth consecutive year. He has played a variety of roles including five appearences as a mechanic cum rowdy, two as a car cleaner cum rowdy, seven as a workshop/welding shop owner cum rowdy and ten appearences as just a rowdy. The role did suit Vijay's mass image a lot.

When Vikram does an offbeat film, jintak colour dhothi (dubai dress) and a rolled handkerchief form an integral part of his costume. This film is no exception. Vikram does his role well but every other dialogue of his is punctuated by 'Majaa da' (Numerology stuff eh?) for some unknown reason.

Heroine
Asin is a babe and it's only possible for a dumbo to make her look less pretty. Perarasu does the job well. She has chosen both her roles with utmost care, keeping up her word ("I first see the script, my part in it and then the director while choosing my roles"). Her roles proved to be the 'teRning point' in the movie. Sooperabbu. They were as important as elephant sh*t.

Story and Screenplay stuff
Sivakasi is an outright masala film. There is a Pallakku Pandi who simply comes all the way from jail, shows his rear to Vijay and gets kicked. Next scene Vijay tells Asin that she is roaming around with just her undergarments in front of a hundred people. Asin is totally elated that he found out and also let the world know about it and falls in love with him. Vijay tells her now that he'll love her only if she sleeps with him. Asin is elated again and informs her brothers that they can find her at Vijay's house, just in case. Vijay feels very bad. He goes and beats up Asin's dad when Asin is missing. Now dad is elated with this quality of Vijay and urges Asin to marry him. Her brother's come and talk to Vijay and he hits them. Vijay is elated. So throughout the movie, everybody is elated, except the audience. Nobody, including Perarasu, knows how Sivakasi is going to behave in a scene. It's something like a split personality. Versatile role...yeah, makes sense now.

Majaa. A commission has been set up by the Film Institute of India to find the story in this film. More on it after the results are out.

Director
Both directors have been really bold. Shafi has been bold enough to take a movie without any story and Perarasu has been bold enough to show his face on screen.

Comedy
Perarasu deserves a pat on the back for not choosing a seperate comedy track for his movie. There is enough scope for the audience to laugh at any scene. The director has mastered the art of evoking laughter even in the really serious scenes, something that has till date only been achieved by Captain Vijaykant. Honestly, I've always believed that Vijay had a knack for comedy and he does well as expected.

Majaa is meant to be a full-length comedy film and it did will to a certain extent. Vadivelu and Pasupathy steal the show. It is definitely good timepass to watch them on screen. This is one of the positives of Majaa.

Songs
No song worth mentioning in both films. I felt "Iyarettu Naattu Kattai" from Majaa was kinda catchy, but nothing exceptional. Asin was the only reason I stayed in my seat.

I observe Vijay has recently been wearing dresses that were once used by our beloved Ramarajan (the king is making a come back. He is playing a cop in 'Dharman'. For the first time in Indian cinema, a cop wears a pink shirt and green pant. Releases next year I guess), accompanied by a Marilyn Monroe wig. Being an excellent dancer himself, I don't understand the efforts to make him appear funky. It doesn't suit him. I'll be glad to watch him in songs like "Thaamthakka Theemthakka" that does complete justice to his potential.

Perarasu is a great inspiration to lyricists. Many now have the feeling of, "ivaney ezhutharaaney, namma ezhuthina enna?"

Comments
The positive aspect of Sivakasi is the racy second half that tends to give an impression that the film was ok. The second half did not bore people to death. It was rather lively as compared to the first half and had lots of action. I fully understand that the movie was made with Vijay's fans in mind. But I am sure they are sane people too who can tolerate stuff only till a limit. This was stretching things a bit too far. And I hope Vijay doesn't become stale this early in his career. He still has a long way to go.

Majaa is definitely a good timepass. Better than Sivakasi, I feel coz I did not feel the movie drag me to death. Instead, it had enough ingredients to make you laugh and forget that there is no actual story in the movie. If you think back, however, it'll make you feel it was no better than Sivakasi, but bad in its own ways.

Verdict
Without using a technical yardstick for measurement . . .

Sivakasi : Pathetic first half. Ok second half. Kills your time.

Majaa : Ok timepass.

With incessant rains and floods preventing people from going to the theater to undergo torture, a month after Diwali we can celebrate the triumph of good over bad.

An SMS which my friend recieved . . .
Baby mosquito : Mom I am going to the theater.
Mother mosquito : Take care dear. People will clap hands, its risky.
Baby mosquito : Don't worry mummy, am just going for Sivakasi.

I've changed it finally

2005-12-02T23:30:00.000+05:30

Phew! The black, which made most of you guys' eyes Captain red with irritation is finally gone. Though I liked my old template a lot, it doesn't matter coz I've obviously never read what I blogged

Grey does give a dull look, but I am going to be terribly reluctant to take this template off simply coz I worked on it for two full days. Yes, two days, sacrificing all the mega serials on TV. Gosh, 'Kolangal' Abi would have helped ten new people solve their problems in these two days, while she herself is soathukku singi adichufying. And auspicious days like Friday will have atleast one death scene. I missed it all for just this! So it's going to be really heartbreaking for me to take this one off. I'll probably need to write to 'Selvi' Radhika's Ananda Vikatan Q & A, looking for solace, under such circumstances!! However, if it's truly pathetic, do let me know.

Do report bugs. I found this template cute on Mozilla, 1024 x 768. Bill Gates deserves a stick on the back for IE . The collapsible lists on the left seemed compatible with both browsers though.

So, is this thing good enough? Do you guys find any glaring mistake in usability? Any suggestions to spice up the template?

Cushtomer feedback required!!

Update
Since the title banner seems odd and too heavy to you guys, pick between this and this.

In Chennai, one rainy season

2005-11-29T00:00:00.000+05:30

Six months ago, if I had heard a Chennaiite shouting, "Water water everywhere, not a drop to drink", I would have done my best to get him a good seat near Sethu Vikram at Yervadi or counseled him to start a political party. Chennai, then, was like this. Ground water was depleted to such an extent that bore wells dug in areas like Kodambakkam and T.Nagar ended on the other side of the globe, Mexico. The Red Hills reservoir earned a lot of revenue for the Government by hosting league matches. It also hosted many unofficial matches like Dumil Kuppam Dilli XI Vs Kaasimedu Kabali XI. The situation was so bad that some Chennai vasis had turned modern, the demand for toilet paper increased exponentially and people stopped using sombhu for you-know-what. But now, people are back to traditional ways again. According to Saravana stores Annachi, sombhu is back in trade. Over the past two months, the rainfall in Chennai has been double the usual amount and all reservoirs are filled up to the brim.

People were praying for rain this year after the terrific summer. There was infact a concert of Udit Narayan arranged for him to sing "Paruva illai" in Amrithavarshani raga to bring some rain. But God, the saviour, acted quickly and the concert has been cancelled due to excessive rains. The Met Dept. predict slight showers (lesaana mazhai) or heavy showers (idi udan koodiya balatha mazhai) everyday in Tamil Nadu. I don't understand why they need an office with loadsa computers communicating with satellites to say that it may or may not rain in a rainy season and be cloudy in summer. In such a case every person who has obtained a minimum of 50% in 3rd Std Social Science is eligible for employment there.

Flooding has been a major problem in low-lying areas. Pictures from affected areas fill the TV screens day in and day out. Every news clipping on Sun TV has the following piece of info from the affected people : "Pullinga ellam iskool-ey poga mudila, yella idamum thanni-a keethu, ethini dhaba dhaan wait pannarthu", followed by a punch dialogue, "Indha arasu engalukkaga inna seyyuthu? Naango ellam romba kasta padrom". On the other hand, on Jaya TV : "Arasu ellam oyunga seyyuthu, engalukku soaru kidaikkuthu, naanga iskool-la thangarom, amma nalla irukkanum". After watching both the broadcasts, one feels it would have been a lot better to listen to Kris Srikkanths pearls of wisdom in Hindi about everybody cricketer's natural game and how deviating from it played an instrumental part in their bad performance with 456 Charu Bhai's in one sentence. The ladies don't complain generally, for on SunTV they see the newsreader wearing a new green-stone necklace and on Jaya TV, a peacock border silk saree, both of which will be part of their wardrobe before the end of the day.

One thing that truly amazed me was that the roads in Chennai were not affected one bit by the rain. Hats off to the Chennai Corporation. In a stretch of 1 km road normally there are around 267 peaks, 679 plateaus, 345 troughs and 5 speed breakers excluding those mentioned. That has not changed even now! The troughs infact collect water as part of the rainwater harvesting scheme implemented on all the roads in Chennai. One actually gets two different surfaces to travel on - marshy, swampy surface or rugged terrains. In short, road-ey kedayaathu. The corporation is infact planning to convert the roads in Kodambakkam into a large dirt biking arena since it may prove cost effective, most of the work already done. The amount of dust that settles on your face needs a good sand paper to sorandify : one inch thick, clearly beating the amount of make-up Kollywood heroines use. Those drivers travelling at more than 20 km/hr must compulsarily have medical insurance and if the wife is clever enough, a life insurance as well.

New releases have not been doing well in the box office. The theater owners have all been blaming the rains. But even those guys who belong to the oasi-la kodutha phenyl kooda drink category, hesitate to watch movies like Sivakasi and Majaa. Chidambarathil Oru Appasamy has however been receiving rave reviews from Thangar Bachan and that Appasamy guy in Chidambaram who are so far the two people brave enough to watch the movie. With such films, the box office lives up to its name - dabba office. The cricket match was washed out too. Chennai summer for eleven months and thirty days. On the remaining one day we have a big cricket match, and ofcourse rains too.

All this in Chennai, one rainy season.

P.S. 1 : Good to back finally. The hang-over of the break still lingers butI hope to get to regular blogging. And this is my 100th blog :-)

P.S. 2 : Since I have a very 'good' impression with girls who read this blog, I have not mentioned the joy of sighting when the girl is soaked in rain. So you guys gotta agree me good boy atleast now

Meow!

2005-11-13T16:00:00.000+05:30

Last time I blogged this. This time it's a lot more serious. Something a lot tougher. It's one week until CAT and I still haven't got things completely right. My test results are fluctuating. I've got all sorta ranks from All India 300 to All India 1500; which is just not enough! Just hope that things fall right on the D-Day. So it's time for a prayer club! Hope I do it good enough to come back and blog about it later :-)

And yeah, I guess my semester starts on Thursday. I've buy the book tommorow and start studying on Wednesday. So side-la do pray for that too!

I'll be back soon, tata!! :-)

God save us

2005-10-26T20:00:00.000+05:30

Warning : This is purely for fun. If you want to scold me for this, manasukkullaye thittikavum :-)

Natural disasters have become commonplace these days with mother nature spitting her rage all over the globe. Even the most developed countries have not been able to cope up with the destruction. So what's causing all this? What do we do? These are questions that are ringing in everybodys mind.

Starting from December 26, when Nayanthara tripped and fell flat during a song sequence in Chandramukhi, the world has witnessed massive earthquakes including the huge aftershocks caused during the picturisation chase sequences in Gajini. The only present incident, it seems, which occurs at a higher frequency than an earthquake is the Supreme Court condemning Buta Singh for his active role in violating the rules regularly, to facilitate which the Government is thinking of passing an ammendment act to add an appendix section to the constitution. When Vaasthu Lion Dr.S.Naagapaambu was consulted regarding this, he said that a quake would not have occured in Pakistan if Pakistan was near Madagscar - it's correct position according to Vaasthu principles. Indian Railway Minister Laloo Prasad Yadav mocked at the statement and in an attempt to tackle the issue scientifically, ordered relief material consisting of 1000 barrels of lubricating oil and 10,00,00,000 ball bearings to be sent to Pakistan in an attempt to smoothen the motion of the tectonic plates.
Pravunplugged predictions : With Nayanthara doing an item number in Sivakasi, people in Pakistan better be prepared for some aftershocks starting Nov.1

There was a time when people in Tamil Nadu did not know what water was. The recent floods in the state could be ascribed only to Asin in Gajini - proof that not just humans, even god drooled at her, and to a great extent at that. The meteorological department, with its extremely reliable forecasting techniques like 'the throw of a die' and 'picking up a tarot card', says that heavy rain are expected over the next 48 hours because of a kaatrazhuthu thaazhvu mandalam. Thanks to them, the rains have stopped and the situation is now under control. The only forecast which the department is good at is - "Vaanam or alavu mega mootathudan kaana padum". Obviously, sky-na clouds irukka dhaan seyyum. National Students Asspciations (NSA) chairman Mr. Sathyaraj has requested all his student friends to swing in to relief operations. When asked if he would join the students in the relief operations, he says, "I have to do some math homework. The teacher has asked me to find out my age, and am still counting. I have to give her the answer by this week, so I'll be a bit busy". The Seceretary of the NSA, Mr.Chinni Jayanth was not available for comment.
Pravunplugged predictions : With Asin going to Kerala to celebrate her birthday today, heavy showers are likely in Kerala and Karnataka.

Katrina, Rita and Wilma - three major hurricanes that have battered America. Nameology expert Ms. Anamika says that all the havoc caused is because of careless naming. She says the hurricanes are in such a hurry because they have been named hurri-cane : 8 distinct letters and hence bad luck. "Naming it Sorikayne would solve the problem", she says. On the other hand, hemology expert Mr.Paarangal has adviced Mr. George Bush to wear a Navaratna ring, which he claims would put an end to America's miseries. The Americans are however taking a more scientific approach to solve the problem. In a move to divert the hurricanes, they have requested Padmashree Dr.Kamal Hasan to come to Florida. The experts say, "Since the hurricanes are given names of sexy women, we expect them to stay away from Mr. Kamal"
Pravunplugged predictions : Paavam hurricane!

According to Mr. Nambatheengal Madayan, disasters of such magnitude occur when Jupiter is in the 9th house, Saturn in the 8th house and Buta Singh in government house without paying proper rent. Mr. Madayan welcomes the move of the Supreme Court to move Bhuta Singh out of the government quarters. He says the disasters would reduce a great deal after this. "But ultimately, things are in the hands of god, we need another avatar of god to save the world", he says.

May be we already have that incarnation?

click to enlarge

PS : Maybe its not a nice time to wish my galfriend a happy birthday. But what the heck, she is my galfriend and so.....Happy Birthday Asin!! :-)

Note : On a more serious note, I guess we seriously need to pray to end such disasters. Too many this year! Started on Dec 26 2004, the day I started this blog!

Gajini : Review

2005-10-17T18:00:00.000+05:30

Read review . . .

Though not much of a movie-goer, I never miss out the big movies. I try to watch them first day. After Chandramukhi and Anniyan, Gajini was one movie I expected a lot out of and thus decided to watch it first day inspite of a mammoth Rs.120 ticket at Sathyam. This ended up being a not-so-great movie, but it definitely is better than most movies around.

Surya plays Sanjay Ramasamy, a short-term memory loss patient. He overcomes this handicap of his to take revenge on the guy who killed his lover. That is the gist of the movie. The theme, as many know, is inspired by the Hollywood flick Memento. I haven't seen Memento myself. After hearing the original story I feel Murugadoss had a pretty neat Indian version in mind. But what came out was entangled in logical loopholes and an excessively masala climax which hamper the overall impact of the movie.

First, this movie breaks away from the monotony of Tamil masala. A new subject with a nice treatment. Surya and Asin steal the show. But for them, I pretty much feel the movie would have got nowhere. The romantic sequences have been etched out beautifully by the director and the pair has done full justice to their character. The flashback, in which the duo appear, is well placed in the movie and comes as a welcome break for the audience. Its complete drool time when they appear on screen. Asin is complete drool material! A good mix of a homely and roomly girl!

Though the positives end with that, they definitely make the movie worth watching atleast once.

Nayanthara's screen presence is amazing. She literally fills the screen. Filling the giant screen at Sathyam is quite a task, which was earlier accomplished only by Ramkumar when he went Repeeeettu in Chandramukhi. She has pierced her nose, applied lotsa kaajal on her eyes, not shampooed her hair for around two years giving it the coir look and put on enough weight to become the second largest mammal on earth after the blue whale. On the whole, she would have made a scarier ghost in Grudge saving all the make up. Her expressions were so scary that it is believed to have earned an A certification for the film. To top it all off she wears extremely small, tight clothing and is constantly being chased. First time since Rajnikant's "Annayin Aanai" (?) that I saw a baby elephant run in movies. Those of you guys who felt Nayanthara was a good country wood, after watching Chandramukhi, please check out this movie.

The songs are completely out of place in the movie. They seems to appear when you least expect them. But for "Oru Maalai" and "Suttum Vizhi", Harris Jeyaraj irritates. Senseless BGM that don't even let you follow the dialogues. Mandaiku maela mudi valartha mattum Rahman aagida mudiyuma? Mandikulla moolai-um valaranum. The fact that he is a lover of all languages comes to the fore once again in this movie. For the chorus, he has used Japaneese, Chineese, Sinhaleese, Burmeese and Dharbees till date and is expected to use C, C++ and Java in future. Innovation-aam. Paavam Surya who got this "Zoooooooooolooooooooooooooooooo, Boooozoooooooooooooo" BGM. I was thinking to myself, "athu Magix-oda naai paeru-la?". I hereby invite Maruthuvar Ramadas and Dalit Panther Thirumaalvalavan to take strict action against Harris Jeyaraj for izhivu paduthifying Tamil language.

Click to enlarge : Gajini Map

The villain looks to be a Northie. Heroines import-ey big kodumai, idhula villain vaeraya? Pathetic. Don't we have enough talent around? Why pick somebody who can't even speak Tamil properly? Idhula double action vaera. The villain twins have comically been names Ram and Lakshman. I was just hoping there isn't a Yaadon Ki Baarath style re-union and thankfully that did not happen.

Except for "Suttum Vizhi", which had some sweet graphics in it, the other songs have been picturised just decently. "Oru Maalai" was nice because of the cute Surya-Asin scenes, but whether it did justice to the song is a different question. One tends to lose the song and stay fixed to the scenes. That's not something appreciable. Though "Oru Maalai" came out of HJs repository (Mudhal Mudhalai from Lesa Lesa), the song still has the impact. HJ seems to be running out of tunes already.

The stunts are pretty good in the movie if we choose to overlook the presence of a foamy canvas where the villains fell. That was something very evident in the fight sequence before Asin's death - a long black sheet with lots of folds on it is supposed to be a tar road? The climax fight once again contained the time-slice shots. It did not irritate me this time around because it was used minimally and also not a direct copy of Neo vs Smith.

Lapse of logic is ok, but lack of logic konjam over! Was that part of indianising the movie? Romba kevalam.

The pace of the movie, which makes the first half enjoyable, is lacking in the second half and the movies drags. The movie had the potential to be a lot better. The expectation which the first half generates is not satisfied in the second half with its masala cimax. What had looked to be a novel attempt ended in a yet-another-Tamil-movie fashion. That makes one dislike the movie to an extent. Overall its a decent movie that could have been a lot lot better.

P.S. : Asin-ku enna vayasu?? Enna vida chinnavala ava??

Life is beautiful . . .

2005-10-11T22:00:00.000+05:30

. . . without girls in it.

Chanakya, the fool

2005-10-04T19:00:00.000+05:30

Supreme Hero Sarath Kumar's 98th film, Chanakya, was released last week. This means Sarath is just 2 short of his 100th film. This also means that Tamil film producers have not learnt from 97 past mistakes and it explains why they usually end up hanging from their Khaitan fan.

Sarath is often hailed as the Arnold of Tamil Nadu. True. Most people including Salman Khan prefer to roam without a shirt in the entire film with a loverboy image. That's where Sarath stands apart. He has got a great body which he has flaunted in his previous 97 films in the climax in front of the villain. The villain also does the same and they both end up admiring each others cuts and "curves". Dumb, isn't it? This image did not help his political career one bit. So Sarath sincerely requested directed Venkatesh to earn him the image of an intellectual. Since there was no way Sarath was going to do things beyond his reach, the director did the only thing he could : he named the movie Chanakya.

Chanakya is the story of an auto-driver who witnesses a murder. The villain tries to kill him without realising that the hero of the film, even if it is Sarath, is the smartest ass around. Sarath faces the villains, does detective work simultaneously to solve the crime and obviously succeeds. This is the first time in Indian cinema's unfortunate history that Sarath does detective work and is made to think so much. To make people believe that our man is capable of all this, the director displays facts from "Tell me how, tell me why, tell me what" books throughout the film : The brain weighs 500g when the baby is born, The brain of a full grown adult weighs 1500g, 95% of the human brain is filled with oxygen etc etc which Sarath was surprised to know and lauded the director for his painstaking effort. [Gossip : Sarath is believed to have got a copy of "Tell me why" and is currently analysing why the sky is blue in colour.]

Sarath's lady love in the film is Namitha. Frankly, she seems more brainy than Sarath (pun intended). She is the highlight of the film with her amazing screen presence (kids are requested to avoid 70mm screens in their own interest). After her last movie, she had taken a long break in Mudumalai and is now in the city. It was indeed a sweet shock to see Namitha back into mainstream movies. The rights for her previous film were exclusively given to Jyothi theater by the censor officials. The director was stunned by her perfomance in earlier films and decided to harness her raw (once upon a time) talent in this movie.

The music by Srikanth Deva and the songs penned by well known lyricist X (I dunno thios mahaan's name) also deserve special mention. The title song is an extremely karuththu ulla song : Uchi uchi uchi uchi uchi, naan yaera poraen uchi maela uchi. It happens to be Sarath's best title track till date. The song "Onnu vaangina onnu ilavasam, ajaal gujaal ajaal gujaal" contains powerful lyrics for the future citizens of India. "Ambuli maamu ambuli maamu, naan singilu maamu" is an emotional song in which mom feeds baby Sarath nila soaru. The pick of the songs from the film is, "Tharuveeeeeeya... tharamaateeeeeeeeeeeeya ... tharalaena un paechu ka". It has Sarath and Namitha dancing in school uniform. Sarath became extremely nostalgic during the shoot. He remembered how in 1889, when he was in 2nd standard, he used to go to school during the rainy season. Namitha looks very pretty in skirt with the thumb in her mouth. Even then she is too big for 2nd standard.

The film is sprinkled with action sequences. The best one being the fight in an MTC bus. Sarath fights with 30 rowdies armed with weapons and he gets past all of them to emerge the winner. The fight sequence was a novel attempt, it was based on a token system like in Aavin milk booths. The rowdies come and get hit in ascending order of the token number assigned to them. The climax is ripped from phone booth but Venkatesh still deserves credit for ripping off a good climax.

Graphics have been used effectively showing bullets coming from Sarath's eyes. Such thigs may be new for Sarath fans, but engala maadhiri Captain fans-ku idhellam sarva saadharnam. He will shoot, will shoot, shoot.

On the whole, Chanakya is a wholesome family entertainer if you forget about the story, screenplay, dialogues, camera, editing and direction. Sarath has played an entirely different role moving away from his usual three role formula where he plays dad, son and dad's onnu vitta chithappa, all minutely differentiated by make-up. He deserves to be praised for such attempts. If Kamal can play a detective cop in Vettayaadu Vilayaadu, why can't Sarath play a detective auto driver in Chanakya? Disappointment for all Kamal fans as Chanakya beats Vettayadu Vilayadu by three months.

P.S. 1 : Don't even think that I was jobless enough to watch this movie. I have just seen the trailer :-) Don't think am discouraging you movie goers. Am just encouraging you guys with the info that Sarath films always make a good pastime in the absence of Captain films. So go watch it! :-)

P.S. 2 : I did watch Gajini, first day. A decent film, not all the great an effort. Want to write a review, but pretty lazy :-)

P.S. 3 : A million thanks to Sangeeta for this Dunno how it got there this time! That was in Mumbai Mirror.

P.S. 4 : You guys know whom to wish tom? Advance wishes to Kaadhal Mannan, Kadalai Mannan, Girl Pickupper, Sanga thalaivar Ferrari :-)

Happy Birthday :-)

2005-09-27T00:00:00.000+05:30

After a week's hiatus, I now have enough time to say . . .

Happy Birthday to me :-)

Gifts in the form of cash, DD, non-bounceable cheques and google amukks are all appreciated

Kaun Banega Lakshmipathi

2005-09-19T18:00:00.000+05:30

Blogosphere's 'hottest' ever game show!!

Hosted by Algitab Periyavan.

What is Kaun Banega Lakshmipati?
It's this big game show produced by Buddharth Basu with big prizes!

What do the winners get?
The winner gets to marry Lakshmi and thereby he becomes Lakshmi'pathi'. He/she may also choose any other equivalent prize like a free trip to hell, sitting next to SRK* in the bathtub etc etc.

Lakshmi? That Tamil Cine actress??
No no, not her. She got married only last month.

Adhu pona mosam. Am talking about this month...!
That's not possible. She exceeded the bound for number of legal marriages allowed. The IPC Section 969 does not permit more than 1,28,765 marriages in a calendar year.

So how do we enter the contest?
Every show will have ten participants who play the Biggest Tongue First challenge. The person with the longest tongue will move to the hot seat. To be fair to both genders, 99 cm will be subtracted from a woman's tongue length since they exceed the average tongue length of men by approximately that amount.

Hot seat? What's that?
That's where you'll sit and play the game in front of Algitab Periyavan. This one.

Oh! How long should we sit on it?
Till you win the game. That'd be five questions to answer correctly.

What do I win at each stage?
Initially the hot seat will be seat to 10,000 celsius. As you answer correctly the temperature will reduce to 5000, 2500, 1000, 500 and finally 0. That's when you'll complete the game and become a Lakshmipathi.

What if I answer wrong?
You will be made to run in the sun or in Chennai like Mudhalvan Arjun.

That's worse!! Do I get any help inbetween?
You have four lifelines to help you. 50:50, audience poll, phone a paradesi and flip.

What is 50:50?
The number of options to choose from will be halved and the temperature of the hotseat will be doubled by using this life line.

Oh!! What is audience poll?
You can ask the audience for help. But take care to ask questions which are only as tough as "What is Rishi Kapoor's surname?". Anything other than that is beyond the scope of the audience.

And what's Phone a Paradesi?
You can use this to call up your equally dumb friend and take his help. You have thirty seconds to read out your question. After that the line will get cut.

What about flip?
By using this lifeline you can change your question and at the same time flip your hotseat to sit more comfortably with the burner facing down.

What if I win and Lakshmi refuses to marry me after I win?
You will win one year free supply of Burnol to take care of your affected areas.

What if I don't make it to the hot seat?
Then you won't need Burnol.

No, I mean what do I get if I don't make it to the hot seat?
A cool butt.

I mean isn't there a Har Seat Hot Seat contest?
Oh that . . . you can play along with the participant using your computer. If you get the most questions right, you will get a chance to stand up and wave to the crowd.

And after that?
You have to sit down.

Isn't there any money involved?
Yeah, you can get as much as 2 crore rupees.

Hey that's cool. How?
Robbing a bank perhaps. You get 1 year imprisonment free with this scheme. Or google ad amukki this beggar boy-a panakkaram aakkalam. Please do the needful

So who all can play KBL?
Anybody who has watched Algitab Periyavan movies, refused to go to school during his/her childhood and has atleast nineteen such experiences to share during the show.

Disclaimer : Applying Burnol is the sole responsibility of the contestant and any such requests shall not be entertained.

Note : Guys, do you think this is good enough to be a series? If so, who do you want to see as the participant? If not, you may still say a few bad words in the comment box :-)

*SRK = Shahrukh Khan and NOT Sudhish

King or Queen?

2005-09-15T01:00:00.001+05:30

Lux has completed 75 years in the industry and it seems to be celebrating it in style by roping in Shahrukh Khan for their latest ad. At first glance, I was excited hoping to see a babe in the bathtub filled with rose petals a la American Beauty. But it was Shahrukh saying, "I am going to reveal my beauty secret - LUX", with one those 'provoking' looks. I had every reason to believe Mani Shankar Aiyar would schedule an appointment with him next week.

In an era obsessed with equality of women, every woman achiever is proudly hailed for venturing into fields dominated by men. Here we have an exception on our hands. One man ventures into unexplored grounds viz. a bath tub filled with rose petals that had long been associated with babes like Hema Malini, Sridevi, Juhi Chawla and Ravi Krishna. King Khan stands out. Thank heavens he did not choose to do it literally and was complacent to remain seated in his bath tub. Shahrukh's long hair, which I believed was for some film, started making more sense now. Just that they had to advance the ad shooting by a couple of months.

Beauty has invariably been associated with the female gender. It is nice to see a babe sitting in the bath tub with froth covering the essential areas alone and a smooth soap sliding on her smoother skin. The entire thing has a nice feel to it. It is thus complete injustice to have Shahrukh in such an ad just because he has this smoothy skin, totally waxed chest, long hair and willingness to jump into a rosy bath tub. If at all there is a sequel planned, I just hope they don't make Shahrukh, dressed in his undergarments, dance in some waterfall. Or else he might, for all you know, be forced to lead the protest by Mumbai bar dancers against the government.

An ad targetting men generally needs to cover all the galeej aspects - dripping sweat, dirty clothes, bacteria underarm to name a few. Why this formula, nobody knows. Probably they try to portray men as active and hardworking and show the consequences of being so. All prodcuts meant for men are thus extremely strong, including the red Lifebuoy that was once believed to be used in the construction of Red Fort. Men stink, but are condemned to a worse fate with Lifebuoy and so they stink further while women use fragrant soaps. This unwritten rule was not followed by Medimix and Margo and they ran out faster than Sibiraj films. The Lux ad is thus seen as a breaker of barriers. But replacing this by rose petal filled bath tub? We prefer to stink!

If the trend continues, we might end up seeing a whole lot of innovative ads. Radhika might be roped in for Gillette Mach3 considering she has more facial hair than most men while Murali who speaks in a very low tone might endorse Whisper. Ravi Krishna will be benefited the most with offers from both sides.

The ad was thus clearly an attempt to lure in more men to use Lux. Probably the bathtub could not be done away with coz it held some sentimental value and Shahrukh was victimised. With such a repelling portrayal, they'll get just two new customers - Mani Shankar Aiyar and Shahrukh himself. It would have been a lot better if Shahrukh was applying soap to some babe in the frothy tub. That's targeting the audience!!

King Khan must definitely get out of that tub as soon as possible. Hopefully that happens behind the scenes.

Seven is big!

2005-09-12T22:03:00.000+05:30

Me was tagged by Vikki to do this tag. People usually go beserk to learn they've been tagged. I try to make the other person repent for having tagged me ! Over build up-la? Summa dhaan. Okie here starts the vetti tag . . .

7 Things You Plan to do before u die

Get a B.E. from Anna Univ
Work in a big company
Correct the figure in the neighbouring cabin
Marry her, divorce her and move to another neighbouring figure
Resign job when all neighbouring cabins visited
Become MP citing above qualifications
Vaasthu padi change the name of India

7 Things You Can Do

Kiss Aishwarya Rai
Hug Sania Mirza
Date Sharapova
Turn off the TV when it's Venus Vs Serena
Play "natural game" ;-)
Sing like Karthik, the actor
Act like Karthik, the singer

7 Things You Cant Do

Speak bad about Captain
Watch the (tennis) ball in women's tennis
Wash my jeans pant
Watch late night movies with the volume turned on
Apologise to Nila for biting her too hard
Keep count of Dada's failures
Look at TR and smile

7 things that attract you to the opposite sex

Long hair
Short tongue
Left Eyebrow
Right Eyelash
Juicy lips
Transparent dress &
Sex!

7 things u say most (suitably censored wherever applicable)

Loosu
Saniyan
Naaye
Hair
Sexual Intercouse
Person having sexual intercouse
Other things that are completely censored except in SJ Surya movies

7 celebrity crushes

Sania Mirza
Maria Sharapova
Anna Kournikova
Asin
En range-ku vaera yaarum illa, so idhoda pass

PS : I also like Mango crush and Strawberry crush

7 People I tag

Laloo Yadav - paruthikottai.com
Kris Srikkanth - naturalgamekelocharubhai.com
Captain - namadhuvijayakanth.com
Simbhu - jettyjaya.com
Amitabh Bachan - matajimeinamitabachanbolrahahoon.com
Sania Mirza - praveensvalentine.com
Sharapova - praveensmine.com

Note : Any questions regarding the truth of the above answers shall not be entertained. They are true to the best of my limited knowledge

And yeah, next time tag koduckkarchae chinna number-a kodunga pa! Seven is big!!

Karmam!

2005-09-08T22:00:00.000+05:30

Ever noticed the ads for these toilet cleaning agents? They have certain things in common . . .

Every damn ad shows a toilet which would make you puke right that instant. They look centuries old, like say Mangal Pandey was using them while he was dragged outside and hanged before he could pour some water.
There is a lens which zooms this nasty lil thingy and voila! Micro-oragnisms are seen.
Some of these organisms discuss strategies to spread deadly diseases like Captain chalking out a plan to kill Bakistan Deeviravaathigal.
And now the bluish cleaning agent is poured . . . all the germs die as revealed by the lens which reappears.
This sparkling white toilet then inspires Mangal Pandey to rise from his grave to continue where he left off.

All these cliched advertising tactics are accepted. But have you ever noticed the time these ads are aired on TV? Prime time, 9:00 P.M, just when you sit in front of the TV with delicious food prepared by your mom!! Is this some awareness campaign to suggest that whatever one eats, they have to use these antique toilets which has germs scheming to attack your butt and cause AIDS?? Cha!

One particular company has roped in a celeb to go around with their "XYZ Challenge". If you have a badly stinking unusuable Mangal Pandey toilet, you just accept the celebs challenge and he'll come home and clean it for you while you sit back awestruck!! Endha madayan-oda idea-vo therila! Our Govt. can probably challenge this guy to clean all public toilets in Chennai, after which our celeb might have to be a permanent Builiding Contractor of Kaekraan Maekraan, Begreen.

This is how the ad actually goes . . .

Lady : Hai! You are the guy from Kyunki Uncle Bhi Kabhi Aunty Thee right?? Come in come in, wanna have something to eat?
Celeb : Show me the toilet!
Lady : Oh you've come for the XYZ Challenge is it?
*Me : Pinna un veetla thalai deepavali kondaadava varuvaan!!*
Celeb : Yes, what do you think about this toilet?
*Me : Mein Audience Poll use karna chaahtha hoon!*
Lady : This was built by my great grandfather, haven been cleaned ever since.
*Me : Obviously!*
Celeb : Do you think that these stains would go?
Lady : Definitely not. I've tried various methods, no use.
*Me : Bathroom poga try paneenga seri, clean panna try paneengala?*
Celeb : Ok, lets go to the challenge. Pour our XYZ liquid and wait for 15 mins. Now pour water and here you go!
Lady : Wow, evalo azhaga aagiduchu en toilet!
*Me : Toilet-la enna yezhavu azhagu vaendi kadakku??*

So if you are kinda busy with work, use the celeb to get the work done for you. Besides you'll be TV! Though there'll be a close up of you exclaiming about your clean toilet, you'll still be on TV!

Maarungada dei!

No Kya?

2005-09-06T07:00:00.000+05:30

That's the verdict spelt out by Anna University, a big no to mobile phones being used inside the campus of all its affiliated colleges. In addition, a formal dress code is also being stressed. Next on line might be an emphasis on students wearing Sudarmani undergarments alone inside the campus to have a sense of uniformity.

Mobile phones have made everything quicker. You could be talking on your phone and at the same time cook, taste your food, find it bad, thow it and order for pizzas instead. You could practically do anything walking around in circles except probably take a leak. Such things have made the use of mobiles indispensable, particularly so in college life. Having a bulge in the pants has become a status symbol for guys. Ofcourse, as you rightly thought, I was referring to mobile phones being thrusted into tight fitting jean pockets. Guys and gals have had to put on huge dramas at home in front of their parents convincing them that mobile phones are highly useful in case of emergencies to get hold of a Nokia 3315, which is more a sengal than a cell. It's thus a cherished possession. Gals take especially good care of their cell phones. They keep it in a fancy jigina cell phone pouch, place it in the second zip of their handbag which inturn goes into the front compartment of their bags. So by the time they pick up the emergency phone call, the emergency itself would be history. If mom calls up her gal to tell her dad is ill, dad would be hale and healthy by the time the girl picks up her mobile. But nonetheless, as students we oppose the rules imposed and thus do not welcome this move by the university.

Mobile phones are accused of distracting the students during class hours. After having had 14 odd years of schooling, the only person who would be attentive in class is the guy in the last bench who has turned his face away from the board to face the girls of his class. That's the only task carried out with full concentration. So if mobile phones are going to distract them isn't it good for the women community? Why such considerations have been taken of the picture remains hazy. The officials probably did not have anybody to ogle in their class I believe. They might have studied in Andipatti or Arasampatti but ithu singaara Chennai and figures sighting in our birth right!

Students don't listen to the lecture and keep messaging their friends is another charge against the usage of mobile phones. Lecture is derived from the Latin word 'lacktia' which means "causing sleep". A lecturer, according to Oxford's latest release is "a person who has the bad habit of talking while the others are sleeping". Such etymological evidence suggests undeniably that students don't, and are not supposed to listen to lectures failing which they might be asked to hang themselves with arana kayiru. So, here again, mobile phones make the students more active in class and encourages them to involve in worldly talk with their friends to gain infos about the Shakeela movie being played that weekend and advising him that Blue Lagoon on AXN would be a better choice, thereby establishing a medium for students from different colleges to share their knowledge.

"The productivity of a student is lost since he/she wastes time in class", said a press release by the university. This just shows the ignorance of the university officials. It is highly difficult for a guy to put kadalai from his house with his girlfriend(s) due to external disturbances viz. father and mother who insist that the same guy who studied three consecutive years in LKG, study and get the gold medal in college. Thus fulfilling such an important task can be done during class hours only. According to Euler's theorem, the probability of getting a girl friend increases exponentially with the number of figures the guy knows. So whatever talk goes on is only in the best interest of the guys future - for him to settle in life with a good gujili. Losing productivty is a lot better than losing reproductivity, right?!

Camera phones are being viewed sacrilegiously especially after the DPS MMS case. We, as mature engineering students, solemnly urge that we shall not video tape our matter experiences, if any, for it not only spoils the image of the girl, but also nullifies the chances of us staying with our parents. What those kids did was a big mistake. We have learnt from it. We shall keep matter moments within the four walls. We will just keep it for party photographing - clicking a girl when she is dancing nicely in a non-existant dress!

Finally, the formal dress code also seems out of place. The dress one wears is definitely not going to reflect his mental capabilities. Formals poataalum seri, jeans poataalum seri, illa Archimedes style-la thirinjaalum seri, loosu loosa dhaan irukkum. Technical people should be formally dressed nu endha madayan sonnathu? This decision is believed to affect the girls a lot more than the guys since they have given up the habit of wearing dresses long long ago. They were thinking about body painting when this announcement came as a shock.

All these decisions just adds an extra page to the rulebook that's being torn day in and day out by the students. Oru rule poattu, adhu break aaratha paakarthula appadi what sandhosham? Loosa avanga? Please discuss! :-D

Captain Calls

2005-09-02T18:00:00.000+05:30

Pic Courtesy : NamadhuVijaykanth

Captain Vijaykanth is reaching out to the masses in style. He has launched his official political website, namadhuvijayakanth.com The launch of the webpage shows Captain's complete sync with the current generation. Manasu alavula enga Captain-ku innum vayasaagala!!

Captain has gone for blood red, jet black and jaundice yellow combination for the colour of his party flag which I believe are his three favourite colours after seeing such huge overcoats in Narasimha. Red symblises the raw power of Captain's eyes, black hinting at our black gold Captain himself and yellow symbolises kindheartedness which Captains displays even to terrorists by advising them before they eventually die. The homepage has a hyperlink which proves to be an innovative addition to webpages. You realise after a couple of seconds that it does the function of the refresh button. So even if u don't have a refresh button in your browser u can keep seeing the same site again and again. Its the first browser independent site I believe.

The website features various sections about Captain. There is a "Captain Kural" section which might be Captain's enlightening census talk. I did not have the time to check it out since I had just 7 hrs spare time yest. A "News" section which contains updates about Captain's latest political moves is also a feature. Captain outhinks villains in his movies by following pigeons to terrorist hideouts. Lets wait and see if Captain maintains his brilliant strategic planning in politics too. Captain-in sevai, namakku thevai!! The "Photo Gallery" is a must check out! It contains huge pics of the 'political' Captain arranged in one long row. The pics may take some time if u want to save them on your comp coz they are huge, understandably so. Amazing resolution!

What caught my attention was a "Sales" section. I hope, I just hope that it auctions Captain's cine attires. His long and bright Narasimha overcoat, the exciting two layered Vanchinathan carnival glasses, bullets which Captain has caught between his teeth may all be auctioned to fetch some money to aid Captain's roll in politics.

So, what are you waiting for? Go right there. . . and ofcourse come back here share your thoughts! :-)

Vaazhga Thamizh. Valarga Captain!!

Note : Thanks to Mr. Narayanan for the link. And I've been editing this post constantly to praise Captain as much as possible. Puns are purely, totally and completely left to your perception! :-)

Mummy, Daddy, Help me . . .

2005-08-29T13:00:00.000+05:30

There are certain things in life that leave you in a dilemma. Things that you don't know whether to smile at or be upset about. Things that are not in a definitive sense good or bad. Things that you wish you'd never confront. Things that leave you with complex reactions and disarrayed emotions, making all that's around you look alien. None of this happened to me

My literary prowess does not permit me to exaggerate any further, you guys are lucky in that aspect :-)

Coming to the point before you guys hit Alt+F4, I have a really really serious problem on my hands. Something as serious as what actress Namitha did to celebrate her doggie's birthday or how Mandira Bedi managed to keep her blouse intact during Extra Innings. "Where was the blouse?", you may ask. But close investigations by the CBI revealed its presence, unfortunately. I envy the CBI jobs, gotta be lotsa fun!!

I've still haven't come to the point, have I? Yeah so it's about my blogs being forwarded. I've got a copy of the Mock Interview as an email forward in my college Yahoo Groups. I remember Anti saying once that he got the Saniyan series as a forward. Another friend of mine said this was being circulated in his office. Today, it was Nirenjan who said he recieved this.

That does make me happy a great deal. I'd just be happier if due credit is given. A link to this blog, is all that I ask for. Illaena Google Ads-a amukittu ponga punyama pogum

This blog is ofcourse copyrighted and guarded by strict federal laws that are non-existant in India :-)

So those of you who forward, please do provide a link back to this space.

DO NOT IGNORE THIS. Last week my friend ignored what I said and in five mins he had a crow shit on his head. So save your heads now!! Forward this to everybody you know and enjoy the following benefits . . . .

30+ forwards : You will no longer get caught by your boss while reading blogs or while kadalai poattufying with the figure/AanSingam in the next cubicle.

25+ forwards : Guys, your best friend will bring home matter CDs from France. Girls, the guy who u love will stop watching matter movies.

20+ forwards : You will meet the love of your life in the next one hour. Please stay away from IITs and roam near Satyam Theater/Beasant Nagar beach for blissful results.

15+ forwards : You will get married in exactly one year from today. If not, please send this mail again to more people next time around.

10+ forwards : You will go on a dream date!! (remember to sleep well)

1-10 forwards : Guys, you will get a chance to take a figure for a ride on your bike. Girls, face the other side when the guy takes you on his bike.

0 forwards : Guys, you will be slippered by a girl. The effects will be severe since the slippers usually are armed with 1 foot tall wooden pieces. Girls, you will lose the guy whom u put bracket and were karanthufying money.

P.S. : That's a tailor made forward for all you "forwarders" and the "forwardees" who shall become "forwarders"

'Just is' ASAP

2005-08-25T22:00:00.000+05:30

Aug 25th, 1973
A man files a case in a court accusing a shampoo company's product being excessively harsh on the hair thereby causing greying.

October 11, 2004
The judge hears the case and takes the mans look at the man's mandai which now resembles something close to reflectors on ECR due to excessive vacant space. He charges the man of lying and wasting the court's time, imposes a Rs. 1000 fine and dismisses the case. Not to mention, the shampoo company closed down a decade ago.

This court-ku one Gandhi photo, one blindfolded, saanja tharaasu needhi devadhai and 10 chairsu.

The incident, though entirely cooked up, is not a lot different from what happened recently. More than a year has passed since the release of S.J. Surya's NEW. Those of you who haven't seen it, please do check it out. The film completely lives up to its name by illustrating how a horrible movie can be made using a 'new' approach. If you manage to sit through the film, then I bet you are in there to watch Kiran!

Recently, this film was banned and its certification cancelled stating that it was excessively vulgar. All this one complete year after the film was released. Idhukku maela padatha ban panna enna pannatti enna? Loosa avanga?? This speed of operation surprises me.

I wouldn't at all be surprised if I read the follwing news items tommorow . . .

Thyagaraja Bagavadhar film Sri Valli banned
A local court today banned the 302 B.C. Bhagavadhar film because he sings "Meyaatha Maan" without a shirt which is corrupting corrupted the mind of T.R.Rajakumari. The film shall henceforth not be played on any of the channels. KTV which has bought the rights for this film and many other such latest films might be badly hit by this decision.

Permission to launch INSAT 1A denied
The Supreme Court has issued a stay that denies permission to launch the INSAT 1A after evidence produced by Nambungal Narayanan clearly indicated that its spelling is numerologically incorrect. This spelling is believed to adversely affect the the positon of planets in the solar system. If the launch is made under this name there are high chances that Pluto does a high jump to pass earth. Also, it is believed that the position of the fuel tank is not according to Vasthu norms.

Tsunami Banned
The Tsunami which caused the loss of thousands of lives in Tamil Nadu has been banned all over India. The court pointed out that since this was its first visit to India, it has been forgiven under section IPC 12B, Vadapalani to Foreshore Estate. The court also stipulated a norm that incase of a friendly visit, their height should not exceed 1 ft. Captain Vijaykanth has been included in the BSF and he now shoulders the extra responsibility of diverting them to Pakistan dheeviravaadhigal in case of emergency.

Disclaimer : The above events are purely fictional.

P.S. : All the fictional events state the facts :-)

The Chennai Nexus

2005-08-22T22:00:00.000+05:30

This post is driven by two main reasons. One, today is Chennai's (Madras) 366th birthday. Two, to stop the excessive damage being carried out on yours truly in the last post

What follows is a personality test sorta thingy that reveals your Chennai connection. Those of you who are extremely jobless, take a pencil and paper and mark your choices. Those of you who are extremely busy, stop acting and take out that pencil and paper now!

So lets start off . . .

1) What is the population of Chennai?
A. 42.16L
B. Naapathi rendu pulli onnu aaru latcham.
C. Enakku 2yrs irukkumboathu 20 lakhs. Naan innum matter pannala. So innum 20 lakhs dhaan.
D. I will decide that after marriage.

2) One word that rhymes with Chennai . . .
A. Vennai
B. Brunei
C. Yaanai
D. Pakkathu veettu nei.

3) First thing that comes to your mind about Chennai . . .
A. Cooum nadhi and kosu kadi.
B. Sambhar Vadai (Witchu is kindly requested to skip this option)
C. Maari Annan beach.
D. Boozing and niravana.

4) Does Chennai have an IT corrdior?
A. No, only moothara sandhu.
B. Yes, at Panagal Park.
C. Yes, starting with Tidel Park.
D. Don't care, I want more pubs to quarter adichu kuppara padukka.

5) Where do you go for pozhuthu poakku?
A. Barrista going and guitar sorinjing.
B. Beach going and sundal eating.
C. Parangi mountain Jothi going and bit film seeing.
D. Ribbon building going and ribbon pakoda eating.

6) About the Chennai climate . . .
A. Veyyil adichings and verthu kottings.
B. Too hot to do the yo-yo.
C. Hot in winter, hotter in summer and hottest in Ranganathan Street due to nuclear fission respiration.
D. Pleasant climate, mild showers, cloudy skies.

7) Where would you like to go shopping?
A. Globus, Lifestyle and other nuni naakku English shoppes.
B. Maavu mill.
C. Getting crushed in Pondy Bazar, to come out and find your undergarment missing.
D. Pakkathu veettu kodi while thuni is dried.

8) What mode of transport do you prefer in Chennai?
A. Deepavali Rocket.
B. Pallavan Bus-la ponnungala idichuttu goings.
C. Silencer illatha bike.
D. Ponnungala sight adichuttae medhuva walking.

9) Where is the beach in Chennai?
A. Gandhi thatha-ku apaala.
B. Near the sand.
C. Next to Barrista.
D. Wherever lovers are disturbed by sundal boys and josiyakaaris.

10) What is would you like to eat in Chennai? (To be skipped by Witchu)
A. Cottage cheese with Pasta Bake.
B. Idly with 2 bucket sambhar and filter coffee.
C. Packet saarayam, water packet and oorgai.
D. Gopi fry (of Metti Oli fame)

Proceed to Analysis...

Score Key . . .

1) A - 3pts .... B - 2pts .... C - 1pts .... D - 4pts
2) A - 2pts .... B - 3pts .... C - 4pts .... D - 1pts
3) A - 2pts .... B - 4pts .... C - 1pts .... D - 3pts
4) A - 2pts .... B - 1pts .... C - 4pts .... D - 3pts
5) A - 3pts .... B - 4pts .... C - 2pts .... D - 1pts
6) A - 2pts .... B - 3pts .... C - 4pts .... D - 1pts
7) A - 3pts .... B - 1pts .... C - 4pts .... D - 2pts
8) A - 1pts .... B - 2pts .... C - 3pts .... D - 4pts
9) A - 2pts .... B - 1pts .... C - 3pts .... D - 4pts
10) A - 3pts .... B - 4pts .... C - 2pts .... D - 1pts

Add up the points and move on to the analysis....

>40 : Aarva kolaar-la thappa add panniteenga. Please try again!

35-40 : Neenga bayangara Chennai lover. Bangalore pona, "Ithu waste, inga beach illa"-nu solluveenga. Bombay pona, "Ithu waste, inga Marina beach illa"-nu solluveenga. Sila samayam Peter vitta viduveenga aana figure-a correct pannarthukaaga English pesara category neenga kedayaathu. Neenga nallavaru, vallavaru, matter therinjavaru. Pucca Chennaiite. Morning walking poitu, appadiye kovil poi saami kumbittu, vara vazhi-la Saravana Bhavan-la extra nei-oda Pongal poatta pakkathula irukkaravana madhikka maateenga.

25-34 : Neenga bayangara Peter. Unga kitta irukkara dresses ellam mutti-ku two inch keezha varaikkum dhaan maximum pogum. T-shirt a thoikkara pazhakkam kedayaathu. Jeans kizhinju saayam pona use pannara recycler neenga. Figure kootittu poi yo-yo pannaraen pervazhi-nu neraya seruppadi vaangi irupeenga. Mudi-ku color adichu irupeenga mandai maela coffee kottina maadhiri. Dance aadina crowpain (kakavalippu) vandha maadhiri aaduveenga. Amma veetla coffee kalantha vaenaam sollitu Coffee shop poi 50Rs. coffee-a straw poattu nakkuveenga.

15-24 : Neenga very galeej parties. Daily evening unga friends Kabali, Mayandi and Muniyandi kootittu TASMAC sarakku adipeenga. Chennai veyyil-layum kulikkara pazhakkam kedayaathu. Unga ponjaathi veettu velai seyyum. Keenju pona cut banian and kattam poatta lungi dhaan unga favourite costume. Enga saavu vandhaalum, anga neenga dhaan Prabhu Deva. Gujili kooda Gilma pannarthu unga favourite passtime.

10-14 : Bihar mein Laloo nahi, thamizhnaadu mein neenga nahi. (Bihar-la Laloo illaya, adhu maadhiri Tamilnadu-la neenga) Chennai pathi oru M-um theriyaathu ungalukku. Appuram enna M-ku indha quiz edutheenga? Marina beach pakkam poi nillunga, Tsunami anuppi veikkaraen.

<10 : Ungalukku adippadai arivey illa. 10 questions-ku score eppadi less than 10 pogum with minimum one mark per question? Neenga mostly Railway Minister-a irupeenga.

If you are not happy with the results, keep trying till you are satisfied. Take the average, standard deviation, correlation and all other confusing useless statistical data to get an accurate result. If its still not accurate, blame statistics.

Happy Madras Day!! :-)

Yeah, it's me!

2005-08-20T22:00:00.000+05:30

That's me ten years ago! Was just going through my poonal pics and found this one which I like a lot. Always end up laughing out loud seeing the thiruttu muzhi (yeah Witchu, I'd agree with you for this pic!), Chandramukhi style kaajal, the real appavi look and the arasa maram ilai in my hands :-)

I believe lotsa ppl are waiting to damage me seeing this pic. For once, let me sit back and laugh :-)

I still am the same old nice kid. Gayathri paeru nalla jabam pannuvaen :-)

Happy Gayathri Jabam!!

UNZIP

2005-08-18T22:00:00.000+05:30

Foreign universities are really dumb. I say dumb because their admission procedure doesn't suit me one bit. To get an admit, I should have performed really well in my academics, like topped the class, which is striked off directly since I have a XY chromosome pairing. One is also expected to possess indispensable skills : archery skills good enough to atleast poke the bull's butt if not the eye, adept artistic skills good enough to scribble a modern art which only 2 other people in this world understand, singing good enough to kill the cockroach in your bathroom, to name a few. Research papers also give you an edge . . . but my edge seems really blunt coz I haven't even skimmed through the research sections in newspapers. In short, they look out for a well rounded individual, which I am definintely not unless taken in the literal sense! :-)

Getting back on track...If I've got all these stuff in me, why the hell would I apply to their university? Dumb, right? All these inane criteria inspired me to join the editorial board for my department magazine. I was unanimously selected into the team by all my close friends

For all those who are thinking why such an informative blog has such an ahem title, that's the bloody title for my department magazine! UNZIP!! The name sounds kinda cool, yeah. But guessing how my name was going to published in the magazine did not give me much happiness.

UNZIP

Credits : K. Praveen

You expect me to smile with this picture in my mind?!! Cha...first time magazine-la vara paeru innum konjam decent-a irundha sandhosha pattu iruppaen! Things did not stop here though. The consequences of having such a name were evident later.

The inaugural function for UNZIP was fun as expected. One of the reasons being that girls come in sarees . Guys generally like to see girls in sarees coz we have this strong traditional backing. I assure you that there is no other reason for this ;-)

The function was compered by a girl from my class. "The Chief Guest will begin the proceedings by lighting the kuththuvelakku", she announced on stage.

Friend : It's too weird da.
Me : What?
Friend : Saying Chief Guest will light the Kuththu Velakku. Isn't it odd?
Me : Yeah it is, but what do u expect her to say?
Friend : Isn't there an english word for kuththuvelakku?
Me : Yeah, there is.
Friend : What is it?
Me : Punch Lamp :-)

We then went on to discuss about the girls worth watching in sarees since there was nothing better we could think off. This was when our attention was diverted towards the chief guest. He was talking about the magazine and went on to say the following . . .

"I see you have named your magazine Unzip which is really innovative. I really appreciate it since there is something hidden within everybody, something that is not seen outside. Such things need to be unzipped and let out to realize its full potential"

I was ROTFL! Me thinks the magazine name needs a change first! What say? :-)

Why? Why?? Why???

2005-08-15T22:00:00.000+05:30

Surprising how a little break from blogging is hindering my thought process. I want to write, but I end up blank not knowing what to write and how to write. Looks like I have to turn a new leaf. I've been desperately trying to do so by figuring out a new template, but I reach something as stale as a topless Salman (may sound feminine, but I like to put it this way..). Guess you guys have to strain your eyes a little longer :-)

Without wasting much time, let me delve straight into the topic. At 00:00 hrs Aug 15, 1947, the whole of India was awake to smell the air of freedom. But for those who were awake at 00:00 hrs Aug 15, 2005, the television had just a couple of Shakeela movies to offer. Though that was an exaggeration, the actual scenario was not any better. The "special" programmes on TV sparsely talked about the values of freedom.

The best of the lot was "Actress Namitha", aired on KTV. Namitha and freedom can be a part of the same sentence only if it speaks about her dresses. Pondy Bazar platform-la vaangina 6 bommai poatta kerchieves are all she uses to cover herself up. I never bothered watching the programme, but I am sure it would have featured a couple of her dance numbers with Sharath Kumar, talked about her childhood, elaborated about her illustrious film career including her latest film which was released in Jothi theater and talked about what she would have been if she had not come to the cinema field. Sneha, Jayam Ravi, Vikram, Sandhya, Arya, Srikanth, Sonia Agarwal etc were the others who shared such exciting details about their careers. Lets see a few samples...I interrupt all questions with my words of wisdom

Interviewer : How was your childhood?
Me : Childhood childish-a dhaan irukkum, enna yezhavu kelvi idhu?!
Actress : When I was young, enku I loved Quantum Physics. I was really uncertain about this Heisenberg's principle though.
Me : Heisenberg himself was uncertain!

Interviewer : Has acting always been your passion?
Me : Yaen illa-na sonna kalari vida poriya??
Actor : Absolutely. I used to get inspired by the likes of Marlon Brando. Watching his films on home DVD was my favourite pastime during childhood.
Me : Home DVD 30 years ago? Appo unakku home-ey illa, idhula DVD vaeraya?

Interviewer : Hey can u sing a few lines for us?
Me : Kelambitaangayya kelambitaanayya!
Actress : Yaetho oru pattu en kaathil kaekkum....
Me : En kaathil eeyatha kaachi oothina maadhiri irukku!

Interviewer : What would you like to tell our viewers on this day?
Me : Independence day adhuvuma Shakeela padam paarka solli advice-a pannuvaanga?
Actor : Wish u all a Happy Independence Day.

Half of the day is filled with such enlightening interviews with actors, actresses, directors, producers, loghtboys, trolleyman, camera lens cleaners etc etc from the cine industry sharing their experiences with us and finally wishing us all a Happy Independence Day. The remnant time is filled with some "india tholaikatchigalil mudhal muraiyaaga" movie which has absolutely no relevance to the occassion it is being aired.

At this rate, we would witness something similar to the following in the near future...

"Gandhi Jayanthi-ai munneettu....India tholai katchigalil mudhal muraiyaaga....Thulluvatho Ilamai"

If Gandhi had been alive, he would have shot himself after mouthing an expletive.

I am not advocating an entirely freedom struggle oriented special telecast on any channel with all the freedom fighters speaking with their Congress thoppi about independence. I myself will change the channel! Television is afterall for business and things are bound to be entertainment oriented. But I fail to see the reason that even a flag hoisting ceremony done by Vikram? Why can't the channels survive without cinema? Can't two hours be dedicated to something related to the event out of the 16 hour line up? How does it concern me whether Trisha brushes her teeth or not?!

I am not blaming all the channels though. Vijay and Raj TV usually have atleast something related to the event, which I find really healthy. It would just be nice if all the channels have something of this sort. I am not basically into TV viewing. It's hopeless in its own special ways. Atleast for those who watch it, I sincerely hope they get something right into their head.

Happy Independence Day! :-)

Next Independence Day-la atleast I wish they show a Captain movie. Message illatiyum sandhoshama sirippaen

Many Hanker Mire

2005-08-10T21:00:00.000+05:30

Indian Govt. trying its best to reduce oil prices!

Petroleum Minister or Minister of External Affairs? :-)

Consequence : Kokhila Ben is under immense pressure yet again as both Anil and Mukesh refuse to take over Reliance Petrochemicals!

Suggestion : Agreed all these are friendly gestures, but somebody's gotta tell this guy that he's got shiny skin and sparkling eyes...doesn't look all that good u see

P.S. : NOM to anybody, but idhellam remba over! :-)

G R E

2005-08-04T20:00:00.000+05:30

Over the past week, my mail box has been flooded with e-mails by people reading my blog. To my surprise, most of them were doubts regarding GRE That motivated me further to workout this post from scratch covering all the requisites!!

Am presenting this in my favourite format. FAQs :-)

What does GRE stand for?
Generally Ridiculous Examination.

How ridiculous is it?
As ridiculous as Saurav Ganguly playing for India.

Who should take it?
One who feels Bald is Beautiful and wants to lose his hair before marriage.

How is the test?
As lovable as Kris Srikkanth's Hindi.

When should I start my preparation?
To finish off learning all the words for the verbal section, you should be as old as Jesus Christ.

How many words should I know before the exam?
Around 1,398,350 words. After you complete the word list, you'll have just about enough time to write your will and die.

Is reading comprehension a part of the verbal section?
Yes, it has 50 odd line passages which the authors failed to comprehend. By the 25th line, you are convinced that inky pinky ponky is the optimum solution.

Could you make this point more clear with an example?
Yeah. "Ignoring the minutiae of colour and texture of the britches and what lies underneath, the dampness of the same could be ascribed mainly to the frigid climatic conditions. Why the damp output has escaped freezing in such biting temperatures is beyond the scope of our discussion."

Err...that means?
The kid peed in his pants because of extreme cold.

How about analogies?
You gotta figure out relationship between two words which are equally obscure in their own ways.

Example please..?

American man : American woman

A) Laloo : Buffalo
B) ManiShankarIyer : Hug
C) Ramadas : Tamil
D) Customer : Bank Account

In the above example, we first need to identify the relationship. That would be ... "Many American men have many American wives who inturn have many other American husbands". So the relationship is Many to Many. Option A and B are wrong because they are one to many relationships. Option C is also ruled out because it is a vetti scene relationship. So the choice is D.

What about math? What should I do for it?
That's very easy. You'll figure out the answers even if you are Laloo's close relative.

What if I am extremely smart?
Think dumb.

How are the writing sections?
Equally ridiculous.

Why so?
That's part of the terms and conditions of GRE.

How much can I score in verbal?
Definitely more than what Ganguly does for India, the minmum score is 200.

What if I manage 700+ in verbal?
Please mail me ur house address. Veetuku auto varum. I'll meet you personally and kill you!

Disclaimer : These are my personal opinion and I shall not be held responsible if this blog confuses you GRE aspirants

P.S. : I'll stay away from spoofs for sometime. Stereotypical-a pona oru feelings :-)

Jetty Jaya

2005-08-01T01:00:00.000+05:30

National Zoologic Presents

A.N. Urai's

JETTY JAYA

Starring
Chimp(u) and Vaazhakka

Music
Evan Shankar Kooja

A Chinna Karadi film

"Yaaru neenga?"
"Jetty Jaya"
"Jaya-ngarthu unga paeru, Jetty-ngarthu neenga padichu vaangina pattama?"

"Naan kaththi edutha kolai pannama keezha vekka maataen"
"Adhaan safety-ku jetty-la sorugi vechirukkiya?"
"Dei enna pathi unakku seriya theriyaathu"
"Therinjukkanum-nu aasaiyum padala"

"Last-la yaaru firstu varaanga-ngarthu dhaan mukkiyam"
"Ippo firstu enakku bathroom varuthu, nee last-a po"

"Indha Jetty Jaya paera kaetta chinna kuzhandhai kooda azhum"
"Ippadi poochandi maadhiri irundha appadi dhaan azhum"

"Dei naan saadharnamaana manushan illa da"
"Nee manushaney illa!"
"Yaar kitta pesittu irukka theriyuma unakku?"
"Road orama sandai podara naayi, Osama Bin Laden range-ku build up vidara nee?"
"Jaya da, Jetty Jaya"
"Indha onnaekaalana paerukku echo effect vaeraya?"

Coming soon to another blog near you :-)

Disclaimer : Characters in this film are purely fictional. Close resemblence to this is purely accidental :-)

Saniyan - Part 5

2005-07-28T22:00:00.000+05:30

Read Part 4 here

Vandhi is thrown into the fire by Kambi. He starts jumping up and down in joy. Idhukku dhaan ivalo naal kashta pattaan. And indha oru scene kaaga Sharmila Tagore kitta recommendations panni Kambi-ku National Award vaangi kodukka naama ellam sincere effort edukkanum. Ok-va?

Saniyan Concluded...

Kambi is taken to psychiatrist Geyser.

Geyser : Eppadi irukeenga Kambi?
Kambi : Seri-a irundha inga varathukku naan enna loosa?
Geyser : ha ha ha.
Kambi : Edhukku sirikkara nee?
Geyser : Good joke.
Kambi : Naan serious-a sollaraen da vennai!
Geyser : Ok, ok relax.
Kambi : Varachey relaxed-a dhaan vandhaen, nee dhaan over-a tension pannara.
Geyser : Ippo namma session aaramikkalama?
Kambi : Ashes tour nadakkara effect-a kodukkara nee, oru iththu pona chakram suththum, adhu uththu paartha thalai valikkum, idhukku paeru session-a?
Geyser : Technical-a naanga appadi dhaan solluvom.
Kambi : Over-a pesina stethescope-aalaye adippaen. Doctor-a latchanama treatment-a start pannu nee, un technical yezhavu ellam thevai illai enakku.
Geyser : Ippo naama enna panna porom theriyuma?
Kambi : Un kooda enna da appa amma vilayaata vilayada mudiyum? Appove sonnaen lady doctor kitta kootittu ponga-nu, andha saniyan pudicha Vandhi-a paartha indha kannukku ellamey figure maadhiri dhaan theriyum.
Geyser : Naama ippo treatment-a start pannalama Mr. Kambi?
Kambi : Idhukku maelayum delay panna Saniyan-a vandhu seruppala adippaen, seekiram.
Geyser : Anga onnu suththuthu paarunga, adhai nalla uththu paarunga.
Kambi : Adhu enna Trisha kulikkara scene-a uththu paarka?
Geyser : Kelvi kaekkama paarunga Mr. Kambi. Relax. Ippo ungalukku thookam varuthu.
Kambi : Varaliye.
Geyser : Ippadi ellam pesa koodathu, varuthu-nu sollunga.
Kambi : Varuthu.
Geyser : That's good, ippo dhaan treatment velai seyyuthu.
Kambi : Dei arivuketta moodhevi doctor, enakku urgent-a varuthu da. Un onneykaalana treatment-ku idhu dhaan varuthu.
Geyser : Mr. Kambi, neenga ippo thoongiye aaganum, illaena kattai-aala adichu thoonga veppaen.

Kambi vera vazhi illama chu chu adakkindey thoonga poitaan.

Geyser : Ippoungalukku vayasu 2, ippo enna pannitu irukeenga?
Kambi : 2 vayasula enna koththanaar velai-a paarthuttu iruppaen, bommai vechuttu vilayaaditu irukkaen.
Geyser : Seri seri, ippo ungalukku vayasu 5, ippo enna pannreenga?
Kambi : UKG-la en pakkathula irukkara ponnu thodai pudichu killitu irukkaen.
Geyser : Andha vayasulaye ungalukku kaama unarchi jaasthiya?
Kambi : Yaen nee andha vayasula enna Pope aandavar-aava irundha? Mooditu adutha vayasukku po.
Geyser : Ippo ungalukku vayasu 10, ippo enna pannitu irukeenga?
Kambi : Papa poatta thaappa book padichuttu irukkaen. J.K. Bowling ezhuthina children's special book adhu.
Geyser : Ippo 12 vayasu, enna pannitu irukkeenga?
Kambi : First time Vandhi en veetukku vandha. Ava thalai mudi adjust pannarchae avala naan close-up la paarthaen.
Geyser : Appuram enna aachu?
Kambi : Moonu naal kulir joram. Veppalai adichu dhaan cure pannanga.
Geyser : Ippi 14 vayasu, enna pannitu irukeenga?
Kambi : Azhuthuttu irukkaen.
Geyser : Yaen?
Kambi : En akka, en akka.
Geyser : Unga akka-ku enna? Avunga romba buthisaali-a? Speech ellam kodupaangala?
Kambi : Chi bayangara makku ava. Speech koduppa kaekka aal dhaan irukkathu.
Geyser : Avunga enna pannanga?
Kambi : Enna azha vittutu Jothi theater-la padam paarka poita.
Geyser : Neenga enna paneenga?
Kambi : 18 patti rules padi avala cooum-la thalli kolai pannitaen.

Kambi athirchi-la wakes up in a fit and says "Ennikkumae enna yaarum madhichathu illa". Geyser goes and explains the incident to Kambi's mother.

Geyser : Unga payyanukku MPD.
Amma : Endha thoguthi?
Geyser : MP illa ma, MPD, mulitple personality disroder.
Amma : Ivanoda oru personality-ey ennala thaanga mudiyala, idhula indha naadhari avatharam vaera edukkutha, thodappakattai-aala rendu poatta seri aagidum.
Geyser : No no no, idhula avar enna pannaraar-nu avarukku theriyaathu.
Amma : Eppo seriya pogum?
Geyser : 1 vaaram aagalam, 1 maasam aagalam, yaen oru varusham kooda aagalam.
Amma : Eppo vaena seriyaagum-ngartha periya lord maadhiri sollariya nee? Indha yezhava solla dhaan 5 varusham MBBS padichiya nee?
Geyser : Naan ippo dhaan Vendhan's All Pass tutorial vazhiya 10th std pass panna try pannitu irukkaen.
Amma : Ada paavi, Geyser Poly Clinic-nu nenachu board paarthu ulla vandhaen, adhu Geyser Poli Clinic-a?
Geyser : Aamam. Numerology padi Poli-a Poly-nu poattu irukkaen.
Amma : Pinna MBBS padichaen-nu sonniye?
Geyser : Padichaeney, MBS ellam LKG-laye padichuttaen.
Amma : Ada paavi, ippo en payyan-oda gathi?
Geyser : Bunker sir script padi inimae Homo vara maatan. Yaena Vandhi sethu poita.
Amma : Appo Saniyan?
Geyser : Adhu avana mathavanga madhicha dhaan undu. Unfortunately adhu not possible.

*Cut Scene*

Vivek and Prakash Raj Saneeswaran kovil-ku poi sight adichuttu irukaanga.

Vivek : Sir indha sevuthula paarunga, ennavo irukku.
Prakash Raj : Summa iru naan figure sight adichuttu irukkaen.
Vivek : Illa sir, edho kirukki irukku.
Prakash Raj : Saneeswaran kovil sevuru-la pinna Picasso painting-a irukkum. Disturb pannatha da naaye.
Vivek : Idhula seththu ponavanga paer ellam irukku. Enakku ennavo ivan dhaan-nu thonuthu.
Prakash Raj : Ivana eppadi pudikka?
Vivek : Idhu therinja naan yaen constable-a irukkaen?
Prakash Raj : Yosichu sollu, unakku promotion vaangi tharaen.
Vivek : Ungalukkey promotion-a vazhiya kaanum, idhula recommendation vaeraya?
Prakash Raj : Indha kai ezhuthu naan paarthirukkaen engayo.
Vivek : Enga sir?
Prakash Raj : Idhu un friend Kambi-oda kai ezhuthu?
Vivek : Eppadi sir avalo sure-a solreenga?
Prakash Raj : Bunker sir script-la dhaan ezhuthi irukkarey, idhu dhaan enakku clue-nu.
Vivek : Avan oru vethu vettu sir, avan panni irukka maataan.
Prakash Raj : Ennai enna sumba-nu nenachiya nee?
Vivek : Aamam.
Prakash Raj : Pannadai pannadai, un friend dhaan kolai pannathu, naan avana arrest panna poraen.
Vivek : Illa sir, Nehru Stadium-la first Kambi pesuvaan, appuram dhaan idhellam varum, script-a ozhunga padinga.
Prakash Raj : Bunker sir padam edutha azhagu paarthu impress aagi Heavychandran sir budget-a 26 crores-laenthu 26000 aakitaaru, Nehru stadium ellam book panna mudiyaathu, vaena un friend-a andha marathu adila pesa sollu.

*Scene cut*

Saniyan comes to the marathu adi. Moonji ellam paint adichuttu varaan.

Prakash Raj : Yaenda pichaikaaran Vandhi edutha maadhiri moonjila paint kotti irukka.
Saniyan : Maarvesham.
Prakash Raj : Idhu ellam enkitta sellathu, naan MS Paint-la rubber vechu un paint-a ellam azhichiduvan. Adhu podhum nee dhaan Kambi-nu prove pannarthukku.

Saniyan starts interacting with the crowd that has gathered there.

Saniyan : India yaen innum munnerala?
Crowd : Abdul Kalam porandha indha man-la unna maadhiri naadhari piranthathu naala dhaan.
Saniyan : Adhukku namma enna pannanum?

Crowd-laenthu oru person throws-a stone on Saniyan.

Saniyan : Ennai avamaana padutha neenga oru chinna kal-a unga kai-la eduthakkalam, idhaye naan oru periya paarangal-a thookki poatta adhu thappa?
*crowd claps*

Saniyan : Neenga ellam enna thappu panreenga theriyuma?
Man 1 : Avan un maela kal adikkanum-nu adikkama irukaan.
Man 2 : Avan azhugiya thakkali vechu, adhu un maela waste pannanuma yoschuttu irukkaan.
Man 3 : Avan muttai-a un maela adikkama Nagma thoppul-la omlette saapadnum-nu aasai padaraan.
Saniyan : Avan, avan, avan-nu solreengaley, neenga unga kadamai-a yaen seyyarthu illa? Neengalum omlette-ku yaen aasai padareenga?

Crowd-laenthu one person throws an egg on Saniyan. Crowd claps again.

Saniyan : Ennai yaen yaarum madhikka maataengreenga?
Crowd : Nee madhikka pada vaendiyavan illa da, midhikka pada vaendiyavan.

Crowd ellam Saniyan pakkathula odi, avana kolai panna try pannuthu. Aana Police ellam thaduthu Saniyan-a arrest pannidaraanga. Kambi-a court-la produce pannaranga dhandanai vaangi kodukka. Aana judge thalai-a sorinju paarthuttu onnum kodukkama muzhichuttu irukkaru. Kambi gavel-a eduthu judge mandai-la poattu kolai pannidaraan. So avan loose-nu decide panni avana Yervaadi-ku special treatment-ku anupparanga.

Idhu dhaan padathulaye highlight scene. Indha scene mattum illa-na, padam oru vaaram kooda odi irukkathu.

Geyser : Mr. Kambi relax.
Kambi : Innum indha dialogue-a maathavey illiya nee? Relax relax-nu solliye enna tension paduthara da nee.
Geyser : Chi vaaya moodu da kammanatti.
Saniyan : Kambi-a yaenda madhikka maataengara?
Kambi : Naan paavam.
Geyser : Rendu kural-la pesina bayanthiduvaena?
Saniyan : Kambi oru pullai poochi.
Geyser : Naan enna karapaanpoochi-na sonnaen?
Kambi : Achacho, enna indha edatha vittu veliya anuppidunga doctor, enakku bayama irukku.
Saniyan : Dei unakku dheiriyam irundha enna thittu da paarpom.
Geyser : $@#$%@#$^%$^#$^#$%$@$@#
Saniyan : Ennayum madhikkaliya nee, naan appo innoru personality-a split aaganum. Next meet pannaraen.

Adhukku appuram Saniyan varavey illa. Two years-ku Saniyan varaama irundha avana vidanum-nu andha seththu pona judge marana vaakkumoolam koduthuttu poitaaru. Adhunaala Kambi-a release pannidaraanga.

Amma : Enna da Kambi ippadi thuru pudichu poita...chi...thurumba elachu poita?
Kambi : Yervadi-la vaela velaikku special meals-a poduvaanga unakku?
Amma : Veetukku vaa, unakku nalla samachu podaraen.
Kambi : Ayyo naan Yervadi-kae poraen.

Thamizh cinema last scene-la indha maadhiri mokkai comedy panni andha frame-la irukkaravanga ellam sandhoshama sirippu varaama siripaanga. Namma padam commercial padam-a, adhaan andha element ellam saethirukkaen.

Amma and Kambi go back to Chennai from Yervadi. Appo train-la Kambi sees the Jothi theater projector boy...Kambi padam paarka porachey, bit saerkaatha andha projector boy. Kambi-ku romba naal kovam ivan maela. He is reading a matter book, "Saamiyaarin Kaama Leelaigal"

Kambi : Ladies ellam irukaanga, anga poi padingalaen.
Projector Boy : Nalla matter-aana scene, ippo poi ethics ellam pesi en kitternuthu seruppadi vaangaatha. Nee vaena vaera engayavathu po.
Kambi : Seri ma, namma anga polaam va.

Geyser calls up.

Geyser : Amma-va?
Amma : En kural kaetta unakku chithappa-na thonuthu?
Geyser : Oru mukkiyamaana matter.
Amma : Idhaye dhaan andha projector boy-um sonaan.
Geyser : Ennathu?
Amma : Anga oruthan matter book padichutu Kambi-a asingama thittitaan.
Geyser : Enna aachu?
Amma : Kambi-ku asinga padarthu enna pudhusa, moonji-a ettu oorukku thooki vechundu adutha cabin-ku kootindu vandhutaan.
Geyser : Appuram?
Amma : Dei doctor, naan enna inga Sindhbaadh kadhai-a sollitu irukkaen, avalo dhaan.
Geyser : Illa, Kambi Yervadi-laenthu escape aaga Saniyan varaama thaduthu iruppano-nu enakku doubt.
Amma : Adhu eppadi discharge panni 2 days-ku appuram unakku indha yezhavu ellam thonuthu?
Geyser : Vendhan All Pass course material-la ippo dhaan padichaen. Adhaan kaettaen.
Amma : Ellam seriya dhaan irukaan. Phone vei nee mudhal-la, roaming charges-la oasi pesitu irukkatha.

Amma cuts the call and finds Kambi missing. Thaedi thaedi paartha Kambi is standing near the train door. She goes and hugs Kambi.

Amma : Unakku edhuvum aagidala-la da kanna?
Kambi : Illaye.

Kambi pushes the projector boy out of the train and takes a book out from his pocket, "Saamiyaarin Kaama Leeliagal" and sirichuttae adha padikkaraan.

*BGM : Saniyan in Black*

The End

P.S. : Thanks to all for patiently reading through this HUGE series!! Hope u liked it. That ends the Saniyan series. I believe the last part was huge, sorry abt that! Wanted to be done with this to start off a new series. That will not be in this blogspace though. Suspense :-)

Am soooooo happy!!! :-)

2005-07-25T18:00:00.000+05:30

Completed the stupid, bloody, nonsensical, naasama pona, yezhavu edutha GRE exam succesfully!

My score may not be one of the top scores but this is all I was praying for...a 600 in verbals with my inglipis knowledge seemed very distant especially I started mugging up the Barrons 3500 word list on June 25, 2005 And now here I am, rejoicing!

*drumrolls*

Quants : 800

Verbal : 590

For the GRE illilterates, the total is out of 1600 divided equally between quants and verbal :-)

And just when I started typing all this out, got another news.....Semester 6..

*drumrolls* (over-a drums adikkarthukku saari!)

82% :-)

Thats the highest in six semesters I have got!

Thanks for all your prayers! Especially the official prayer club and the oththu oothara prayer club :-)

It has been quite a long time since I smiled after I got my results. That was way back in 10th std!! An now.....am soooooooo happy!!! :-)

But, I don't wish to go abroad. This was just a backup. So CAT, here I come!! :-)

P.S. : For English pulavars like Curses and Kiki, GRE is THE exam. Neenga ellam firstu India-va vittu veliya ponga :-)

P.P.S. : All fellow U.S. bloggers and buddies, now starts your bad time. I need your mail ids :-)

Saniyan - Part 4

2005-07-22T06:00:00.000+05:30

Read Part 3 here

Vandhi (Sodha will henceforth be aptly called Vandhi) oru 4-5 equally mokkai friends kootittu discotheque-ku pora Homo-va meet panna. Anga discotheque-ku ulla she goes and searches for Homo.

Continue to Saniyan...

Vandhi : Enga di indha Homo-va kaanum?
Another Mokkai Figure : Avar inga ennava irukkaru?
Vandhi : Homo-nu paeru vechirukkara naai discotheque owner-a va irupaan, inga dhaan engayaavathu glass kazhuvittu irupaan.
AMF : Adi paavi, avana paarkava ippadi odi odi vandha?
Vandhi : En azhagukkum, en arivukkum maapilainga queue-la kandippa nikka maataanga, evanayavathu izhuthuttu odina dhaan undu.

Oru 30 mins-a Vandhi searches for Homo. Appuram dejected-a she goes outside. Vaasal-la oru sound... (tune maintain pannunga makkaley!)

"Ole ole ole ole ole....aah olele ole ole ole"

"hes gonna pichai nananananananananana, oorum illa, paerum illa, anaadha naai"

"pichai edukka varugiraan homo, pichai podungal paavam homo, 5 paisa 10 paisa vaenaam homo, PICHAI homo"

Homo pichai edukkaraan, oru super figure koottu saethukittu. Idhu paarthu Vandhi shock aagitta.

Vandhi : Nee pichaikaarana?
Homo : Road orama paattu paaditu irukkara naan enna George Bush class mate-a?
Vandhi : Enna dheiriyam irundha enna love pannuva?
Homo : Enakku Maalai Kan noi...night kannu theriyaathu, andha dheiriyam dhaan.
Vandhi : Pichaikaaran-a irundhu nakkal-a paaru.
Homo : Naan pichai edukkaraen, nee edukkala, avalo dhaan difference, looks wise naanum neeyum same pinch dhaan.
Vandhi : Naan poraen.
Homo : Indha aluminium thattu kai-la pudichukko.
Vandhi : Yaen? Idhula naan unna love pannaraena illiya-nu theriyuma?
Homo : Illa, enakku urgent-a bathroom varuthu, adhu varaikkum nee collection-a paathukko.

Kova pattu Vandhi goes home. Night thoonga try pannara, aana thookam varala. Pichaikaarana irundha enna, nammalayum love panna oruthan irukkaney, adhu evalo periya thyagam, namma avanaye love pannalama appadinu very deeply thinkings. Sudden-a paartha koorai maela Homo sitting.

Vandhi : Koorai-a pirichu SriDevi varuva solluvaanga, moodhevi nee enna da pannara anga?
Homo : Heyyyy Vandhi...love solla dhaan ippadi roof pichuttu me getting in.
Vandhi : Seri sollita-la po.
Homo : Heyyyyyy Vandhi...whats this babe?
Vandhi : Mudhal-la heyyyy heyyyy-nu maadu oattarthu niruthi nee.
Homo : Love dhaan declare panniyaachu-la, come on babe, lets go and do the yo-yo.
Vandhi : Indha time-la yo-yo panna, mama seruppu kazhatti adipaan.
Homo : Nee enna nambala-la?
Vandhi : Pichaikaara naai, enna periya Nambungal Narayanan maadhiri pesara nee?
Homo : *starts walking on the roof* Enna nambala?
Vandhi : Dei enna adhaye repeat pannara nee? And romba pinnadi pogaatha, naera kenathula vizhuva...Madras kenaru...thanni irukkathu...straight paralogam dhaan.
Homo : Idhu munnadiye solla koodathu nee? Seri naan unakku kuchi ice vaangi tharaen. Yo-yo?
Vandhi : Ya ya!

Guduvanchery bus stand-la brammandama edutha pattu - "Kannum kannum nollai-a, rendu kannum nollai-a"-nu Sodha love sequence-ku Kavignar Karadimuthu ezhuthina paattu .

Paattu mudinja appuram scene cut... Prakash Raj and Vivek ippo Kambi veettu vaasal-la irukaanga.

Vivek : Kambi, sir en friend da. Theruporukki.
Kambi : Oh, sir dhaana adhu. Ungala pathi neraya kelvi pattirukaen sir.
Prakash Raj : Vanakkam. Enakku unga uthavi konjam vaenum.
Kambi : Sollunga.
Prakash Raj : Enga theruporikki union-la oru poatti vekkaraanga. Oru vaarthai-la irukkara ezhutha maathi koduthu, adhu kandu pudicha first prize-a rendu bun-um oru glass tea-um tharaanga.
Vivek : Adhula sila vaarthai paartha Madras Baashai maadhiri irukku, unakku theriyumae-nu dhaan kootittu vandhaen.
Kambi : Ivalo dhaaney, jumbles kaatunga.
Prakash Raj : M M T I T A A A N K, A A N T R H I, N N P D A I A A

Kambi goes through all the possibilities and circles.

Kambi : Kammanatti, Nathari, Pannadai.
Prakash Raj : Idhu ellam Madras baashai-a?
Kambi : Madras baashai-ey dhaan. Wikipedia-la idhu pathi ellam detailed-a solli irukaanga.
Prakash Raj : Edhukku use pannuvaanga?
Kambi : Pathinettu patti rules and regulations padi, thappu senjavangala seruppala adichu avunga kaadhula ippadi mangalagarama odhittu povaanga.
Kambi Dad : Idhu mattum illa.. bemaani, somaari, kaepmaari ippadi neraya vaarthai-nga irukku.
Prakash Raj : Ithu pathi ungalukku neraya theriyuma?
Kambi : Neraya theriyum, neraya vaatti seruppadi vaangi irukkaen.
Prakash Raj : Idhukku ellam enna artham?
Kambi : Dei oasiya sonna kaetuttae iruppiye. Oru glass tea bun-ku idhu podhum, mooditu po.

Scene cut. Hotel Atchaya-la Homo and Vandhi jalsa pannitu irukaanga.

Vandhi : Naan poganum.
Homo : Bathroom andha pakkam irukku. Come soon babe.
Vandhi : Enakku velai irukku.
Homo : Heyyyy Vandhi, come on babe, idhu ellam velai-a consider panna koodathu.
Vandhi : Naaye, naan ground vaanga poraen.
Homo : Vangu vaangu, anga kovil katti vaasal-la rendu paerum saenthu pichai edukkalam.
Vandhi : Un buthi unna vittu enga pogum! Naan poi land register pannanum, en kalyanathukku seeru.
Homo : Adhukku nee yaen poganum Vandhi, registrar paathukkuvaaru.
Vandhi : Undervalue-ku register pannarom.

Homo's mudi-la fast-a kaathu adikkuthu. Adhavathu inga dhaan Saniyan vara poraar-nu makkalukku ellam oru indication. Split personality-a inga brammandam-a kattarom. Adhaavathu personality maararchae thookki thookki adikkum. Ulaga cinema varalaatrulaye mudhal muraiyaaga indha effort.

Homo : Yaen ground-a undervalue-ku register pannara?
Vandhi : Loose-a da nee? Meter-ku maela poattu kodukka idhu enna auto-va. Kammiya register panna dhaan laabam.
Homo : Indha thappu yaaravathu paatha?
Vandhi : Podango... :-)

Ippo personality maariduchu, Homo glass table maela vizharaan.

Saniyan : Yaendi ketta vaarthai pesara? Mathavangala madhikka maattiya nee?
Vandhi : Enna da kural-a maathi dakalty kaattara. And ennathukku mudi ellathayum vechu moonjiya marachirukka nee. Chi kondai podu.
Saniyan : Naan Homo illa di, Saniyan.
Vandhi : Irundhuttu po. Adhukku enna panna?
Saniyan : Nee saaganum.
Vandhi : Audience ellam adhukku dhaan romba nerama waiting.

Again personality splittu. Next glass door-la falling. Inimae personality split-itae irukkum. So rendu paerum thanakku thaaney pesara maadhiri oru effectu.

Homo : That guy is bad Vandhi, you go. Seekiram. Fast.
Saniyan : Dei, ava saaganum da.
Homo : Quick Vandhi, nee po.
Vandhi : Dei po po-na, auto charge unga appan-a kodupaan, yo-yo keeyo-nu kondu vandhu ippadi en uyirukku vaettu vekkariye da naadhaari.
Saniyan : Naadhari-a? Mariyaathaiye therila unakku. Nee saaganum.
Vandhi : Orey dialogue-aye ippadi round katti adikkariye da.
Homo : Purse anga irukku, eduthuttu u go Vandhi.

Vandhi oru Karate class kulla odi poidara. Escape aaga try pannara but Saniyan avala pudichudaraan. Oru 100 people vandhu Saniyan-a thadukka try pannuvaanga andha class-la aana mudiyaathu. Nooru paeru saenthu oruthana adikka mudiyaama irukkarthukku enna M-ku andha mottai Mashter class nadatharaan-nu theriyala. Fraudu.

Vandhi-a pudichukittu, oru kutti bonfire maadhiri create pannaraan Saniyan. Adhula Vandhi-a thookki poda poraan. Appo dhaan Vandhi realises a truth.

Vandhi : Nee Kambi dhaaney?
Saniyan : Illa cementu. Vaaya moodu di.
Vandhi : Illa nee Kambiye dhaan.

Usual-a Tamil padam heroines-ku natural intelligence kammi. But indha padathula Vandhi-ku natural-a intelligence-ey kadayaathu. MGR maru vecha double action-ku kai thattina one of the child prodigies namma Vandhi.

Saniyan thooki poda poraan fire-la. Just one sec munnadi Vandhi shouts "Kambiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii". Saniyan poi Kambi vandhudaraan. Kambi-ku onnumae puriyala. Close range-la Vandhi-a paartha shock-la avala thookki neruppula poattudaraan.

*Audience claps*

To be continued....

Cheers :-)

Ticket Rates : NO amukks of any ad. Ellarum en GRE exam-la edho sollara alavukku naan mark vaanganum-nu pray pannunga! Nilamai very very mosam! :-( English ozhiga!!

Saniyan - Part 3

2005-07-15T06:00:00.000+05:30

Read Part 2 Here

Ticket Rates : Google ad amukks dhaan :-)

Continue to Saniyan...

As you guys saw, Saniyan oru vidhyasamaana killer. Loosu-num sollalam. Kolai-um pannitu, police-ku jumble words clue-a vittutu povaan. Police arrive at the spot. Inspector Prakash Raj walks kurukka nedukka at the crime scene, romba neram yosichings.

Vivek : Sir, night pannandu mani, innum spot-la irundhu enna yosikkareenga?
Prakash Raj : Pulli Raja-ku AIDS varuma-nu!
Vivek : Andha Pulli Raja neengala irundha kandippa varum!
Prakash Raj : Pannadai pannadai, crime scene-la vaera enna yosipaanga, edhaavathu clue kidaikkutha-nu dhaan.
Vivek : Kurukka nedukka nadantha clue varaathu, nadu raathiri kulurla onnukku dhaan varum.
Prakash Raj : Orama odhungina onnukku, dhoorama odhungina rendukku.
Vivek : Edhu edhuku punch dialogue pesarthu-nu oru vevasthaiye illama poachu sir ungalukku.
Prakash Raj : Pichaikaaran vomit panna maadhiri pesaatha.... MMTITAANK, AANTRHI, NNPDAIAA...idhu moonukkum enna artham-nu kandupudikkanum.
Vivek : Yaen sir ivalo aarvama irukeenga?
Prakash Raj : Andha seththu pona Nair irukkaney...
Vivek : Avan ungalukku thambi-a sir?
Prakash Raj : Pannadai pannadai, avan enakitterunthu 10K kadan vaangi irundhaan, ippo adhu naasama poachu, enakku orey aathram aathrama varuthu.
Vivek : Pesaama orama odhungittu vaanga sir.
Prakash Raj : Dei, AATHRAM da! Kovam.
Vivek : Oh adhuva, naan vaera ennavo nenachaen.
Prakash Raj : Nee ninaikkarthum varuthu, but naan poga maataen.
Vivek : Yaen sir??
Prakash Raj : Onnukku pona, en kovam ellam veliya poidum, naan en kovathai appadiye thaekki vekka poraen.
Vivek : Kovathai mattum thaekkina paravala, neenga edha thaekkarthu-nu oru vevasthai illama thiriyareenga.

*Scene cut. Adutha naal Kambi is reading paper*

Kambi : Amma, inga vandhu paper-a paaraen.
Amma : Iru da velaiya irukkaen.
Kambi : Seekiram ma.
Amma : Dei, nee saloon-laenthu suttutu vandha pazhaya paper-a paarka rollerskates-laya varuvaanga, mooditu okkaru da.
Kambi : Illa ma, idhu inni paper, moonu paer seththu poitanga.
Amma : Adhukku ippo naan vandhu malarvalayam-a vekka mudiyum? Naatula manushanga seththu poga dhaan seivaanga.
Kambi : Illa ma, idhu naan complain panna moonu paeru. Ellarum seththutaanga. Enakku orey sandhosham.
Amma : Indha mokkai news-a solla dhaan enna kitchen-laenthu kooptiya nee? Karandi-aalaye adikkanum da unna ellam.

But Kambi is very happy. Indha sandhoshathula he goes to attend the Dumil Kuppam Culfest '05. Gaana paattu and dappanguthu on stage. Ippo oru bayangara set ellam poattu "Kuppathil irukkum asingamey" appadinu oru paattu namma Sodha-vukkaga. Adhu mudinja apparam Kambi manasula irukkartha kotta idhu dhaan seriyaana time-nu decide pannaraan. Naera he goes to Vandhana and gives a letter...

From Kambi
Yaarum madhikkatha echai payyan

To Vandhana
Padu mattamaana figure

Respected mokkai figure,
Bunker sir unakku dhaan love letter kodukkanum-nu romba compel pannaraar. Enakku vaera vazhi theriyala. Graamathu ponnunga ellam naattu kattai-a irukkum. Nee mattum yaen ippadi kolli kattai maadhiri irukka-nu therila. Un manasu eppadiyum gaali-a dhaan irukkum-nu enakku theriyum, so anga naan vandhu aaganum-nu Bunker sir romba pressure pannarthunala, enna love panni thulai.

Ippadikku,
Kambi

Vandhana : Love letter-a ippadiya ezhuthuva?
Kambi : Unna love panni letter ezhutharthey periya vishayam, idhula logic ellam paarkaatha.
Vandhana : Enakku unna pidikkala.
Kambi : Enakku mattum unna pidikkitha, ellam indha Bunker sir aala vandhathu.
Vandhana : Naan unna love panna maataen.
Kambi : Unnayum evanum love panna maataan.

Kambi comes out of the place even more happy. Aana Bunker avana vidartha illa. Split personality vechaavathu Vandhana-va love panna veikkanum-nu mudivoda irukkaru.

Vandhana-ku next day oru 100 roses gift-a varuthu. Appuram kili, kaka, kuruvi-nu neraya. Vandhana thinkings, namakku poi yaar idhellam anupparthu? Evanavathu love pannarthey periya vishayam, idhula yaen idhellam extra-va selavazhikkaraan? Appo oru phone call varuthu.

Homo : Heyyy...Vandhi...
Vandhana : Yaar nee?
Homo : Homo, H O M O, homo.
Vandhana : Enna love pannumboathey nenachaen, nee ippadi dhaan edhavathu iruppa-nu.
Homo : Heyy Vandhi, adhu just en paeru.
Vandhana : Naan enna ooru-na sonnaen? Yaenda naaye ivalo mattamaana paera vechirukka-nu kaekkaraen.
Homo : Idhu dhaan latest trend Vandhi.
Vandhana : Idhula enna yezhavu da trendu? Oru group-a dhaan alayareengala??
Homo : Heyyy Vandhi...naan unakku anuppina gifts-a paaru...andha rose-a paaru.
Vandhana : *sees the rose, rose ellam vaadi poiduchu bayathula*
Homo : Un azhagu thaanga mudiyaama ellam vaadi poachu paaru.
Vandhana : Hai!
Homo : Andha kaaka kuruvi-a paaru. But romba pakkathula paarkaatha, seththu poida poiguthu.
Vandhana : Dei enna da vaenum unakku?
Homo : Heyy baby Vandhi, nee dhaan vaenum enakku, i need you.
Vandhana : Adhellam ok, aana en paeru short form sahikkala.
Homo : Nandhini Nandy-na, Vandhana Vandhi right? Meet me today at the discotheque Vandhi, i'll be waiting for u baby. Byeeeeee

To be continued....

Cheers :-)

P.S. : Extremely busy!! GRE kandu pudichavana seruppala adikka poraen x(